At a loss what to do RE: JW family and my kids

by 2pink 59 Replies latest jw friends

  • blondie

    I have 3 male cousins that just left off association with the WTS when they turned 18. They married nice, loving non-jw women and had a family. They did not live "nasty" lives, overdrinking, smoking, swearing, etc. They are good husbands, fathers, workers, friends, sons.

    Despite the concern of their wives, the parents came to a joint decision to let the jw parents have unsupervised association with their children as long as the jw grandparents promised not to preach to the children. The jw grandparents agreed.....not!

    One wife found out that grandma had been reading the bible story book to all the kids despite the "promise." So she lied. All 3 sets of parents called a meeting with their parents and told them there would no longer be any unsupervised visits with their children.

    Now remember, none of my cousins were da'd or df'd, their parents could have visited their grandchildren with the parents there; but their intent was to convert the grandchildren behind the backs of their parents.

    I have seen this done over and over in other families.

    My suggestion is that if they want to see their grandchildren, their parents have to be there, inactive, df'd, or da'd.


  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    You got it, Blondie. Don't leave them alone for a moment.

  • GLTirebiter
    Jehovah's Witnesses never take this antagonistic rant toward unbelieving family.

    Have you seen parents and siblings tear into their own daughter/sister because she was going "apostate" and marrying an unbeliever? I have, and it was ugly. Fortunately she was strong, and married that fine gentleman anyway.

    Have you lived through it yourself, Alice? I did, I endured that mistreatment for years for the sake of our children.

    These stories are not make believe. These situations are not jokes. It is cruel of you to say that they are.

  • palmtree67
    Shut up, Alice.

    I apologise to the board for saying this, but I don't apologise to Alice.

    I can't stand when someone like this is in pain and asking for help and telling a painful story and some fargin' icehole calls them a liar.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    If your apology to the board is for feeding the troll, then apology accepted.

    If it is for telling a troll to shut up, then although you'd have been better off ignoring it, telling it to "shut up" is as appropriate as anything else so you have nothing to apologize for. Since trolls and acronyms are both omnipresent on the Internet, perhaps a simple "STFU Troll!" will suffice next time.

  • Think About It
    Think About It
    I apologise to the board for saying this, but I don't apologise to Alice.

    Don't apologize was funny as hell. What a JW wack job to think people make this stuff up about that bat shit crazy cult.

    Think About It

  • AudeSapere

    You, your spouse, and your children are a package deal.

    Don't try to talk yourself into something that you feel may be detrimental to your children.

    If they act coolly toward you when you are in the room, you can bet your bottom dollar that there will be demeaning comments, sideways glances, and snideness amongst themselves when you children tell them stories about the fun they had with mommy and daddy in whatever activity you shared.

    I definitely would not allow un-supervised visits. For me, the furthest I'd go is to meet them in a park for an hour or two. Bring snacks and drinks for everyone and let grandma and grandpa push them on the swings.

    Be nice as pie - but with boundaries. No talking about their religion and no talking about how bad the world and other people are. Remind them that they are absolutely welcome in your house but you will not tolerate indoctrination techniques or bad-mouthing ANYONE. (I have this rule in my house for family and friends alike. It's called RESPECT.)

    You may eventually find adult friends who become sort of surrogate grandparents, aunts and uncles. They may not be available for decades, but they may become good family friends that sort of fill that roll.

    Sorry for the trouble. Most of us have been there to one degree or another.


  • AudeSapere

    Actually, I wonder if it would have better effect if you left the indoctrination comment out. Just leave it that you and your spouse have decided not to associate with people who are gossipers or who speak ill of other people. And, you are a package deal - they either see all 5 or you or none of you. There is not picking-and-choosing.

    Just out of curiousity... If you decide to let them see the 4 and 5 year olds, will they also want to see the adopted child or would that child be left behind all the time??


  • wantstoleave

    ((hugs)) to you!!! I am facing the same situation, but I am single and will be doing it on my own...haven't had the guts to make it official yet.

    My children are the same age as yours :) My parents currently see them every single day, and they love them to death. My children have such a strong bond with them that I never want to break it. However, I am mindful that when I am not around, my father may get out the bible story book etc. My oldest already talks about paradise, and upsetting Jehovah etc. So my dad is already making a mark by instilling the truth in them.

    Should I leave the truth, I know dad will respect me and not talk about spiritual things around me but my children usually spend a night there a week, to give me a break (they have autism). So I know that dad will probably teach them when mummy isn't around.

    It's a hard situation to be in, but you are lucky in that you have the support of your husband. I would say to you let the kids see their grandparents, let them spend the day with them. It doesn't sound like spending the night is an option anyway, but day visits would be ok. There isn't nothing they can teach in 1 day that you can't undo the very next day. Hopefully they'll take the kids out and do fun things, rather than sit down and preach. Your kids come home to you, so don't worry about it too much. Eventually the kids will see which path they want to choose, and your family won't be able to shun them as they aren't baptised.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    Dear wantstoleave, the best way to begin is with small steps. For instance, stop calling the Watchtower cult "the truth." Don't use that terminology in front of your children, especially, but it is a good habit to stop saying it at all anywhere ever. Around JWs, call it "being a Jehovah's Witness" rather then "being in the truth." Here and with your kids, call it whatever you like (the cult, the Borg, the WT) but when you call it "the truth" you are not only lying, you are indoctrinating your listeners because "the truth" is a loaded programming term used by the WTS.

    Good luck to all of you and to your wonderful children.

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