My sucky situation

by brotherdan 98 Replies latest jw friends

  • Heartbreaker

    I'm assuming that she's had that baby now, since you are back to talking about the Org with her? Having been pregnant many times in life, it's not the easiest situation to deal with, your emotions are all over the map, and it's an out of control feeling, being a host to another human. Not all women are glowing beauties lol....having said all of that, she was wise in asking you to back off till she knew she was out of that circumstance.

    Now that she's not pregnant, it's not over. She feels like mother bear and that she has to protect her kids if you won't (leaving the ORG has been taught to her that you are NOT protecting or keeping her and the kids in best interests) You have to understand that she DOESN'T have doubts. She was fine in her little world, looking forward to spending eternity in paradise. You are threatening her hope and her dream.

    WE know her hope and dream is a lie, but try telling that to HER if she doesn't want to see it.

    My advise is the same as others, seek legal council. Try to make a truce with her. Try to ask her for her to disprove a point at a time for you, to help you see it as the truth again. Shelve it and don't speak about it ever again, and don't go to the meetings with her. Just become mum on the whole thing. Whatever it takes to keep the peace, and try to reach this woman I'm assuming you love greatly.

    If you love her, then you should do whatever it takes to keep her, UP TO THE POINT of living a lie. You wouldn't ask her to do that, and she can't or shouldn't ask you to do it either. Its not fair.

    I hope the best for you here, and welcome.

  • brotherdan

    Wow...I didn't think I'd get this kind of response. Thanks! I appreciate all the advice. This is a hard situation because while I truly hate this organizations policies and teachings, I love my wife. I always thought that our love was unconditional. I told her that I'd still be in love with her if she turned to Islam. I would try to convince her that she was dead wrong, but I wouldn't leave her side.

    She just says "It's not spiritually safe to stay". So now I feel like I'm a coward for saying, in effect "I will be a good Jehovah's Witness. Just, Please don't leave!"

    I almost wish I could say "Don't let the door hit you on the way out." But guys, I love this girl. I love my kids so much. I know something has to give. But I feel like the Watchtowers hooks are hooked into my heart. I just want to tear it out. But what kind of damage will that do to myself and my kids?


    Captives of a Concept: Understanding the illusionary concept that holds millions of Jehovah's Witnesses captive by controlling how they think and act without them realizing it.

    Even if you are under the impression that there is an “illusionary concept that holds millions of Jehovah's Witnesses captive by controlling how they think” you're still allowing others to dominate your thinking if this book changed your mind about anything. You stated, “there is not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that this is not God's organization.” You won't find scientific evidence for the existence of God in any other religion, so unless you can establish this fundamental concept elsewhere and because there's an emotional connection, it's you that's trying to contaminate your wives mind with illusionary concepts. I understand her position. You would have to post something in the book that convinced you of one thing or another here so I can see what it says. I can assure you that anything in the book can be deduced logically and disproved.

  • bohm

    brotherdan: you need to negotiate a truce with her of a kind, something you can both live with. i would think it was best to allow her pretty much dictate the rules, as long as both of you had to live by them. Also get both of you into couples therapy, preferably someone who knows a bit about cults (you can proberly get references from here).

    but the active convincing her part - your going to have to make a choice if your going to try to actively argue against JW in front of her, or live with her. thats pretty much your choice right now as i see it. im not saying it has to be that way allways (many here have had success with spouses), but for now i think its your only option. Have you read steven hassans books, or the psychology section on freeminds?

    in the long term you know you got to have an arrangement so you can make sure your kids are not brainwashed. im not saying your doing your job wrong as a parent by allowing them to be exposes to the witnesses, but you got to do it in such a way they hear both sides and get to make up their own minds. How old are they?

    you said "act like a jw" - that was your wifes demand. Perhaps you can sit down with her and talk about what that means; i mean if it HAS to mean something theocratic, or it can mean you act like a good christian husband who provide for and love his family?

  • yknot

    So say......something different.


    """"honey, I love you, the kids, our marriage and our life together!""""

    """I am stumbled, I need your help...."""

    (Devise a plan, (insert conscious class laugh).......a plan of study ...... a plan of rediscovery...... a plan to uncover the truth about the troof.......)


    Have you seen that nifty Generation chart on freeminds?

    Wanna suggest yall reading through the WTS history so she can prove to you the Org is all that it claims.....

    Here are links to older pubs (if you go this route, she won't get past early knorr without seeing the Org's lies---)

    However there are several older publications at these sites:

    Chasson has a very nice collection online as well....

    (Here is Chasson's full directory )

  • brotherdan

    Alice in Wonderland said: "Even if you are under the impression that there is an “illusionary concept that holds millions of Jehovah's Witnesses captive by controlling how they think” you're still allowing others to dominate your thinking if this book changed your mind about anything."

    I understand your point. However I have not let the claims of one man or one book make my decisions for me. Yes, Ray Franz opened my eyes to a lot that was wrong in the organization. But it was the further research in what the Watchtower itself has said that convinced me of it's untruth. It is their record of action that has caused me to believe that they are a dangerous cult. I'm not merely repeating what others before me have said. I'm not sure what you mean about "anything in the book" can be deduced logically and disproved. If you haven't read the book, then you should keep quite about things you don't understand.

    I'm not trying to convince my wife of anything other than the need to examine her religions history and their record and ONLY THEN come to a conclusion as to what is true and what is false. I guarantee you that this is a counterfiet gospel.

  • brotherdan

    BOHM: That's great advice. What she means about "being a good JW" is making sure we make all the meetings, and having a family study (which I am absolutely NOT opposed to). Fortunatly she hasn't brought up field service, which is something I will NEVER do again. I've taught more junk and wasted more peoples time than I care to admit.

    Seriously, we never studied the bible. We studied books and used the bible as a convenient referrence to prove our point, instead of vice versa. We should've studied the bible and maybe used a book for some upbuilding comments or exposition.

    Also, my kids are young. One is 4 years, the other 4 months. So I have time to get things together. I have not read Hassaans work yet. I definitely will. The more I fight with this the more obvious it is that they are extremely mind controled. It really illustrates the prophecy at Mat 24:11 doesn't it?

  • yknot

    (note to BrotherDan.......ignore Rachel (alice)...... offer her a nilla wafer!..... we all love her but she is still deep into denial) through Elderelite's, Wannabefree's, and Garyneal's threads.....(you are not alone in this matter --it isn't just the same boat, it is a freaking cruise fleet!)

  • Dagney

    Welcome brotherdan, and thank you for sharing your story.

    I think what you need to decide, and take your time, is what do you want your life to be, what is most important to you. Don't get caught up in "should's." As difficult as it is for us to hear given the way we were raised, people survive divorce and go one to live happy and well, depending on their choices. It is not the ideal option, but it is survivable.

    You have to be honest with yourself, and ultimately your wife, can you be the mate she signed up for? Frankly, the genie cannot be stuffed back in the bottle. There are exceptions, and if you know your mate well enough to continue as a pseudo JW and to work on the wife, some have had success in turning their wives around after very deliberate action, someimes taking years, but well worth it. You have to know yourself and your wife; be honest as to what you know you can do.

    What is the loving thing to do? What are you going to teach your children? What type of life do you want for them? Do you want the same life/childhood you had? That was the deciding factor for many on here, they will tell you...they thought about teaching and continuing a lie to their children and they could not do it. Only you know what is best for you. In the end, the decisions are quite simple, though never easy.

    Happy to see you found us here and wish you courage and strength for the journey.

  • brotherdan

    Thanks for the advice Dagney. As unimaginable as it seems right now, I know that I could live through a divorce.

    One thing you said which was interesting is, "Can she be the mate that you signed up for?" That's one thing she keeps throwing at me is that she "married a faithful Jehovah's Witness". And "I don't even know who you are anymore". And "Our kids WILL be raised as Jehovah's Witnesses". I know that I'm no longer what she signed up for. But isn't that growth? Isn't that a part of life, part of learning? I always thought so.

    I always told her that she could be burned in a fire and I would take care of her. She could become any other cultish religion. And while I would try to show her she was wrong, I'd stay by her side. Apparently that love worked only 1 way.

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