Just wanted to welcome you and tell you this is a great place to hear about many situations and many solutions. You of course will have to make your own decision. Our lives are similiar in that the wtbs has affected us but we are different in circumstance and personality. however difficult it all might be because you have alot at stake whatever you choose to do remember to remind yourself that you have a good heart and you're doing your best to do the right thing however it turns out.
My sucky situation
1. You're wife's identity IS being a JW...that's all she knows, that's WHO she is! As difficult as that is to understand NOW that you are out - being able to comprehend the depth of that identity will help you SEE why she reacted the way she did. Remember, JWs are taught that anything/anyone that even remotely 'threatens' their spirituality is to be REMOVED from their life!!! Unfortunately, they nit-pick it right down to if a person even disagrees with 1 belief of theirs, or questions something an elder said off the platform - to be a 'threat', and thus THAT is enough of a reason for them to separate themselves from a person. Your wifes tearing up your Bible and all was frustration, I get it. BUT that was not 'wifely' (according to JW teachings) and you CAN nicely remind her of that. You technically are doing nothing wrong nor harming her spirituality...but again, in JW world, your research is like holding Satans hand while you skip up the street!!!! (aka - it's bad to them)
2. I think someone else suggested calling her bluff...she could get a separation (according to JWs) because THEY feel that her spirituality is threatened by your lack of interest in the religion any longer, but she CANNOT be granted a scriptural divorce!! Boo hiss...unless you dip your wick in somone ELSES candleholder (or she falls on a stick) - then nobody has grounds for divorce.
3. The more you LEARN about the real deal of JWs - the LESS you need to verbalize it. I'm not saying 'hide' how you feel, but unfortunately, with a die-hard JW in your midst, it will be extremely difficult to talk about what you have discovered. That in itself (not being able to share) can be frustrating and hard to deal with...but you really need to be careful until you have made a decision where you stand in JW world (in or out). They will throw up the apostate flag with a quickness, and once that is in the mix, it expedites EVERYTHING and villianizes you.
4. When you first 'see' clearly how things are done in JW land, it can be really confusing and scarey. Like everyone else here has said - TAKE YOUR TIME. Read, read more, and then read some more!!!!
5. Do not let your wifes defensive stance change YOUR mind and don't let her attitude bully you either. All the threats she is making are just her being scared! But it's not a relevant fear - and you recognize that. It's something she was TAUGHT to have. Whether you are a JW or not, you are still her husband - and thus - head of that family/household. She cannot dictate to YOU what your kids will be, how they will be raised, etc. That is a JOINT decision, and as the head, that moreso lies in your hands.
WELCOME to the board.
Wow guys... I don't know what to say. The support here is amazing. I've felt so alone for this entire time. I apologize for not being able to post more often. I can ONLY do it at work. I learned when I got caught on youtube. She told me she couldn't believe that I was listening to those "freaks". They really do demonize anyone that disagrees with them.
I guess to clarify, I think her playing the divorce card was just a power play. I think she might have moved out for a while, but I know that she loves me. She is an incredibly passionate person. And while that is one quality I love most about her...it's also one of the things that drives me nuts. So far I've been able to keep quiet about everything. I appreciate all the advice in this regard. It's hard to know what to do sometimes, especially in the heat of the situation. As is true with everyone here, I'm sure, this is a new situation for me. I've never gone through anything like this in my life.
But I DO love her and I love my kids. I don't want them to grow up with divorced parents. Obviously I only want the best for them. So I'm willing to take anything. I told my wife during our argument that she could leave me, but I will never leave her. My love for her is unconditional, and I was under the impression that hers was too. It's crazy how subtle the Watchtower is in taking away that natural affection and unconditional love from people. And then in the same breath they say, "We are the truth because we have love." Crazy...
I apologize for not being able to post more often. I can ONLY do it at work.
lol...I remember that action. Read the entire CoC on a PDF at work - I'd print out a chapter and read it in the bathroom, write down references so I could check them at the KH library to make sure Franz wasn't doctoring them....after the first couple chapters I gave that up once everything checked out. Reading everything I could find, still can't believe I didn't get fired.
So you weren't posting videos on youtube, you were posting comments on existing videos. Is that right?
"But I DO love her and I love my kids. I don't want them to grow up with divorced parents. Obviously I only want the best for them. So I'm willing to take anything. I told my wife during our argument that she could leave me, but I will never leave her. My love for her is unconditional, and I was under the impression that hers was too. It's crazy how subtle the Watchtower is in taking away that natural affection and unconditional love from people. And then in the same breath they say, "We are the truth because we have love." Crazy..."
You're on the right track. Showing your wife what true unconditional love means is your best defense. :)
Welcome from another ex-Bethelite!
I suppose that you were one of those newboys that wore shorts while walking near the entrance road during tour hours. Or maybe you were the type to hide dirty dishes in the oven, fridge, or under the sink. Stick around, I'm sure we'll have WEC stories to share.
You've already got some good advice. I'll just add, from my own experience, that whatever happens and whatever decisions you make or postpone, learn to beat the stress. After all, it's not like armageddon is coming tomorrow... or the day after... etc.
B the X
I just had my awakening and am trying to keep my family together too for the same reasons as you. Good men are hard to find, and you sound like a great husband your wife won't want to lose.
If the baby is only 4 months old, would your wife be reacting due to stress - both of her faith and having a new child to care for??
Your announcement could put her over the top if the baby is causing her some anxiety post nataly.. for some people, faith is life, and if you lose your faith in the org, her "head" is gone spiritually, maybe a lot of things are going thru her mind, how can she bring up the children in the "faith" by herself - no husband to study with them, to help her at the meetings, to help her in service, to be able to attend a party or get togethers for the family, all the things a Spiritual head can do - give her some positive feedback - you will get her to the meetings, you will be there for the kids and her - she wont be alone in this but your transition from the org is something you both have to deal with and come to a neutral stance to save your life -post org.
check your pm