Welcome brotherdan! I feel for you as I am also in a very similar situation. I panicked and told my husband my discoveries thinking he would see it too - WRONG. I have since backtracked a bit and am reading and thinking about how to handle this messy situation. There is a lot of good advice on this forum from very sincere people who want to help.
Think, breathe, read and try and be patient. Don't try to figure out everything all at once - I tried and it is it very stressful and leads to burnout. You really need to take care of yourself right now so your health stays intact. Other than the above - I don't have much else to add as I'm still looking for advice myself and trying to figure things out!
I wish you all the best.