I'm glad my children don't have to grow up being afraid of cupcakes

by Ilovebirthdays 51 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Ilovebirthdays

    It's funny this thread came back today. I've been reflecting on all the things that just in this past week my children did that they wouldn't be able to do were I still a Dub. My son came home with this cute book from school with special projects and pictures of them throughout the year from his Kindergarten teacher. The book of the boy I was talking about that freaked out about the cupcakes must have been only about 30% of the size of everyone else's, because so much of the book was holiday projects and party pictures, and field trips to the pumpkin patch, Christmas tree farm, etc. My son came home blissed out and clutching a huge bag of candy from his friend's birthday. My daughter had a preschool graduation, and we didn't have to worry that it was held in a church and not be able to go. My son had a t-ball game that he was worried would be rained out, because he loves playing, and his team is pretty much all his classmates and friends, so he loves going. My daughter made a comment about how much she loves Saturdays because we all get to be home as a family and watch cartoons and not hurry up getting ready. I love that Saturdays can just be a lazy morning where nobody has to feel guilty about going slow and not worry about going in service. I remember constantly getting panicked Wednesday nights after meeting, all through Thursday and Friday, because I knew Saturday was coming soon and I would have to be out knocking on doors, which I hated. I just have so much joy watching them get to be small children and not have to worry about some God that will wipe them out for one little misstep, and know that they can just enjoy all that comes along and not always have to be worrying about things that they can't even comprehend at this age.

  • jehovahsheep

    i have known many jw kids that were happy and functional.your argument is weak.at least they have faith in jesus christ and will not be judged.can you say that about your children?

  • mrsjones5

    I venture to say that, unless a parent was raised as a JW too, they have absolutely no idea what their child faces everyday. We (JW children) always put on a happy face and never spoke about our fears, guilt, and pain. Our parents had no inkling and I will bet today's JW parents don't either.

    I agree, sad to say my mother knew (she was raised in the bOrg since age 4) and took some sort of twisted satisfaction out of what we had to go through as small children in school. As we got older we just didn't bother to tell our parents when a class holiday party was going to happen (that started when I was in 5th of 6th grade, I was tired of being left out and somehow I got around my parents).

    My parents have tried to take the joy out of holidays and birthdays with my kids (even girlscouts with my daughter) but I put a stop to that and now my kids are too well insulated to care what my parents think.

  • Scarred for life
    Scarred for life

    Nancy Drew: Don't feel bad. My own parents were completely oblivious to what me and my sister went through being raised as JWs. It is very damaging. My husband got me a birthday cake when my first child was very small. It was beautiful and decorated and had my name on it. It was the first one I had ever seen. I cried.

  • snowbird

    Hugs to everyone!

    I'm so sorry!


  • Ilovebirthdays

    Hey, Mad Sweeney, are you and I somehow related? I can totally see the resemblance in our pictures.

  • crazycate

    Oh the pain! And for what? Talk about straining out the gnat! I went through hell and I feel for all the others who did too. Peace to all of you.

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    i have known many jw kids that were happy and functional.your argument is weak.

    Leave it to a Dub apologist to see an argument where there is none. Fact: JW kids don't get to eat birthday cake or participate in holiday celebrations. Fact: the vast majority of their classmates DO. Fact: JW kids are isolated from their peers to various extents depending on their parents' leniency/strictness. Where's the argument?

    By the way, what you think you know about JW kids means nothing unless you've been one like many of us have.

    at least they have faith in jesus christ and will not be judged.can you say that about your children?

    Yes I can.

  • AudeSapere

    Cupcakes - Gateway to Idolatry ~!!

    Seriously, I acutely relate to all the experiences mentioned here - even the 3rd person comments by Jehovahsheep.

    Jehovahsheep wrote: i have known many jw kids that were happy and functional.your argument is weak.at least they have faith in jesus christ and will not be judged.can you say that about your children?

    I was one of those kids. My parents started studying when I was 9 so I knew the joys of Christmas and Birthday's AND the feelings of separateness that goes with presenting your different views to your teachers and classmates. If you knew me then, you would have seen an intelligent, articulate, competent, composed, delightful, mature, happy and highly funtional child, teenager and young adult. Being the only witness family in our town and school system, my younger brother and I had the sole responsiblity to present our 'new' beliefs to faculty teachers, administrators and our fellow classmates. That's ALOT of responsibility to put on any 10- and 7-year-old. But there was hole inside that just kept getting bigger and bigger. In my early-to-mid-thirties it became so big that it interfered with my functioning as my feelings of isolation and loss became more pronounced. It inhibited my ability to reach out and connect with others on a meaningful level. What I learned from those isolation school exercises was to take pride in my isolation. Becoming so intimately familiar with isolation makes for a very lonely adulthood. Today, when I celebrate Christmas and other holidays, I frequently have this huge wave of sadness as the season brings up incredibly strong feelings of isolation. Where my friends bake bread and the sights, sounds and smells bring them back to warm loving embraces of extended family, my memories revert to the pain of extreme emotional isolation. At the time, we firmly believed that we were doing the right thing and we rejoiced that our persecution was limited to just feeling left out (as opposed to the brutal torturous persecution that our 'brothers' in Malawi were enduring.) We proudly (well, I can't really speak for my brother's feelings - I think he cheated when he thought noone was looking) took a stand for Jehovah and his Kingdom. Today I feel that my emotions are equal parts stunted in some areas and overly developed in others. The overdeveloped parts consisting mostly of scars. And I feel sadness at having missed out on alot of fun with some pretty dynamic classmates at a time of wonderment in our lives while we lived in lovely close-knit town. In the past 2 or 3 years I've connected with several of those acquaintances. I do not have fun stories to tell of trips and adventures out of school and was not aware of the inside jokes in the classroom. My JW friends were all in neighboring towns. Most of them are still JWs and while we have occaisional communication (I am neither DA nor DF but live on opposite coast now), we have little in common other than memories field service, bible study, meetings and a handful of pool parties to think back on. Jehovahsheep - don't be too taken with outward appearances of happy people. Alone at night in a dark room, those adults and children may not be the same happy people you think they are. They may just be putting a happy face because they don't want to make you sad or stumble you. Children need to be children in order to develop properly. When pressed to be adults at too early an age, they become stunted, twisted and scarred. Really... What harm is there in a cupcake? Let them eat cake~!!! -Aude.

  • snowbird

    Aude, that was simply superb!

    Thanks so much.


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