From Pioneer to Professor: My Story

by laverite 85 Replies latest jw friends

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  laverite

  I wanted to thank the people I didn’t get a chance to thank earlier. I do this will a 5 year old climbing all over me (right now she’s banging her head on my shoulder) – distracting, but the baby is sleeping so it’s a brief moment with my hands free to type.

  Cult Classic, No More Koolaid, Found Sheep, Nice Dream, Designs – thank you for your kind words and the welcome.

  Heartbreaker – I don’t have a partner. I’m single and raising my children on my own. The children are a sibling group that I adopted. Life is chaotic but wonderful. We’ve created our own family with an extended family of cousins, grandparents, etc. that are not related by blood. The nice thing is that the children don’t question this as they know that you don’t have to have share DNA to be a family. It’s a family by choice.

  Penny2 – I agree with you. That’s what I always thought. Surely they’d have passed the letter to the local congregation.

  Jamie Bowers and Mentally Free - - thanks for the welcome and kind words.

  Scott77 – thanks for the information and sharing your story. Wow – interesting and what an awesome job you did following up to make sure that you had no ties to the organization. I wanted no further ties and I didn’t want them to be able to hold anything over my head, even if that meant losing all of my JW family (which is pretty much everyone in my family!!). I just wanted to live my life free of the cult. I love reading about others’ experiences.

  Black Sheep – thank you. Your username would fit me nicely too. Imagine – being a university professor, regularly publishing articles, reviews, essays, and in a few months my fourth book AND being a black sheep of the family! Ugh.

  Broken Promises – it’s never too late. See the recent thread I bumped up that Cabasilas wrote.

  Undercover, Jedi Master, and Snowbird, Finally Some Pride, Thomas Covenant, Golden Sky, Cabasilas, Quietly Leaving, Dissed, Double Life, Peaches, Diva, Hopscotch, Not a Captive, CoCo, NN, BabaYaga, Palm, BizzyBee, LozHasIt, – again, thank you for the kind words and welcome. You are all so special.

  Georgie Girl – Yes I am in the US. As an undergrad, in my final year I took a few doctoral courses that didn’t count toward my undergrad degree, but that I was able to count for my graduate program. It sped things up a little bit having advanced standing coming in. If a person is very focused and has advisors on board, the PhD doesn’t need to take 5-7 years after an MA. And, an MA isn’t always required but is often given en passant. Much depends on the focus, the determination, the student the advisors, etc. It’s unusual to finish so quickly, but there’s always someone in every program who does it, with many others following a few semesters later, and one or two who take forever and yet many more who never finish.

  Snowbird (again) – thank you for all the wonderful links. I love your posts. You are a special person!

  SlipnSlide – it’s not easy but you can do it. You are clearly an amazing person and you shouldn’t have had to suffer in the org like we all did.

  Bobid- I am sure you’re right!

  RayZorBlade – Hello to you in Ontario. I love Ontario!

  Quandry- my best students are your age. I love my returning students. They are inspiring and I have a special connection to them.

  Cabasilas – Ditto here what I said to Quandry. Thank you for your PM. I’ve answered it. You are amazing, as is Quandry and so many others on here. You all inspire me!

  Lots of love to you all.

  -A
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  laverite

  P.S. I wrote my last reply VERY quickly and didn't even proof it. Time is ticking and the baby will be waking any minute...So please excuse any errors. My fingers are flying!
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  Leolaia

  laverite....Thank you for posting your story and sharing with us your experiences. I am also someone who grew up a JW (tho not born-in, my mom converted when I was 7), who was really intellectually able, but socially rather isolated, who also went to college right after graduating high school, and has ended up with an academic career. Some of your experiences echo closely my own:

  "I was reasonably bright, and could learn and recite scriptures in a way that seemed to impress everyone. I studied the “literature” with great zeal. I could explain WT Bible chronology and doctrine rather easily even as a relatively young teenager (which seemed to embarrass and tick off some MSs and elders). I knew the literature like the back of my hand." By the time I was 14, I had read through the Aid book twice and began working out Mesopotamian and Egyptian chronology in an effort to harmonize them with Watchtower chronology, particularly in trying to find enough time for Sumerian and Egyptian civilizations after the 2370 BC date of the Flood. I realized over time that they are irreconcilable.
  
  "I loved to learn. I spent countless hours in the library downtown reading. I secretly felt envious of the students in high school in the higher grades who finished high school and were off to universities around the state (and beyond). By 17, I found myself really wanting more. I wanted to study and learn about everything I could. I desperately wanted to go to college. At this time, I would read college and university catalogs in the library hours on end." I have always loved learning and researching and the library was my sanctuary when I was young. A had a friend in the congregation who took me to the university library when I was still in high school, and I was awed by all the books and material there was to read. I was somewhat ambivalent about going to college when I was a Junior, but I made a firm decision in my final year. And although some of the elders were concerned about my spirituality, I was able to go to college while still going to meetings for almost 4 years. There was even a group of JW students on campus who tried to organize to preach, but I wasn't interested because by that time I no longer believed that the JWs taught the "truth". I stopped going to meetings as soon as my mom moved away and I started to live on my own.
  
  "In the outside world, I still sometimes feel like an alien, an outsider looking in. I feel like a visitor in another culture. I have never smoked a cigarette (and never will). I don’t get drunk." I have always been socially awkward and had trouble understanding other people, and felt very much like an alien too. And also I never drink and am very much repulsed by smoking (always have). And I never swore until my mid-20s when one of my friends did it and I thought it was cute the way she did it.

  Oh yeah, and we're the same age too. :) Took me many, many more years to get my PhD but that was on account of the huge amount of work I had to do (lots and lots of textual research and analysis).

  I'm sorry you had such trials over your sexuality; my cousin was raised a JW (even baptized, I think) and she is lesbian and I know of some of what she went through. However her JW step-dad (an erstwhile elder) and her JW mom did not estrange themselves from her after she came out and left the JWs. One thing she told me I will always remember: Birthdays are not recognized by JWs but they do celebrate wedding anniversaries, yet that is the one thing she can never have with her family (she has had a partner for the past 20 years).

  Also, check your PMs, I will be sending you a message there as well.
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  HappyOutsideTheBox

  How lovely to read your story La Vérité

  You showed amazing courage and conviction by your choice of moving to university. What a rewarding and eventful, happy life you have built for yourself.

  If it wasn't for the control and blindness of JW's you're family would have been so proud of you. It is their loss indeed.

  Lovely to hear you on here. Your kids and new family sound fabulous - I wish you much happiness.

  HOTB
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  JWdaughter

  I just read your story-I wish I had that drive and ambition when I was young and still had all my wits about me:) Not using your brain causes it to atrophy somewhat (as you probably could confirm professionally!). Congratulations on making a positive life for yourself and offering a hopeful future to 3 children who might otherwise not have that kind of encouragement and support in a family. Happy life to you!
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  free @ last
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  LostGeneration

  BTTT. One of the best stories on here, especially for any young lurkers. You CAN escape this cult!
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  laverite

  LostGen: That's why I posted it to let people know that we really can get out and life will be good! I wasn't ever a regular pioneer, but I did Aux Pioneer at times. So I hope the title wasn't too misleading. It was meant to be catchy.

  I am still pretty much shunned by family. That's life in the bOrg for you. I'm definitely the black sheep of the family. The ones who are in never contact me for any reason, but I do have some limited contact with them (family business). I have a few family members who are now out, and some JW cousins who are more "liberal" JWs. It is so nice to have that kind of family contact. I am very grateful for that.

  I honestly cannot imagine my life had I remained in the bOrg. It is utterly unthinkable.
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  laverite

  Something that has bothered me a lot -- my real name is not Alex. I wanted to put a detail or two like that in there out of paranoia to throw anyone off as to my real identity if they tried to look me up. I was being overly paranoid. I still have limited (family business) contact with my beloved JW grandmother who is well into her 90s. I don't want to lose that. The Watchtower TM is her everything. None of us will be living forever, after all. So, one day my precious Grandma will pass away. I love her so much. At that point in time, I will (without any reservation) happily post my name and picture. I will have no reason to withold any details, other than pure embarrasment and shame that I was ever a part of the Watchtower TM cult. I find that utterly mortifying.

  Also, I am protective of my professional status. I have published several books now that are used nationally and internationally at many universities. I am working on a fairly high profile book for a big publishing company right now as we speak. I worry that others will find out about my JW past. The thought of others finding out I was a JW makes me want to hang my head in shame. But maybe I have a bit of a "free pass" given I was "born-in" and didnt' have a choice? "It wasn't my fault!!"
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  LostGeneration

  No worries there Lav, we all have our reasons for staying under the radar. I've sacrificed full disclosure and real life contact with so-called apostates myself simply because I've been trying to hold my family together.

  I admire what you did at such a young age, I simply wish that I had the courage to do the same two decades ago. Instead I chickened out and ended up wasting another 15 years in the cult. I simply hope that any young lurking JWs follow your example and deal with the pain of getting out sooner rather than later.