Some thing for woman to think about (page 6)

Violia

I'm not vouching for daring ( but he is right lol) but Aguest is right. Elders have groupies. Most elders are aware of this and many years ago they started this rule that required 2 people to be present when an elder was getting cozy giving counsel and comfort to a sister. Do they require a third party to listen to phone calls? That is another way sisters get to elders, you know, for counsel and all.

daringhart13

As sick as it sounds, I find 'some' comfort in knowing that has happened to other brothers as well.

I don't know what a lot of brothers do, because I am a man..... so I suppose the ladies here will have to provide that insight. But I can absolutely tell you what the 'sisters' do........ and it is really something else.

Its a sad state of affairs. But its a religion that has everyone so repressed, they are ready to explode.

daringhart13

av8orintexas,

LOL.....I'm originally from SoCal......still visit a lot.

I'm sorry you've been through that my friend..... but I wish I could say I'm surprised. I hope you're able to find a nice girl to spend your life with...... for me, I've decided that most definitely is not a JW girl.

restrangled

Oh my god! When did the Elders become hot stuff? When I was growing up...they were the Wardens of the masses. To be dreaded, feared, and certainly not attractive to any free female or married female for that matter.

They were cheap suit, plastic bag carrying assholes. So self absorbed and self important they were the epitome of disgusting . I never knew any other version.

Groupies?.....

LOL r.

Violia

Yes, elders did and I'm sure still do have Groupies. It is an occupational hazzard, like doctors.

daringhart13

LOL @ restrangled.

I don't know how long you've been out...... but not all of us were overweight, balding, uneducated guys. Guys come from all walks of life......some are computer wizards, others are former athletes......

yknot

.. tsk, tsk, tsk..... (giggles)

Did some Elders forget to review the BOE LTR Feb 15, 2002...........(giggles)

Cautions Regarding Shepherding of Sisters: Elders and ministerial servants must never meet alone with a sister /0 whom/hey are not closely related, regardless ofwhether the meeting is for the purpose of shepherding, sharing Bible advice, or simply giving encouragement. (Of course, this does not mean that it would be inappropriate lor an elder to talk with a sister while in the full view of others at congregation meetings or in field service.) It is especially important never to meet with a sister alone when the sister being assisted has been a victim of abuse, suffers from depression, or for any other reason is in a delicate emotional state. A woman in such an emotional state may be more vulnerable and may be prone to develop improper feelings toward an elder meeting with her. A situation can develop in which a woman, who should love her husband, parent, or child, transfers her feelings to her counselor because he is the only person she views as treating her with love, care, and concern, In a congregation setting, a married sister may wish that her husband would treat her as considerately as a elder does. Such circumstances could pose a danger for the elder, particularly ifhe keeps seeing that same sister, week after week, in continued shepherding sessions. She could develop romantic feelings for the elder. So that this docs not occur, it is the course of wisdom to have different pairs of elders involved in shepherding such a sister. This would serve as a protection for the elders, as well as for the sister, because it is possible for an elder to develop improper feelings for a sister he is comforting or counseling.v-Jcremiah 17:9.

Also....found within the same LTR....

Caution must also be exercised when talking to sisters on the telephone. It is extremely important that elders not permit telephone calls to develop into personal conversations of consolation that could lead to improper consequences, expectations, or dependency. If a sister starts calling you especially a single or unhappily married sister---indicate that the matter needs the attention of at least two brothers and that both of you need to hear her concerns in an appropriate setting. Be courteous and considerate but lovingly firm about tbe need to include another elder in dealing with the matters at hand.

Violia

The phone call is an area where the elder really has to police himself. It's just him and the other party there's great potential for feelings to run amuck. Both parties can get so familar that it can lead to what is called an emotional affair.

All persons in the helping professions know these things, and the clergy are among that group. Of course some elders condsider this one of the perks for the position. You know the song "... money for nothing and the chicks are free". I think most elders go into their position honestly and are problably surprised the first time this happens to them. At this point some elders find ways to prevent this from ever happening again or they let it go to their head and see it as a perk. They have really cracked down on this but it still happens. Sister lonely /depressed/bad marriage/ etc needs someone to talk to. Bro elder feels for her - a realtionship develops and b/c it is filling a need or want for both of them and they keep it between themselves. It could go on like that for years . I know it does not happen to all elders but it happens enough that the wts came out with the advice to have 2 people present when counseling/comforting sisters.

Broken Promises

Hmm… my thoughts on the subject:

As a JW sister, I was brought up with very strict rules regarding JW men. With all the anti-sex talk that the WTS sprouts, I had to repress my natural sexuality and I came to think that I wasn’t allowed to even think of a JW guy as “hot”, lest that lead to “immoral thoughts”.

Oh my.

I didn’t have any brothers, so I didn’t have any reason to socialise with the opposite sex. So I had little to relate to when it came to guys.

If a JW sister’s conversations came across to any JW guy as a “job interview”, sorry but that was for these reasons:

a) From infancy we were taught that we should look for a “spiritual man” as he was put up as the goal for all spiritually-minded sisters. Our cong was in the country so we didn’t have any Bethelites, so DAs were the only way to meet guys, sorry, brothers, outside of the circuit.

b) As has been discussed earlier, women have little status if their husbands don’t have any status in the cong. If you are unmarried, you have absolutely no status. Women are extremely repressed in the JW cong, so women try to find whatever status they can, any way that they can.

c) As I said earlier, I had little in common with other guys in my cong, so what did we have in common – the “truth”! So if I didn’t know what to talk about, at least that was a common denominator.

As I got older, I started to feel as though I was an untouchable. Even though I had lost weight, wore stylish clothing and worked on having a fun personality, I still got passed over for younger and cuter sisters. I was in my late 20s and never had a boyfriend, let alone been kissed.

I felt unnatural. I was in a religion which taught that women were to be wives and mothers, or pioneers. I was none of those. So I basically became a non-person. And yes, elders and MS would flirt with me, but because they knew they couldn’t touch me (and I wouldn’t get involved with a married man anyway) I was still untouchable.

Meawhile, I received some attention from worldly guys. But because I fully believed in the JW doctrine, I did not (could not) return any interest.

So I became even more untouchable. JW bros didn’t want me, and I couldn’t have a non-JW bf.

I felt like a crystal vase – something that ppl admired from afar, but never was touched.

Ironically, it was when I became inactive and was questioning my beliefs, that I finally found a JW brother who was interested in me. We met over the internet, and despite the fact that we lived on other sides of the world, we spoke on the phone regularly. We met in person and got engaged. To make a long story short, I called off the engagement because he had a one night stand and got a girl pregnant. Of course I was shattered.

By this stage, I had decided I wanted nothing to do with the JWs and left for good.

Unfortunately I don’t have a happily-ever-after story. I have dated a variety of guys, an experience I wouldn’t have had if I had stayed a JW. I’ve experienced one-night stands and long(ish)-term r’ships, but so far haven’t found “the one”. I am still single, and at 40 I am unlikely to have a family, but I am ok with that.

I just hope my JW experience hasn’t screwed me over forever, that one day a guy will be able to look past my post-JW quirks (like still having no idea what to do with birthdays) and think I’m special enough to want to live with me for the rest of our lives.

sherah

marked

Some thing for woman to think about

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