How miserable was my childhood? To be honest, I can't remember a lot of it. I attribute that to the massive double life that I led, from a very early age. I led that double life because of all the restrictions that my Witness parents placed upon my sister and I. We were not allowed to do any of the things that all of us that grew up Witnesses know we were not allowed to do. No "wordly" friends. No school activities outside of regular class. No sports. No dances. No video games. No Van Halen. No Led Zep. Hell, there was a time where I was not allowed to have a Talking Heads album, because dad thought it was a euphamism for a talking penis. Really!!
All these restrictions, with little substance backing up the reasons for not being allowed to do these things, resulted in my leading of a double life. When I went to school, I was "wordly." When I was at home or at meetings, I was the best freakin' elder's kid you ever saw. I actually made it all the way to Ministerial Servant, giving public talks to the congregation, when the night before I was at a club, drinking and macking on women. I had a fake ID from the time I was 16. My cousins and I lived together in a big house that was basically our version of Animal House. Beer cans, posters, black lights, mess all over, and yes, girls hanging around from time to time. We ran wild, but we kept it so down-low that no one was the wise. It was fun, or so I thought.
As I grew older (18-22), I started feeling guilty. Guilty not because I was violating JW rules, but guilty because I was fooling so many people, myself included. I felt bad for living the JW part of my double life. I felt bad telling people what they could not do, when I was out there doing it all. I felt bad when I saw families torn apart by this crazy religion, parents kicking their kids out for being kids, husbands getting shunned and wives stuck in love-less marriages, all because of JW rules. Rules designed to keep the masses down, keep them quiet, keep them unquestioning. It sickened me. But I was a coward. My dad was a big shot in the organization. My uncle was a CO. My family was JW, thru and thru. So I continued leading that double life, into my first marriage and all the way into my late 20's. Eventually I came to my senses. Eventually I saw and heard enough to put my foot down, for myself, and get out. I just left. And guess what?? Very few people seemed to care. Of course my family did/do. They try to "encourage" me, showing me articles and scriptures from time to time, all with the intent of getting me back in the fold. I ended up getting divorced and re-married. I have a son and step-daughter. Her dad is a new JW. I am scared to death of her having to even deal with a bit of what I had to deal with. Fortunately she only goes to his home for the summers, and I have been laying the groundwork to show her, very clearly, why that path is not the right way. And she seems to see it. Despite wanting to please her dad, she see's that what she would lose, is way more important than what she would ever gain.
So, growing up JW, for me, was kind of tough. But it was tough in different ways. I have seen and heard so many horrible stories in my life, all related to being JW. The lack of balance is amazing. The mind control is sickening. I feel for every young person and new adult that becomes or is forced to be a part of this cult. I have a happy, single track life now. I have not led a double life for years now. And my sanity is in place, I feel good and I am happy. And my family is happy. That is what I imagine a loving god would want for his creations. Not what JW's think and preach.
With all that said, I have to complain. Over and over again I read posting from some who do, in my estimation, a dis-service to all of us ex-JW's. There are some who continue to use childish, stupid wording like "Jehova Witless, Washtowel Slaveholdery, Witchtowel, Pio-sneer," and the list goes on and on. WHY?? How do you think that looks to those JW's, some who might be on the cusp of realizing that they are on the wrong path? If you were going to apply for a job at a company that used wording like that, about themselves or others, you would pass. You would move on. You would probably point out how immature such a company was to use words like that. So why use them in your postings? Do you think it makes things better? No, it doesn't. In fact, it de-legitimizes the work that so many of us are trying to perform, that is to save people from this cult. Grow up. Use your adult words. You are angry, perhaps. But try and act like a legitmate adult who cares about what people think of our group, just as we care about how people think of their group. JW's will use any excuse to walk away from sites like this, and juvenile wording will do the trick.
Thanks for reading, and have a great day!
