I'm loving this!
What Are Some Ridiculous Things JWs Have Said?
by minimus 64 Replies latest jw friends
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AllTimeJeff
With the help of therapy, I am forgetting a lot of the bullsh*t, but you have caused some flashbacks... lol
Individual witnesses
"I can tell when someone has been masturbating before they open the door."
"When I first heard the name Jehovah, I loved it."
"Wearing an anklet identifies you as a prostitute."
"I didn't know masturbation isn't a judicial matter." (from an elder, to which I said, "As long as they don't do it in front of anyone..." He was deaf, don't think he heard that....)
"Tomorrow, you are going to tour Brooklyn Bethel and walk the streets Brother Russell walked!" (Mark Noumair to Gilead class 119)
"I don't know how anyone can call themselves a Jehovah's Witness and not study their Watchtower each week." (a certain SR sister who really needed a never ending supply of duct tape for her pie hole)
As far as official organization BS, I like the library card one. Here are some GB qualifiers, already mentioned in other threads.
"Evidentally..."
"It appears that...."
"It would seem...."
"While we can't set any rules, there are principles Christians should consider on this" (fill in the blank none of the goddam business personal matter)
"We (the GB) are annointed by holy spirit, but not directed by holy spirit."
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tinker
regarding the instruction not to hold hands or embrace during prayer I heard this comment last week 'Jehovah has directed the brothers through the FDS not to have their Hands All Over Their Wives during the prayer. This might be difficult for some and we may not understand why but it's not for us to question the society. There is plenty of time at home for such conduct'
When in service in an upscale area sisters would pick out which house they were going for after the mass genocide...er, Armagedon.
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JWoods
I think that the 1970 era notion that the physical heart has the power to create human thoughts was pretty wild.
The idea that the solar system is somehow immortal is pretty far out there, too - along with the now-discarded idea of the 7,000 year creative days.
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poopsiecakes
"please don't use the word kids when referring to children when you're giving a talk, sister - kids are baby goats, not people"
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poopsiecakes
"when you're standing in line waiting for a movie or something, anyone should be able to identify you as a witness by the way you're dressed"
this from G. Losch when he graced my former congregation with his presence...
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Finally-Free
"when you're standing in line waiting for a movie or something, anyone should be able to identify you as a witness by the way you're dressed"
I think this is appropriate attire for most JWs.
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freewilly01
Just lately I had a new witness or approved associate not baptized say that he had heard that a bro from the GB had said in a talk that they witnessing has been preached in all the world. He also stated that the people in Afghanistan were already judged as being unworthy.
I said (he knows I am ex and still talks to me) give your head a shake you really believe that all those innocent children and women who have been victimized their whole life are unworthy thats just sick man. How can you serve a god that is so full of hate man seriously, he sort of turned red and said hey I totally understand your viewpoint.............yeah right.
I think he counted time the whole way we rode together!
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poopsiecakes
LOL at finallyfree - priceless!
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minimus
Jeff, you should've imitated the masturbation movement for the deaf elder so he would've known. LOL
