JOHN DOE- You asked, " How many spouses of either sex can say they've never slapped their mate ? " John- Probably a hell of a lot of people have never slapped their mates- male or female. I've never slapped a woman, nor would I ever. It's abuse. Period. Slapping may be acceptable in cultures in the middle east where sadly men denigrate women horribly - but it's usually thought of as abusive in the United States.
I was thinking specifically of women slapping men. Here, it's pretty common, and no one considers it abuse.
However, even if you were to consider it abuse, perhaps we should think about other things that fall into that category. Emotional blackmail is common in many relationships. Emotional abuse through being negative and insulting is also rampant. Not showing the partner respect is common. And, in fact, I would wager that nearly every relationship at one point or another has elements that may be considered abusive. As I said, I'm not condoning it, I'm just saying how it is. People shouldn't run out and get a divorce every time there's an abusive element, especially a passing one that is not the norm. If they did, no one would stay married.