Am i correct? (page 10)

BabaYaga

TheSilence said:

When I speak with someone who doesn't understand what it is to grow up as a witness this is one of the things I say to give them an idea: You know when you were a kid and you would be scared of the monster under the bed. And your mom or dad would come in and tell you the monster wasn't real, wasn't going to hurt you, and checked all the places the monster might hide just to reassure you that the monster wasn't there? Jehovah was my monster, and my dadtold me constantly just how real my monster was. That fear is what it is to grow up as a witness... at least it was for me and for many others I have spoken with.

Exactly. And the DEMONS WERE VERY REAL TOO (and apparently lurking everywhere) waiting to be "invited in" by a rock song or a thrift-store tea pot.

***

Here's a little "growing up JW" story for you. Want to hear about a vicious cycle? A child is horrified and lives in fear of Armegeddon, and has night terrors every single night she sleeps. Her dreams and hallucinations are so horrific that her Mother believes her to be "demonized."

What is your guess... will the child's dreams get better, or worse?

garyneal

My wife was a born in, so was her sister. I used to envy them as my parents never really got into church when I was growing up. Therefore, I never got to go to church as a family when I started going, so I would often go alone. I dreamed of having a family who we could all go to church together instead of how I was raised. But marrying a Jehovah's Witness (even if she does go along with some of my 'worldly' activities) all but guaranteed that that will never happen. As I was trying to support her and her beliefs, I would attend meetings with her and even do 'Bible' studies with them. Thinking even that perhaps they are indeed the true religion (or as close to it as one religion could get).

After learning what I learned over the summer concerning its darker side, I find myself so glad now that my parents weren't into religion. I read a book called "The Spanking Room: A Child's Eye View of the Jehovah's Witnesses" and I must say that it was an eye opener. Well, that and all of the stories published by people on http://www.freeminds.org/ and of course Dr. Bergman's own life story. Some are extreme (like that book I mentioned), others are more balanced (like Dr. Bergman's personal testimony), but all of them have a common thread (Jehovah's Witnesses seem to have a harder time coping with reality than most people). While some people may debunk the connection between Jehovah's Witnesses and mental illnesses, my personal experience tells me that legalistic, rules based, religions do indeed aggravate (if not cause) mental illnesses as my personal testimony on another topic points out.

In the end, I ended up thanking God for my not being born as a Jehovah's Witness, though a part of me still wonders if I would've been better off if my step-dad had not have left his Primitive Baptist church when he married my mom, would I have had a better childhood. I find myself concluding that I seriously doubt it because they too were legalists. My step-dad did not leave that church, he got put out, his dad left because his son was put out. Why did my step-dad get put out? He married my mom who was a divorcee and who did not have a 'scriptural' divorce. So my step-dad had 'committed adultery' by marrying her. In fact, now that I think about it, the Independent Fundamental Baptist church I use to attend also frowned on my aunt for leaving her husband. I kept telling them, "You don't understand what she went through with her husband. She did what she had to do." They still kept judging. Nevermind the fact that my aunt and mom were abused by their husbands, I guess scripture doesn't take that into account (at least not according to these churches).

It's almost enough to make people want to abandon God and for a while I did. However, He never abandoned me and when I started getting back into going to church, I found that the churches I've attended in recent years are much more forgiving and understanding in regards to divorces. Besides, who are they to judge anyway?

garyneal

And the DEMONS WERE VERY REAL TOO (and apparently lurking everywhere) waiting to be "invited in" by a rock song or a thrift-store tea pot.

Yeah, my wife has this fear of the demons too. Well, when she isn't thinking about how Jehovah is going to destroy her for partaking in my 'worldly' activities (like holidays). She and I had a 'discussion' about religion again one night (I forget the topic) and I recall her coming back with her saying, 'You don't know how powerful Satan is.' I responded, "And you don't know how powerful God is."

It just make me think of the scripture where it states: 'having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof...' (2 Timothy 3:5 KJV). I guess reading it in context, I cannot say if it should be applied to JW's but then again they seem to act as if Satan is more powerful in their lives than God is.

Black Sheep

You know when you were a kid and you would be scared of the monster under the bed. And your mom or dad would come in and tell you the monster wasn't real, wasn't going to hurt you, and checked all the places the monster might hide just to reassure you that the monster wasn't there?

Well said Jackie. My parents were always there to assure me that our monsters were real and could see you at all times.

White Dove

Angel Eyes,

Your question was not self righteous at all, just a bit illogical. I know exactly what you mean by those who were born in being nurtured more and for a longer period of time than those who were found door to door. That one on one lasting relationship can be better than not having it.

It's called the Social Bond Theory. It goes like this: A person is less prone to negativity and doing negative things when his/her social bonds are strong and plentiful. Keeping people around you for one on one attention is one kind of bond.

Here are other bonds: Religious, educational, family, friends, work, and government.

You are talking about religious bonds that born ins have and that born outs don't have...unless this is a logical fallacy called the false dilemma, the either/or fallacy.

You see, you may think that born ins get more one on one attention from a family member or friend by spending a lot of time with them studying the Watchtower and Bible Story Book, but what if that is not the only option?

Either you are born in and received attention for years from someone studying the Bible with you, OR you didn't receive the same one on one attention from someone from birth.

Here is the other option: Instead of having someone to study with them from the WT and BSB, what if born outs had someone who came regularly from their infancy to teach them something else, like a sport, the Bible, language, or whatever?

What if their social bonds from birth were just as strong and plentiful as a born in who had a study from birth with the same person over many years?

Answer to your question or musing: It is not true that one must be born in in order to be nurtured more, happier, or more satisfied with life.

GLTirebiter

That is exactly how it was for me, my family welcomed me back with open arms, as though I had never left. It was very easy to blend back into my former life as though those 13 years had never happened to a point.

Yes, and it turns out the same if you marry into a JW family but never join up yourself. Though it's not against your religion, the holidays are now taboo and every weekend there seems to be something going on that puts the congregation ahead of your side of the family. When the spouse finally realizes out you'll never take the plunge and decides to label you as an "opposer", you get divorce papers. Then, much to your surprise, your family is still there for you so many years later, right where they always have been!

Living in the Watchtower's shadow, you forget there is such a thing as the unconditional love of family, how good that feels, and how free it makes you. That love mirrors the unconditional love God has for all humankind. It's sad the Society doesn't teach about that in their pamphlets.

Black Sheep

I'm 57 years old and am big enough and ugly enough to make my own mistakes.

My parents need to realise that 'correcting my thinking' has to include answering my questions without resorting to character assassination for my asking them.

wantstoleave

For me, no...it hasn't been easier being raised a witness. Simply because I was never able to explore anything. I wasn't allowed to think for myself, I had to comply and abide by the rules of the organisation. I knew nothing else and for that, it's been very difficult. I was expected to be a witness, perhaps go to Bethel, maybe Pioneer and get baptised. So, I reached for those goals, though never attaining anything besides baptism.

Oh, and noone ever studied with me. My parents tried, but I never was one for pre-study, let alone going through a whole book! So I bucked against it and won. Yet, I was still able to get dunked at 16. I regret that to this day. I say to myself 'if only I hadn't gotten baptised....' because then I would still be able to associate with my family. I only got baptised because it was the right thing to do, and also pleasing my father.

nelly136

the only difference i could see as a born in was freedom of choice.

as a born in you have it rammed into you from birth, you are expected to know everything because you were brought up in it.

keeping parents depends on staying in, the world is demonised to scare you into staying in. you get to lose your family if you leave.

how much leeway different people get in general....depends on the pecking order or the cliques, being born in does not automatically guarantee your 'face fits'

my own opinion on how people are treated is more to do with popularity/favours/social standing/material wealth than it is to do with whether they were born in or out and whether they were 'good' jws.

if your face fits they will accept you if it doesnt they wont. regardless of whether you're born in or not.

wantstoleave

Nelly, I agree with you on the 'face fitting' thing..so true!

Am i correct?

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