I can't take this pain anymore...my life at dead end (page 3)

sacolton

Welcome to the club. I was in the same boat as you. Once I left the organization, the "friends" started inviting my wife to outtings and events - which I could not participate. I was completely alone. The Watchtower completely removed God from our marriage. We couldn't discuss religion or have any spiritual conversations. It was horrible! We drifted apart ... which is why we are currently getting divorced ... and she is no longer in love with me. She did eventually disassociate herself from the organization, but the damage was done.

There is no clean exit from this cult. It destroys everything it touches.

out4good3

You can't take care of anybody else until you take care of yourself.

I'm in a situation much like yourself at the moment. My wife just came back from the district this weekend. I got up, made her breakfast, lunch, made sure she had everything she needed all three days and she came back home, in gung ho arrogant witness mode, mad at me and giving me the silent treatment all three days. House clean, great dinners ready, and she comes home slamming things all over the place and eating cold cereal. Like you, I'm getting tired of workiing so hard to make this work.

I've told her that I don't care about being right, so much as I care about being happy.....and going to meetings and sitting there listening to a barrage of talks doesn't make me happy.

I'm getting to a point where I'm feeling that I'll have to throw down another gauntlet.

I'm not one of those persons who feel that they have to stay together in a loveless toxic marriage because "jehovah hates a divorcing" and because it "looks good" in the congregation. I see to many JW couples living like that in marriages that should have ended years ago, but instead they are just trudging along while t heir health deteriorates under that toxic stress. I don't feel anyone should live like that.

I DON'T FEEL YOU SHOULD!!!! And I suspect that most on the board will agree.

Sometimes you have to think of yourself and let the chips fall where they may.

That's not arrogance, that's freedom.

iknowall558

Hi JustHuman I feel so sorry for the pain you feel in your heart. The WT has a lot to answer for. Your wife asked you back.....Why? Does she still believe that you are her head and head of your own house? If so, then you have a say in what happens. You shouldn't have to leave your own house to allow people to come in who won't even speak to you.

Does your wife know how depressed you feel? I would strongly advise you go to see the doctor. I would also encourage you to keep contact with the friends you had a reunion with. Make plans for yourself on a day to day basis. Give yourself something to look forward to. Your life is YOURS -- not anyone elses. You take control of it! Everyday is a blank canvas --- don't let anyone else paint the picture for that day. YOU DO IT !

The myth of sisyphus is what played over in my mind when I was at an emotionally crippling time in my life. I too related to the fact he had this constant and repeated punishment of pushing this huge rock up the hill, never being able to quite get it to the top. I could picture him with his face pressed against the rock, his heels dug in the mud and the strain on his face as he found himself almost there, only for the rock to roll back down to the bottom.

But even in this never ending hardship, he did find relief in his walk down the hill to start pushing it all over again.

Albert Camus also wrote..........."In the depths of winter, I found within myself an invincible summer".

Without realising it, sometimes when things are at their most difficult, is when we are at our strongest. Please try and find the strength to take control of your life. Get your yourself feeling well and you will be more prepared to try and tackle the rest. I really hope things work out for you. Nothing lasts forever. Things won't always be like this. It will get better. You will work out what the best action is to take. You WILL feel happy again. It just doesn't seem like it just now, so please don't give up hope. All the best! X

Tom Cabeen

JustHuman,

You are in a difficult situation, my brother. When one's spouse turns against one, the trial that results is particularly painful and difficult. I have prayed that the peace of Jesus Christ calm your heart, so that you will see your situation more clearly. Whenever our Lord allows particularly grueling trials, he always provides and shows you the way out.

Please bear in mind that the enemy is not your wife. Our Lord loves her as deeply as he loves you, but she has allowed herself to come under the influence of the Enemy, working through members of the WTS, who are themselves misled. Do not forget that He is the enemy, not her, or even other JWs.

You have chosen to continue living with your wife, which is admirable and preserves a situation where you may yet be reconciled with her, for the good of all, but especially for your children.

You are suffering for your faith. In so doing, you are joined in a very special and intimate way with the sufferings of our Lord. He alone has the power to turn your suffering into joy in a way that will produce the greatest possible good. Remember that it was at his darkest hour, the night before Jesus was tortured, humiliated and crucified that he said: "in the world you will have tribulation, but take courage! I have conquered the world!"

I will be happy to help you bear your burden, by keeping you in prayer. If there is anything else I can do, please feel free to contact me at tcabeen[at]optonline[dot]net.

Your brother,

Tom

Quandry

So I’m back to home, but my life is really bad. My ‘wife’ she has frequent parties at home, inviting JW’s and I’m asked not be present at home when the ‘brothers and sisters’ are at my home.

If I say something to my kids, like God is love and loves us all and He will not kill anyone, she gets angry because I’m ‘brainwashing’ my children!!!

It is hard, I'm sure. These two statements above disturb me. It is YOUR HOME also. How about stating that you will stay in your home, and if they don't like it, don't come?

They are YOUR CHILDREN also. You are, in fact, the one charged with teaching them, as head of the household. If you have a Bible study with them, that is your right, and according to JWs, your job!

You need to take your children on outings, and invite your wife to come along. Find some interesting family things to do together. Maybe camping, or just hiking outdoors, or taking vacations to interesting places. Even museums or things close to home, like a picnic at a local park. This way you will stay close to your children. If your wife won't come, well, at least you can speak to your children and teach them. If your wife will come, you will have memories together, and make plans together, and have fun together as a family. If you are all together, try to stay away from religion as a topic. Just have fun.

Why does it seem she makes all the decisions in your home? Decide to have more of a life, even if it is not ideal at the moment. Make it better!!! Your wife may just loosen up a bit, also!!

mrsjones5

I'm sorry what you're going through. There's a lot of good advice and love here on the board. Hold on to that and do what is best for you to live.

Josie

Hope4Others

This is truly a painful read, I do feel LadyLee and Meeting the Junkie have some good points....

You do need to think of yourself right now and your future life. You are being punished severely by your wife inviting

people over and you not being able to be there. It is your home too.

Please contact your friends you re-acquainted with from school, it would be a good support system for you.

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h4o

purplesofa

I can only speak from my own failed marriage,

We were not friends, ever, it was a really bad marriage with 5 children. I became a JW while married. I got a scriptual divorce. Ten years married.

My oldest was 8/9 yrs old...my youngest was 5 mos when I divorced. That's allot of kids to think about when making such a huge decision.

My kids are all grown now, youngest is 22. They are all doing OK. They made it through the whole ordeal. They have made me feel OK about leaving their father and the life they led growing up.

It was not ideal, far far from perfect, but one thing with all thier parents screwups through the years they know they are loved. They know I could not have lived with their dad, they can hardly deal with him at times. But they know he loves them.

I had to leave for self-respect, to have a life, to love myself. These are things that are important for children to see in a parent.

My best to you,

purps

John Doe

So I’m back to home, but my life is really bad. My ‘wife’ she has frequent parties at home, inviting JW’s and I’m asked not be present at home when the ‘brothers and sisters’ are at my home.

You've got to stick up for yourself. Would you allow your wife to kick you out of your house to bring another man in and have a party? If not, why would you allow her to do it with men and women? It's not drastically different. The JW mentality will walk all over you if you let it. Don't let them. You won't be able to respect yourself. It sounds to me like you're the one doing all the work here trying to have a happy family life, and your wife is treating you like a dog. You're worth a lot more than that, and you need to realize this is so.

Have you read Steve Hasaan's book? I would highly recommend it.

Waffles

My heart goes out to you mate. There are some very common elements between your story and mine. After being stuck in a loveless house with an utterly closed-minded JW wife things just exploded. We're not in the process of getting a divorce. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, and can completely understand why you hate the WT so much.

I can't take this pain anymore...my life at dead end

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