I can't take this pain anymore...my life at dead end

by JustHuman14 71 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Mary

  monkey-man said: Let me get this straight............................... You put your marraige and family thru this turmoil and sacrificed your relationships with all your friends because you have a problem with the understanding of the Society's explaination of 607 BCE??? If you have put your own need to be right over the love of family and friends, then arrogance may be the real problem.

  Spoken like a true jackass. Where do you get off putting the blame on the victim you idiot? His family and the religion are to blame for this. His family is forcing him to live a lie so that he can be the recipient of their conditional love. That is the legacy of this cult: the tearing apart of families if you dare to find out that the religion is a crock.

  Get your head out of your ass and THINK about what you write before you actually do it. Or are you a typical JW: kick someone when they're down in case they try getting up?
• 

  Invetigator74

  WELL SAID MARY!!!!
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  JimmyPage

  There but for the grace of God go I. I'm not DF'd or DA'd yet but I have a feeling the time will come. My wife still seems a hardcore dub. And I cannot teach my child the WT line of BS. What is it they say about an irresistable force and an unmovable object? My gut advice for you would be to get your own life outside of your wife, painful as that may be. The way things are now is not working. Maybe she needs to know what she's missing. But try getting the both of you to counselling first. Maybe by some miracle it will save you from splitting up.
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  monkeyman

  ( Sorry for the delay in responding. I wrote a lengthy response, did a spell check and poof! It disappeared. So I had to rewrite it. I won’t do that again.)

  Wow! I didn’t even think anyone would read this. Wrong! But that's good.

  First,let me say I don’t think anyone who knows me has EVER thought me to be brutal. But I will admit, my writing style might convey the wrong emotion. Don’t forget, posts, email, and blogs, are devoid of emotion. Actually, when speaking, I try to be funny and sarcastic, not brutal. But that doesn’t always come through when I write. So Mr. Flipper….lighten up already. Sheesh. Actually, I read my post 3 times before I submitted it and I still don’t think that it warranted your profanity and name calling. (You may want to review rules # 1 and 3 of the posting rules) (See there I’m trying to be funny) BTW if this is an anti JW forum, let me know. I'll leave. I thought it was a forum where JW could write and communicate and be truthful without the fear of Big Brother making judgement.

  Ok, so let me respond….

  First of all, let me just say that I am no stranger to “unjust treatment”. Neither is my family. In fact it may be even worse that JustHuman’s. So don’t think I’m not sympathetic. I am hugely sympathetic. What bothers me is when people make things worse for themselves by doing stupid things.. That’s what I felt JustHuman did.

  Now for all of you who just want to hold his hand and cry “foul” and feel sorry for him, go ahead. Truth is, it won’t change anything.

  My words are for people out there who are contemplating doing (something stupid) things and haven’t done them yet. Consider what I’m saying and you might save yourselves a lot of unnecessary grief.

  Case in point………….I have a dear friend (JW) who was married for 25 yrs and had 3 teen age boys. For some reason, he began to develop an issue with wearing a beard.

  (Please don’t post any responses to how stupid the beard issue is. The point is, if you’re one of JW’s, sporting a beard can be an issue especially if you hold and responsible position.)

  Anyway, he started sporting a beard. Why? I know now after having several long heartfelt conversations with him and it had to deal with something psychological in his past. (See Flipper, I am empathetic) But his peers weren’t going to do that. They were horrified. His wife was deeply embarrassed and his teenage boys were mortified sitting next to him at the meeting.

  The result? Marriage problems escalated ending in divorce and his sons nearly disowned him.

  My point here is this. Was it absolutely necessary to put the beard issue out there to prove a point? Granted there were other factors in his marriage but things like this can be the straw that broke the camel’s back. What he could have done is sought some professional counseling to deal with things that really mattered (marriage and childhood upbringing) that were causing him emotional upheaval, and the other things (issue with beard) would likely come to terms with. He refused.

  So my advice to JustHuman is this. Go find a religion/community that is all forgiving and supportive and enjoy the rest of your life.

  If your one of JW’s, realize the community you’re already in. It is a right wing, black and white, ultra-conservative, by-the-book, religion that also happens to teach the truth about the Bible. It is a group that appeals to and rewards right wing, ultra-conservative, black and white type people. If you an ultra- liberal, left wing thinker, you are not going to enjoy this group outside of the fact that it teaches truthful Bible doctrine. Sadly, t he loving, liberal, side of Jesus’ teaching is not yet that apparent. I believe it will be.

  When? I don’t know. But I don’t think its worth throwing it all away for something trivial.
• 

  flipper

  MONKEYMAN- I think YOU have something psychological in your past if you make an issue out of a guy wanting to grow a beard. If your friend and wife divorced over him having a beard - then the JW cult is more ludicrous than anybody is aware of. And yes- this basically is an ex-JW forum. Don't worry Justhuman will get all the support from many of us here on the board. Not Phariseeical judgmental freaks like you
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  monkeyman

  Flipper- I dont think you read my post. You just saw it was me and went to the angry, bitter, I-hate-the- world, woe is me card. (Maybe the font was too small!)

  You TOTALLY missed the point, TOTALLY got the wrong idea and TOTALLY drew the wrong conclusion. BUt that's ok. You're entitled to your opinion. You make it sound like I'm not entitled to mine.

  I've read only two of your posts and both of them are angry, vindictive, profane laced, and mean spirited. I'd like to hear from a few other people first to know what kind of site this is.

  BTW how do your intend to help JustHuman? By teaching him to be just as angry, vindictive, and hateful as you? Or by telling him that he did the right thing and for the rest of the world to go screw itself? JustHuman has already made his bed. I hope to help those who haven't yet acted on your bad advice.
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  flipper

  MONKEYMAN- Whatever. Blow it out your spiritual blow hole. Just Human knows I care. I think myself and others gave him great advice
• 

  Mary

  Anyway, he started sporting a beard. Why? I know now after having several long heartfelt conversations with him and it had to deal with something psychological in his past. (See Flipper, I am empathetic) But his peers weren't going to do that. They were horrified. His wife was deeply embarrassed and his teenage boys were mortified sitting next to him at the meeting.

  And whose fault is it that a beard could possibly be viewed with such horror? It is the religions' fault, pure and simple. His wife and teenage boys' reaction to their father wearing a beard was absolutely ridiculous and is the result of them being indoctrinated by the erroneous belief that beards are somehow "bad".

  My point here is this. Was it absolutely necessary to put the beard issue out there to prove a point? Granted there were other factors in his marriage but things like this can be the straw that broke the camel's back. What he could have done is sought some professional counseling to deal with things that really mattered (marriage and childhood upbringing) that were causing him emotional upheaval, and the other things (issue with beard) would likely come to terms with. He refused.

  I don't blame him one bit. He was apparently trying to prove a point and he at least had the balls to stand his ground. I don't know what his problems were and I'm sure that professional counselling may have helped, but his wife and kids sound like typical brainwashed Witnesses.....if they freak out over something as silly as a beard, how are they going to react when REAL problems arise?

  You seem to be trying to make the point that people should not make waves in order to keep the peace, even when they have done nothing wrong to warrant such behaviour. That, is what makes a person a drone.
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  dogon

  Remember like anyone or any organization, they only have the power you give them. Your prison is of your own making. You are the one in charge over your home except in spiritual thing according to the dubs. Tell you wife NO PARTIES in your home unless it you invite them, and the children are not going to any parties outside the home that you do not approve. The dubs will tell your wife that she still has to obey your rulings except when it comes to going to meetings, service and study. Other than that you still are in charge according to dubdom. If I were you I would just move out and document all the things she does and try to get the kids. But either way I would move on with my life. A friend of mine who was a Psychiatrist told me something worth remembering, if you are not happy in your life just change it. So many people get caught in ruts and just sit there unwilling to try new things or change their life. You have to get away from the base of people who do nothing but simply try to degrade you into submission to their way of thinking. You have used your mind to question teachings that do not make sense to anyone who thinks. For this you are criticized and called names. It is those who use such infantile attacks to try school yard tactics to force others to do as they want that are the ones that are in the wrong and the little minds. You have to get away from these people as they are toxic. Their toxic attitudes will rub off on you and seem like they already have started. You are not helping your children by staying in a loveless marriage, a marriage where your partner is working against you to force you to do what she thinks. I also am in a new relationship where it is ok for one to believe that there is something other than happenstance and the other to be atheist with out trying to berate each other to their side. Even if you or she wins there will never be that feeling of love or togetherness. If you stood up and told her how you feel and that you can not live in a relationship like this, and walk out, it may take away here feeling of power she obviously feels she has over you. You will feel much better about your self than you do now and if she does not respond move on because she loves a myth and book of stories and an organization more than you.
• 

  dogon

  BTW you all have every right to teach your children that the bible is myth or at min, that the WT has many holes in its teachings. You can invite your wife to sit down and debate with you and the kids. It is not only your right but duty. If you let things go down the easy path now, you will loose your children for life when the get older and stick to this mind control of an org. It is like treating the sickness now or waiting. If you wait it will cause much more damage or even kill the relationship. I have seen this so many times. Fortunatly all my family that holds any meaning to me has given up this cult and all religion. But I planted seeds of question over the years.