A recent funeral made me think about this - though never with any serious intention of returning. I was wondering if the pain that gets inflicted on those of us who leave [through the shunning policy] might ever drive any to actually return. I know that no one could ever go back and believe. But perhaps some have gone back to alleviate the pain.
Interesting. My father's funeral was a couple of weeks ago and I saw a bunch of JWs from way back. Some who knew me since I was born, others from various halls I went to. I had to admit. I missed seeing many of them and enjoyed the time I spent catching up. As I sat in the hall, my thoughts drifted back to remembering when I believed in the pretty picture they were painting. But, my mind is fully in control and I realize that these kind people cannot make the religion tolerable. I cannot accept the bad to get the good.
Since I live many states away now, I am unknown as a JW or ex-JW where I live. I have talked to a JW who has continued to call over the years, never revealing my past, but using that to inspire thought in him.
I had daydreams before of going back. A wolf among the sheep. It had me basically being a JW who didn't buy a lot of their doctrines. I had dreamed up scenarios like refusing to accept 1914 and educating people when they asked me why not. And, being the new guy studying, they didn't have the power to punish me. Going out in field service, but never reporting time. And just living my life doing the things I liked (before my family days): concerts, bars, partying, etc. Nothing DF-worthy, but the things they frown upon. All to see what turmoil I could cause, hoping I could be the bad apple that spoils the whole bunch.
But, daydream as I might, who wants to put in all of those hours and sit through all of those boring meetings? I figure it would take up over a third of my free time and there's no way I'd give up all that time for them. Now that I have a family, it's unthinkable to give the JWs all of that time over them.
