KH 1st timer, could use some advice

by rathernotsay 61 Replies latest jw friends

  • GrreatTeacher

    She wants you to go to the memorial because it's an annual show. If you really want to see the crazy in action, you need to go to a regular Sunday meeting and a regular weeknight meeting. The memorial won't give you a true idea of what being a JW is about.

    My advice is to go to a regular Sunday and a regular week night meeting to get a true picture of them. Going to the memorial might earn her brownie points, but if you really want to learn about what goes on there on a regular basis, don't waste your time.

    You don't need to wear a suit, but khakis and a button down shirt would be good.

    Also, I dont agree that you want to go late so no one has a chance to talk to you. I would think you would want to meet, even if only superficially, the elders, especially the ones that had a private meeting with your wife about her sex life! Get a feel for those men. ( Optional to tell them if they ever talk to your wife about her sex life without you again, you'll knock their teeth out. ) Do people not get how inappropriate this is?

    Set out boundaries in the beginning with your wife. Two meetings and that's it, just for your own personal information. Do not go to more meetings than that. Their intention is to convert you, no matter what they claim.

    Oh, and that "really nice guy" that came up to talk to you? Yeah, it's all a show. He's probably not that nice in real life. He just wants the conversion brownie points. They are fake, fake, fake with outsiders. But, you'll get more of a feel about how they really are at regular meetings than at the memorial. The most frazy will be showing at a midweek evening meeting.

  • rathernotsay

    I think what great teacher said is right, I do want to meet these elders. So I know who is prying into my private life. Heres a question for you guys... do I have the 'right' to ask to speak to these elders privately? I dont want them speaking to my wife without me present regarding our marriage/sex life. And if so how do I go about this? Do I approach them outside the hall, ie phoning them, or do I approach them at the hall etc?

  • respectful_observer
  • Giordano

    I doubt they were prying into you and your wife's sex life as a married couple. She came to them and made a confession about what she did and repented. Once they judged her truly repentant they decided not to DF her.

    I doubt that you were in enough control of your emotions at that time, based on what you shared with us, to hear it be aired among strangers.

    If you meet a few of them look them in the eye and give them a firm handshake........... try not to break anyone's hand.

    Use this opportunity to make new friends among the 'worldly people' who will be attending. Pop outside and see who's lighting up a cigarette that's who you will enjoy talking to.

    After my wife and I left the 'truth' I never attended a memorial again but did have to attend four funerals of close family members. After 3 to 5 minutes talking about the deceased they went into the same damn info commercial about what JW's really believe! I was so disgusted I just got up and made my way out. As I passed the two JW brothers in the rear they looked to see if I needed any help I smiled and made a gesture that indicated I was going out for a smoke. The look on their face was priceless.

  • rebel8

    Attending a meeting for a believing friend or relative gives them:

    • Hope you're open to conversion, which means increased likelihood they will stay in the cult
    • Increased social status within the cult, which means increased likelihood they will stay in the cult
    • Activities they can report towards their monthly preaching quota, which means increased likelihood they will stay in the cult
  • FayeDunaway
    RTs, if you do go, point out all the weird stuff you see to your wife. Try to wake her up by what you observe with your own eyes, and that it's so much stranger than you imagined. This will at least let her know she cant be hopeful you're going to 'progress,' and might make her look at things with new eyes.
  • Robdar

    Going to the memorial? You've made an excellent choice. It is endearing that you wish to make a good first impression.

    There is no need to be nervous. You have probably thought that Jehovah's Witnesses are stuffy people, but they are far from it. They are humble and down to Earth and have a great sense of humor. Just relax and be yourself-- your real self because Jehovah's Witnesses are uncomfortable around hypocrites.

    Everybody tries to be polite and pass the plate of crackers and the glass of wine along to the new fellow, so make sure to be polite in return and sample their wares. Don't forget to tell them how delicious it is. You might also want to take a c.d. of kingdom melodies and lead the dance under the full moon in the KH parking lot before you leave. This will much please them and they will be sure to invite you back next year.

  • flipper
    " RUN BAMBI RUN ! There's a forest fire in the kingdom Hall ! RUN for your life !!! " Peace out, Mr. Flipper
  • rebel8
    Jehovah's Witnesses are uncomfortable around hypocrites.

    ^another funny post

    I think their collective blood pressure increases when the emblems are passed to visitors. They are SO worried you're going to have a snack.

  • rathernotsay

    Just a little side note. .. last night we went to a wedding reception of a (non jw) friend of hers. She said before hand that she wouldnt know anyone else there but the bride and groom and I wouldnt either.

    We arrived and were shown to our table were we were sat next to several jws including one of her elders. It quickly became apparent that she knew they would be there.

    I felt rather ambushed as she was obviously trying to play happy couple. I didnt so much give her the cold shoulder but I didn't really reciprocate the affection. each time we got up from thr table to get a drink or say hello to the bride etc she kept saying that I should talk to said elder. The elder made a point of sitting next to me to chat. Was a weird situation to say the least, he initiated the conversation by saying that he knew I was a massive pink floyd fan and that he was too. Cue a whole lot of babble about musical tastes ( at one point he said he used to love death metal lol). He never mentioned anything about my marriage or anything jw like but from what ive read largely on here they are likely to try and build a rapport first anyway. I had a few slip of the tounge, I bumped the table at one point and said ohh god, and swore a couple times which made me chuckle on the inside. this elder and his wife lived within walking distance to the town hall and at one point this girl came up and asked them if they had a banana at their house that she could have for her baby. They said yes and my wife offered to go for a walk to get it and asked me to come. As the elders wife passed mine the keys to the house she said that were not to use the bedroom while we were there which I thought was a bit strange. Anyway thats all, my first experience with one of elders. Luckily it was a situation were I could chop back a few beers lol

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