KH 1st timer, could use some advice

by rathernotsay 61 Replies latest jw friends

  • scary21

    I have read all of your other thread so I know what's gong on with you and your wife.

    The memorial is the biggest day of the year for them so like Lisa Rose says they dress in their best clothes.I have been to lots of them in many different congregations in the US and some have even worn evening gowns lol

    I use to go to the memorial every year just to make my mom happy. Every year it was " are you going to the memorial., are you going to the memorial? " like 20 times. Rather than lie to her I would just go.(it made her so happy)

    I don't believe you will ever get sucked into the JW's brain dead mindset so I think you should go. In fact you should go every year. It will be like you did this WONDERFUL thing.

    Just look your best, shake hands with all the brothers, be nice, and try not to roll your eyes. lol

    As far as other meetings, I would not start down that road. You can read the Watchtower on line to know what they are saying so you can reason with your children as they get older. Coming on this site is good for keeping up with the latest crap they are teaching..

    I am happy you are trying to save your marriage . The best advise I can give you (and this is VERY important) after all your questions are answered and there may not be an answer to them all ( you may still be in this stage), DO NOT bring it up again and. never throw it in her face.


  • Gone and forgotten
    Gone and forgotten

    RNS...if the memorial starts at 7pm...get there at 6:55. That way everyone will be too busy to getting started to really love bomb you. That way you will also be seated in the back, near the door to make an easy escape. Your wife may encourage you to stay and talk afterward...or others may try and waylay you before you can escape. Use your children and the lateness of the hour to make an easy exit.

    At the memorial, the only real faux pas you could make is eating some of the crackers or drink some of the wine...All you need to do is sit quietly and observe. And then get the hell out as fast as your can...unless of course you really want to meet some of the elders. If the purpose of going is to meet them, then the memorial is not really a good time...there will be so many people there that aren't normally there that they are going to be busy trying to meet and greet everyone. If it so you can get an eyeball on them so that you would recognize them, then just have your wife point them out to you. You should be able to tell who they are...the man giving the talk will definitely be an elder. Depending on the size of the congregation, the ones passing the plates and glasses most likely will be elders or ministerial servants.

    Keep in mind, no matter how much she professes that she isn't going to try and convert you...she's not going to be able to help herself. Once you show up, don't be surprised if an elder, ministerial servant, or pioneer doesn't contact you and offer a study. She's going to be over the moon and most likely get a lot of attention in the congregation because you came. It may send her into full cult mode. She's already heading down that path since she has been put on reproof, just be aware it may happen. I know you are going to resist, and have no intention on going any farther with it, but they are not going to be convince of that easily.

  • ScottyRex

    I would say go- I been out for years but still make an effort to attend the Memorial- it's an hour out of my life, and to be honest, I still feel it shows some respect. When I turn up, yes I am warmly greeted- I'm warm back too, generally the JW's are good people, and I wish them well as they do me. Plus I get to wear a dapper suit. All is good.

  • GLTirebiter
    Wear running shoes. Put them to good use!
  • rathernotsay

    Thanks people, its certainly going to be wierd and i do think it may be hard work to not start rolling my eyes. But ill be on my best behavior lol. I realize these people pride themselves on converting people, my wife being one of them, but if they push too hard ill start pushing back.

    I hope she doesnt start trying to get me to study or anything and im sure she wont, it will just cause arguments which we really need to avoid at the moment.

  • ScottyRex
    good luck rathernotsay

    I am soon going into a KH for the first time and I could use some advice around etiquette etc.

    I thought this site was mainly composed of Ex J-Dubs? People searching for advice on getting out......Not getting in.

    I'm no J-Dub and never will be even if I was poked with pins and needles like a VooDoo Doll.

    Like someone else said, you will leave your brain at the door.......And another said make sure your wearing a good set of running shoes. I think I'd keep my brain and slip on the running shoes. Can't see anything good ever come out of passing through the doors of King Dumb Hole............

  • TheListener

    Hi rathernotstay. I'd just like to say that you need to remember that your wife is under a lot of pressure to "win you over without a word" into the organization. The pressure comes from the congregation members and not just the elders and of course from herself as well. You really need to remember that she truly believes that you and the kids are destined for eternal death if you don't convert and that can be a strong motivation for anyone but especially a mother.

    You will need to be very cautious with your children because she and the congregation will do everything possible to indoctrinate them at every turn. If they need to be sneaky and underhanded they will because it's their eternal life at stake.

    I wish you the best of luck.

  • DesirousOfChange

    I understand your interest in going to the KH. I think you should do it. Then go to the "special talk" which should be on the Sunday after Memorial. You should meet these people. i think you know enough about the cult to not get entrapped.


  • wannabefree

    You are a target.

    Sorry for the cut and paste, but this is what you are dealing with. (km is "Our Kingdom Ministry")

    *** km 10/12 p. 7 par. 5 Five Ways to Find a Bible Study ***
    5 Unbelieving Mates: Are there publishers in your congregation who are married to unbelievers? Some unbelievers resist talking about the Bible with their Christian mate but would accept an invitation to study with someone outside the family. It is often best to consult with the believing husband or wife beforehand in order to determine the best approach.

    *** km 11/10 pp. 5-6 Can You Reach Out to an Unbelieving Mate? ***
    Can You Reach Out to an Unbelieving Mate?
    1 Do some publishers in your congregation have an unbelieving husband or wife? If so, no doubt these publishers desire that their mate join them in true worship. But they are not the only ones. The entire congregation mirrors God’s desire that “all sorts of men should be saved and come to an accurate knowledge of truth.” (1 Tim. 2:4) How may we reach out to the unbelieving mates of publishers in our congregation?
    2 First, we should try to see matters from the unbeliever’s viewpoint. Many unbelieving mates love their family and try to be a good marriage mate and parent. Perhaps they have sincere religious beliefs that are different from ours. They may know little about Jehovah’s Witnesses except what uninformed or prejudiced associates have told them. Some resent the time their spouse uses for worship that was formerly spent with the family. Insight will help us to treat an unbeliever kindly and respectfully and avoid being unduly nervous when we are around him.—Prov. 16:20-23.
    3 Personal Interest: The best way to win over an unbelieving mate to the truth, at least initially, may be through our actions, not through a Bible discussion. (1 Pet. 3:1, 2) Important in this regard is showing personal interest. Sisters in the congregation can take an interest in an unbelieving wife, and brothers can do the same with an unbelieving husband. How?
    4 If you have not yet met the spouse, perhaps you could do so after consulting with the Christian mate. Do not be disappointed if the unbeliever’s initial response is lukewarm. Our friendliness and personal interest may move him to view Jehovah’s Witnesses more favorably. (Rom. 12:20) Some mature Christians have invited an unbeliever and his family to dinner, with a view to getting better acquainted and breaking down any prejudice that may exist. They have talked about his interests, rather than forcing the conversation toward spiritual subjects. Later, when the unbeliever feels more comfortable, a Scriptural discussion may be possible. Or he may be receptive to an invitation to attend one of our meetings to see what his wife is learning, especially since he already knows some in the congregation. Even if he is not ready to investigate the truth, he can certainly be commended for the support given to his believing mate.
    5 Elders especially should reach out to unbelieving mates and be alert for opportunities to give a witness. An unbeliever who has not been receptive to a Bible discussion may listen to Scriptural encouragement when he is in the hospital or encounters serious health problems. If a divided household experiences a crisis, such as the death of a family member, the elders may invite the unbeliever to sit in when they give comfort to the family.
    6 Imagine the joy that will be experienced by a Christian in our congregation if his or her spouse responds and comes into the truth! Such a happy event would also bring great joy to Jehovah, the angels, and the rest of the congregation. (Luke 15:7, 10) However, if the unbeliever is not initially responsive, we can still rejoice that our continued efforts please Jehovah, who “does not desire any to be destroyed but desires all to attain to repentance.”—2 Pet. 3:9.

    *** km 3/93 p. 8 Helping All Who Have Shown Interest ***
    Helping All Who Have Shown Interest
    1 Our faith and our love for others will move us during March to help and invite to the Memorial all who have shown interest in the Kingdom message. Such ones need to be led to Jehovah’s provision of salvation, which centers on Christ’s ransom sacrifice.—Heb. 9:28.
    2 It is a good idea to make a list of those you want to invite to the Memorial. Include any who attend meetings occasionally as well as those who have previously studied or in other ways shown interest. Do not forget unbelieving mates and other family members. After making your list, put forth a special effort to call on each one. You may wish to ask the elders to assist you in making certain calls.
    3 What can you say on the call?
    After a warm greeting, you can say something like this:
    ▪ “In the past, you have shown an interest in spiritual things, and I thought that you would appreciate this invitation to a special event. [Hand householder the printed invitation to the Memorial.] The Memorial of Christ’s death is the only event that the Lord Jesus Christ commanded his followers to commemorate. We look forward to reviewing what Christ accomplished by his death and how we can gain everlasting life by means of it. Last year, over 11 million were in attendance at this special meeting. It would be a pleasure to have you join me in attending this year.” Be sure to write down the time and place your congregation will celebrate the Memorial. Also, offer to provide transportation if that is needed.
    4 When newcomers attend the Memorial, they should be made welcome. Help them get acquainted with local publishers and introduce them to any interested persons who may live near their home. It will encourage them to learn that a number of people in their own neighborhood are interested in the truth. Invite them to sit with your family during the Memorial celebration if that is possible.
    5 Of course, simply attending the Memorial will not assure them of salvation. But for many you invite, it could be their first step in exercising faith in Jesus’ shed blood. On the way home from the meeting, ask the visitor if he would like to attend the Public Meeting and Watchtower Study the following Sunday. Be warm and accommodating. Let him know that you are willing to help in any way you can. The sooner he begins to associate with us on a regular basis, the faster his spiritual progress will be. What joy and satisfaction we will have to survive “the great tribulation” along with many others we may have been able to help!—Rev. 7:9, 14.

    *** km 2/97 p. 1 par. 4 What About Your Relatives? ***
    4 Many married Christians have effectively witnessed to their unbelieving mates by leaving literature open to material that might interest them. One sister who did this also conducted a study with her children within the hearing of her husband, giving explanations that would benefit him. Sometimes she would ask him: “I learned such and such in my study today. What do you think about it?” Her husband finally accepted the truth.

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