KH 1st timer, could use some advice

by rathernotsay 61 Replies latest jw friends

  • berrygerry


    There are 2 different things that need to be separated.

    Your marriage.

    The JW's.

    Suddenly becoming involved with the JW's will not improve your family.

    Your wife was unfaithful. Satan had nothing to do with it.

    The first thing that should be addressed is: Why was she unfaithful?

  • FayeDunaway

    She was unfaithful cuz she liked the attention this guy at work was giving her.

    RNS, I am concerned about your kids. You should start planting strong self esteem in them, and teach them to think for themselves.

    omg, rural NZ?? LUCKY!!

  • disposable hero of hypocrisy
    disposable hero of hypocrisy
    Having read your last thread, and being unable to offer any advice on that, I'm in the same position again. I'm just glad you're working it out, and I wish you the best of luck mate.
  • HeyThere
    My jw spouse also cheated on me...and ran back to the kh after being caught although he had been inactive for over a decade. I initially went with him to the hall, but soon realized all the manipulation and falsehoods that are commonplace in the religion. I don't go anymore, my husband has finally accepted that I will not ever be a jw. But it is challenging. Especially with kids. Good luck.
  • defender of truth
    defender of truth

    Hi rathernotsay.

    If you wanted to watch a documentary about life as a jw and the effects of it, this one by an exjw has received plenty of good feedback. Of course, there may be a good one elsewhere that is free.

    Anyway, here's one recent example of some of the 'encouraging' statements that your kids hear at meetings..

    Warning to youths thinking of leaving

  • rathernotsay

    Cheers guys, I guess ill just go to this memorial and wing most of it. Ill stick to my wife and kids like glue and try to only talk to those who I already know. Good to know about the bread and wine thing, although ill be tempted to eat and drink it just for a (I wont but ill be tempted).

    @ faye... yep it truely is a wonderful place. Having travelled alot it has me very grateful for my country. We are very lucky.

  • roberto avon
    roberto avon
    since I am " normal " ( worldly for the JWs but I use the word " normal " what make them mad...) and married to a Jw since 28 years I wanted to give you my example as a reply but after reading your other thread I canged my reply.
    How did you marry a JW? Was she baptized when you married her? My wife married me spite all the pressure of the congregation and really she went through hell was shunned and nobody oh the cong ( except 2 ) showed up at our wedding.Before marrying her I told her that se had to accept as I was and she replied;" I do and I want you just to allow me the have my religion."
    It seems to me like mentioned in other comments there are two problems;
    - your unfaithful wife and the Jws- your children
    I am not so optimistic about your marriage but I would start thinking about saving your children and there only one way that you can do that
    - birthday parties- all activities at school as other children ( christmas and other things )- hobbies and sports- " normal " friends
    So, yes go to the KH so now and then, don't accept a bible study and but most important of all, let your kids have a normal life.
  • Slave4_38y
  • rathernotsay

    @roberto... yes she was, however she was going off the rails when i met hwr, she got pregnant, defellowshiped, we married, she was reinstated. We went through the same thing with her accepting me as I was, and I not standing between her and her faith.

    as far as our kids go they are living reasonably normal lives. I celebrate their birthdays and xmas etc and they will participate fully at school. our 4 yo is even about to start his second season of football.

  • roberto avon
    roberto avon
    ok, it seems a bit like my story ( except the beginning ) so yes do your best to keep the family togheter and some visits to the KH won't hurt but be careful because they ( JWs ) have only one purpose and that is to get you as a baptized and paying/working member of their community.

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