KH 1st timer, could use some advice

by rathernotsay 61 Replies latest jw friends

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot


    "When I said that I would come along I made it explicitly clear that I am not going to start studying or believing."

    But she'll try anyways and that could be a source of friction. You put your foot in the door and she'll want to drage you in no matter what you say.

    "She just laughed and said she knows that and wont even bother trying to convince me otherwise."

    If she really believes that then what's her motivation in asking you to come?

    "It really is more about me learning who these people are particularly the elders."

    As others on this forum can tell you it is not until you're baptized that you really get to know the Witnesses, elders included.

  • rathernotsay

    She didnt ask me to come I said I would. She did however suggest the idea of me going to the memorial instead.

    I honestly dont believe she is going to try drag me back again. She knows how I feel about it and that view wont change. I also realise im not really going to get to know these elders in one meeting, id just at the least like to know what they look like. It has been suggested to me that I request a meeting with them and explain that our children are being raised with an open mind, as I still celebrate their birthdays and my family still celebrate xmas. I also (pperhaps I am being a bit niave) that the people at her KH are unlikely to try and convice me to start studying, as ive said I know a number of them and they all know my stance

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot


    "It has been suggested to me that I request a meeting with them and explain that our children are being raised with an open mind, as I still celebrate their birthdays and my family still celebrate xmas."

    Don't mean to be argumentative but... those elders have a completely different mindset than you. They would consider the idea of an open mind to be horrid. Even if they don't show it they simply won't have any respect for you. Whoever suggested such a meeting with the elders must either be incredibly naïve or down right deceptive.

  • rathernotsay

    Thats kind of what I thought too village idiot, I dont think that I would go down that road anyway. Not that I imagine they have any respect for me anyway, bitut honestly I dont give a shit. I do however give a shit about what they are saying to my my wife and kids, particularly my wife regarding our marriage at the moment. As far as the kids go ill just slowly and subtly tap away at them getting them to question it to the point they see the truth about the truth so to speak.

    So just to point it out again, im not being forced to do anything here. I just feel that it would help to know who the elders are and what the inside of the building looks like. Id just like to know if there is certian protocols that I should know before going. Ill probably just stick to my wife and kids like glue or talk to those that know me and where I stand And havent tried shoving it down my throat before

  • LisaRose

    As to the memorial, the only important thing to remember is NOT TO drink the wine or eat the bread. It's a major faux pas, as this is a privilege for only a few people who believe they are in a special group of 144,000 people who will go to heaven. Everybody else will live the earth, so they are supposed to simply pass the wine and bread around while not drinking it. It's their only real celebration all year, so people tend to get dressed up a bit more, but other than that it's as boring as the other meetings. It opens with a prayer and song, there is a talk, which emphasizes that you SHOULD NOT drink the wine or eat the bread. Then there is a prayer over the wine, then it gets passed around so most can refuse it. Everyone tries to see if anyone actually does drink the wine, so they can gossip about them and speculate on their mental health. This is because the religion taught for years that the number of the 144,000 were all ready picked, but they keep getting more partakers so after various other explanations, they started hinting that those people have mental issues. The same thing happens with the bread, then another song and prayer and the ritual refusal to celebrate the sacrifice of Jesus is over.

    I think you should go, as it's an insight into how irrational the religion is, but do go to a regular meeting as well, it will help you better understand why your wife is the way she is.

  • blondie

    Hello, personally I felt that the memorial really conveyed little about what jws really believe. It is designed for those jws that believe they will go to heaven when they die and be kings and priests in God's Messianic Kingdom. There are 8 million jws worldwide and only 14,000 plus self-proclaimed partakers of the bread and wine. With over 111,000 congregations worldwide, most congregations will have no one partaking. The rest are said to have the hope of living forever on earth in paradise.

    Many times the talk has few mentions of Jesus so it is called the Reject Jesus party.

    The number of attenders will seem large, but inactive jws, disassociated, disfellowshipped, and non-jw family (like you) and students and other unbaptized attend. Many only attend this one time yearly.

    People will be very friendly seeking out new people, especially the elders. In the various congregations I have attended this was about the only time I was noticed and greeted by an elder. In your case, you are a prospective convert and you can get more attention that the average jw who has been attending for many years.

    The best meeting to go to is the Watchtower study which puts forward doctrines and policies. You can print off a copy for that Sunday from . I suggest you read it on your own and compare it with what you already know. That website also has WT publications back ten years.

    My husband was not a jw when I married him. I wish though he had shared his doubts with me. Many times when he asked questions, the answers from the elders were less than truthful.

    I'm glad you are trying to heal the problems you and your wife have in your marriage.



    For example I know she is putting the infidelity down to satan, and is now patting herself on the back for beating him......rathernotsay

    ......................................Image result for university of stupid

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    You want advice?

    Take your wife to dinner and a movie instead of wasting your time at a Kingdom Hall......Nathan Natas

    ..............................Image result for couple at dinner

  • prologos
    If your first meeting is the memorial, it is the highlight of their spirituality, and you will realize that there is something wrong here; the other meetings are sales seminars or indoctrination sessions
  • rebel8

    My bet is, if you're trying to develop more respect for your wife and her beliefs, going to the hall is going to make it worse. In fact, anything you do to learn more about it will make you have less respect. That is because you are intelligent.

    You are going to be seriously shocked that people who appear to have their basic wits about them have lost their common sense and critical thinking.

    You are going to be disgusted at the control techniques being used--social stigma, doublethink, cognitive dissonance, love bombing, thought stopping.

    To you, it will be blatantly obvious and you will not understand why anyone could be taken in by it.

    You are going to be alarmed for your wife's wellbeing.

  • ToesUp
    Best advise....RUN!

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