Oldseeker's post with the "stinking thinking" comment reminded me of this song....lol. Hope it gives you a smile Oompa on an otherwise very serious subject.
To Quit or Control it....Drinking that is....Who has succeeded and how?
by oompa 52 Replies latest jw friends
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undercover
oompa,
I haven't read all the posts but I have a question...
Is this a fairly recent thing you've been battling? Could it be that your "escaping" into the bottle because of other pressures?
While true that drinking solves nothing, if you were to come to terms with any outside pressures that are driving you to this behavior, you may find that your "need" to drink will stablize and you can once again drink socially and in the moderation that you're comfortable with.
If you quit drinking yet are dealing with the issues that drove you to drinking, it will only present itself in some other form of addictive behavior or affect your health. Get a handle on the other problems and dealing with over drinking should be a lot easier.
I'm trying to be as vague as possible, but I think you know what I'm talking about...
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VoidEater
I cannot say for sure, I only know you (oompa) from this board, and sporadically at that.
But it seems that alcohol, for you, is currently just a way to numb yourself. To avoid issues that need engagement and closure.
In one way, it's effective - it works! It numbs you temporarily. But it also just delays the work that must be done.
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Jankyn
I haven't had a drink in more than 21 years, I'm in AA and I'm an atheist.(AA doesn't say you have to believe in God. It does say that you need to find "a power greater than yourself that will solve your problems." In my case, that power greater than myself is the principles (honesty, unselfishness, responsibility), combined with the support and fellowship I find in AA.[p] And yes, I have been (at times) more than a bit put off by the "God-talk" in AA. I just remember that it's a metaphor that works for some people. I don't have to buy it; I have to find my own path. [p] Frankly, whatever you try last is invariably what works--that's why it was the last thing! So just keep trying until your find the approach that's right for you. [p] I know people who have found their solution in church, in therapy, and in what we used to call "will power." Doesn't matter what it is--just don't stop trying. [p] As for "controlled drinking": I think (based on my observations, so this is anecdotal, not scientific) that some folks who have not yet become full-blown alcoholics can stop or moderate their drinking with varying degrees of personal effort, if they're motivated enough. [I]However[/I], for drunks like me--people who routinely drank to escape dealing with their feelings, people who routinely drank themselves to sleep, people who relied on alcohol to dull the world--abstinence may be the only answer. [p] Jankyn AND HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I HATE FIREFOX...IT WON'T LET ME FORMAT MY POSTS!!!
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stillajwexelder
like with smoking, cold turkey and permanent - can tjust have the odd drink or cigarette
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lisaBObeesa
It is unfortunate that AA and Alanon meetings can be full of 'triggers' for ex JWs. I know it made it really difficult for me. Our past has f*cked up so much stuff for us.
But don't let PTS that you got from the JWs keep you from recovery. Don't let them take that from you, too. Remember, your higher power can be the group or whatever, it doesn't have to be 'god'.
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avishai
Look into naltrexone if you want to go a medical route, not antabuse, it does'nt make you ill, and has a pretty high success rate
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jaguarbass
I quit for 5 years out of 7. It took 2 years going to AA picking up a chip, then stumbling latter in the week staying away for a month coming back starting all over, after 2 years of that I started my 5 years. They were great, heaven on earth, nirvana, tranquility, sereneity.
Looking back, counting my blessing today thanks to you. I realize my God, my higher power sent me a sponser, a real obnoxious pain in the ass who gave me tough love and wouldnt take any of my bull shxt responses. I saw the peace and serenity he had. He was like my magi and I wanted what he had. He had been the biggest drunk I knew, then he got arrested for peeing in public on clearwater beach and got sentenced to 30 days in the hole and 90 days in AA.
I was going crazy, Everything I had been told by the witnesses made no sense,was wrong.
The dubs told me everyone else was wrong that left no place to turn. Drinking as much as I could to kill the pain and glimpses of reality was taking me to the edges of insanity.
So my coworker saw my pain and kept asking why are you suffering why are you beating yourself up, you dont have to. Your stupid and crazy to do that.
Also this started for me in the 80's before I had the internet of any online groups to assist with recovering from the tower or provide information on any issue. Compared to today the 70's and 80's were the dark ages.
So I started going to AA meetings with him. Riding my harley to a meeting while my wife went to the kingdum hall. Sometimes I would go to a meeting and stop for a 6 pack of beer on the way home. I was at the point when I had a beverage it had to be alcohol. So instead of beer with a meal, I switched to Odools for a while probably for a year.
After about 2 years, I wasnt drinking and I was very thankful for my life and all the blessing that I had. I used to lay my head on my pillow and fall asleep instantly at night. I had made contact with my higher power.
But after 5 years of that, I got to be like Adam and Eve, bored with paradise, you let the good things of AA take you back out.
And I have been out since about 95. They told me when you go out and dont work the steps you will suffer. They said "suffer you bastard" And I have and I do.
AA is very similar to going to kingdumb hall meetings but 100 times better.
They dont make you any promises that are not going to come true. They dont lie to you. And if you stumble they will still talk to you.
It sounds like you drink for the same reason I and all the other alkys drink to kill pain, Theres nothing special or different about you.
You ask if alcoholism is a true disease then why is it the only one that needs God to cope with?
The answer to that is, keep it simple stupid. Thats the kind of thinking that gets you membership in AA. Thats probably the root of your emotional pain.
Once your a member you cant think that way or youll be outside looking in suffering, crying.
AA is a program for spiritually dead people. Atheism is the definition of being spiritually dead.
Look at it this way God is trying to prove he is real to you. And your turning him away. If you go to AA and work the program you can have peace and serenity here on earth. But you and I we are just like Adam and Eve. We know better. Maybe your pain and affliction is a blessing from God drawing you to him, but you keep refusing his love.
I've been there had peace, serenity for 5 of 7 years walked away from it about 13 years ago.
I'm not going back anytime soon because it is a lot of work, time and energy. And I havent sunk low enough in a long time to change. So I maintain my semi miserable state, I'm not miserable and searching like you to the point of initiating threads either looking for pity or looking for answers.
I dont need the pity and I got the answers, The answer for an alcoholic is AA.
I said either pity or answers I take it you want answers, you need to retain them and take the answers your given and put them to work. If you dont and you keep asking for answers then the search for information becomes a cry of pity. A cry of pity leads into the bottle. Pour me pour me pour me another drink.
Everybody in this world has problems, everybody on this board has problems. Were not all here, thats why were all here. Your life of drinking has made you as a child in your problem solving ability.
I'm not saying you cant solve any problems, you may be able to fix a flat, work a crossword puzzle, do algebra, be a brain surgeon, But your clueless as to how to deal with the problems that are bugging you, the emotional ones that you have been carrying around all your life. AA will show you how. But your not going to be able to retain it or even realize you heard the answers to your problems until you have spent sometime in the rooms of AA. The time in AA and away from alcohol is the time the neurons in your brain will be rewiring themselves to make a new, better, more serene and tranquil you.
LIfe is work, we all have jobs to do to live. We all have crosses to bear. Maybe its got something to do with karma and reincarnation, there I go complicating things.
Any way if your a drunk and you want to stay out of jail, stay out of trouble not commit suicide, AA works, It works if you work it.
The reason it is not 100% successful is the same reason the world is full of fat people and cigarette smokers and the jails are full of criminals. Because it takes work. Sobriety for an alcoholic is a job.
It starts out with 90 meetings in 90 days, then I would say to maintain you have to do just like the witnesses 3 meetings a week, maybe you need to go everyday.
Birds of a feather flock together, it sounds like your flocking with the wrong birds.
Alcoholics never have a problem quitting drinking.
Their problem always begins when they start drinking.
You say your higher power may still be out there you just havent heard from him ever.
God is everywhere, he is in the good and the love that anyone ever shows you.
He is also in the good orderly direction that you, an alcoholic would find at AA. Good, Orderly, Direction. He even spelt it out for you. He turned his name into an acronym so you would understand.
Whatever I say to you here, I am reading myself and taking it to heart because these are the things they teach at AA.
What AA really is is a suicide prevention program because thats where alcoholic drinking leads, If your drinking to kill your pain rather than going to a meeting and learning how to process your pain and rewiring your brain if you keep drinking your killing yourself one drink at a time or like Hemingway.
Social drinkers are not alcoholics, and alcoholics are not social drinkers.
Someone who can drink 1 or 2 beers is not going to have the answer that your looking for.
1 or 2 beers or 1 or 2 cocktails, shots of whiskey or wine people like you and I are not even interested in. Theres not going to be a party with two drinks, there is just going to be an angry, desperate drunk looking for more.
I can tell you this from my experience, after a couple of years of not drinking and regularly attending AA meetings, you can go to bars and have a good time without drinking, you can be around people that are drinking and have a good time without drinking. And thats magic in itself.
Personally I went to bars because I am a musician and made my living there.
If you dont have business in a bar then a bar is kind of like hanging out in a barber shop. Sooner or latter your going to get a haircut.
So I think the problem I have and you have with not drinking is like they told me at AA.
The only thing that has to change is
EVERYTHING.
And right now you like things the way they are.
But thank you for having your problem so I can understand mine.
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anewme
Dear Oompa, you may be like me. The alcohol, in a very small amount, at first numbs a certain depression pain. That feels good. But after a sip or two the old alcoholic reasoning kicks in and says "Lets keep this going!" So a few more sips leads to a few more glasses and soon the good sense is gone altogether!
I asked myself, what am I really looking for in a glass of wine or the stiff drink?
I realized what I really wanted was to pass out. Yes! I admitted that I love passing out! I know this sounds ridiculous but it is true. Passing out is giving up and putting yourself in someone else's hands.
Gods hands, death's hands, I dont know. But it is wanting someone to take the pain away, the effort away, the frustrations away. Take it all away! I dont want it anymore!
When I realized I loved passing out but didnt want to wind up behind the wheel of my car wrapped around a tree, I invested in a little bottle of OTC or over the counter night time head ache tabs with
Acetaminophen 500mg (pain reliever)
Diphenhydramine HCL 25mg (nighttime sleep-aid)
These little pills are there if I need them. I may take one or two maybe once or twice a month when I have the occasional rough day emotionally and need to calm down and go to sleep. They gently lull me into a
peaceful stupor and I bid the family adieu and goodnight and toddle off to bed. I sleep peacefully all night and in the morning I awake refreshed and happy without hangover or regret.
I am prone towards depression, so I take a vitamin with plenty of Bs and ginseng and St Johns Wort.
I stopped drinking one October night in 2004 after spending three years trying to kill myself with alcohol after getting dfd and leaving my 20 year JW marriage. Actually alcohol played a huge role in my demise as a witness. I should never have touched the stuff, knowing what it did to my mother. Everyone who touches it has to learn his limits or suffer the consequences.
Hope this helps you Oompa. I dont like taking medication for anything. But taking two pills occasionally and keeping my life intact is better than drinking a bottle of booze and forgetting I am married.
Anewme -
oompa
oldseeker-
I was an elder when my problems came to the point of being critical. I was not helped at all by my fellow elders, some of whom where headed in the same direction I was in. The answer to my problem from them was "just quit drinking".
Welcome oldseeker! I just realised these were your first three posts.....and major contributions already! AND LMAO!!!! Yeah I just noticed NOBODY has suggested going to the elders for help!!! hahaha....that is a quick way to not be a witless anymore though..........
Sweet..........Sweestuff.....that was funny....who was it btw....not a big country fan so don't recognize him.
Undercover:
I haven't read all the posts but I have a question...
Is this a fairly recent thing you've been battling? Could it be that your "escaping" into the bottle because of other pressures?
I have been a pretty heavy drinker for 15 years. But the difficulties with my wake up.......it was a very rough first year coming to terms with it all and the manner it shook out...Then a solid two years of growing, living a double life, while married to a super JW! So ya...I have been really abusing it for three years....a painkiller, and tonic cause I have not been able to deal with some things I face in my life, especially my family life. Slowly tasting freedom for two years and not being able to do much with it is bummer. I have finally taken recent steps to deal with issues that need to be addressed. My first joint session with the marriage counselor is next week! I have some confidence building that facing up to my fears will will greatly lessen my reason to misuse the booze.
Thanks All!!.............oompa