To Quit or Control it....Drinking that is....Who has succeeded and how?

by oompa 52 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  digderidoo

  The question of quit or control is a massive issue for someone who first comes to realise they have a problem with alcohol.

  Every recovering alcoholic that i know would wish that they can control it, but most realise they can't. If you we're to tell a recovering alcoholic that there is this wonder drug that enables you to actively enjoy a controlled social drink i think just about everyone of them would take that drug. But the fact of the matter is that there isn't a drug available that works like that.

  I can only speak for myself.

  About 3 or 4 years ago i realised i had a problem with drink and drugs(ecstasy and cannabis). Thinking my problem was the drugs (as everyone drinks) i gave them up. This had a massive effect and i felt i was on the correct road. That said i could still go out occasionally and have the odd joint or the odd pill and it was never a problem in that sense.

  When i realised my drinking was getting out of control was when i was homeless and my kids needed me (i won't go into why). At the point in my life when my kids needed me most i couldn't do much for them as i was homeless. This had a drastic effect so you know what? I'd control and limit my drinking to the weekend and the odd night. The problem for me is that when i went out on a Friday night i would binge, without even realising it. This would have the effect of having a hangover all weekend. Then came sunday afternoon watching the football with the lads, a few pints didn't hurt did they? Monday i'd have a hangover. Tuesday i'd be okay but someone would phone either Tuesday or Wednesday, again another session. Hangover till Friday. then the process repeated itself.

  The thing for me is that i could limit my drinking to maybe just 3 nights a week but the days i wasn't drinking i was hungover anyway.

  All i can say is that going through about 2 years of trying to control it, i came to December of last year when because of my job, just about every client i had gave me a bottle of wine for Christmas. I gave up in December trying to control it and thought i'd get drunk over Christmas then phone the AA in the new year.

  The new year came and i went to my first AA meeting. I have issues with regards to the spiritual side to it, as some have commented, but walking through those doors on that first night was one of the best things i have ever done in my life. I put it up there with the birth of my kids.

  In this time period i have tried controlling it again for about 4 or 5 weeks, with the help of my doctor, but i just didn't enjoy it. The point of a limited controlled social drink is to relax. All i can say for me is that to limit my drinking i can't relax, in fact i don't know whether any alcoholic can.

  Now i could mention all the things that drink has done to me, there are some AA meetings where thats all some talk about, i prefer to stay away from those type of meetings, because i have a list as long as my arm as to what drinks done to me but i don't like to dwell on it. There are other meetings where they talk of the positive stuff non drinking has done, those are the ones i go to.

  So to finish on a positive note, since i have decided to stop drinking taking each day at a time (there have been a couple of slips, but only slips). My confidence has come back, every time i have a problem i now face it head on. I will stare an issue in the face, whereas beforehand i would drink on it and make it a bigger issue. I now have a great relationship with my kids, we do stuff together. Tonight i walked the dog to the shops with my daughter having a laugh. I picked my son up from school, laughing all the way back to the car. My sense of humour has come back. I have took up scuba diving, something i have wanted to do since i was a kid! I go to the gym. I now even have a car that is fully mot'd, insured and taxed and i never drive it over the limit. I have started earning some decent money, i even have a savings account, something i have never had. I look forward to each day that i am not drinking. My social life is changing away from the drink scene, it takes time. It's these little things to me that makes a difference and guess what, all these little things add up to one big thing. At the forefront of this though is a great relationship with my kids.

  Would i like to control my drinking? Yes, i'd love to, but hey i can't. The only drink i can control is not to pick up the first one.

  Paul
• 

  Twitch

  Lotsa good stuff here.

  oompa, i understand what you going through. One day at a time eh?
• 

  digderidoo

  Further to what i said just someone said to me at the first AA meeting i went to which stook in my mind. He said, "you know it's really easy not to drink, you just don't pick up that first glass, that's it, it's that easy. The hard thing to do though is to deal with all the crap that life can throw at you."

  For alcoholics, we learn to associate the drink with the answer to a problem. An issue arises and we deal with it by drinking. Therefore a new way to react to issues has to be learned. And there are people out there who can teach these new ways. It's a steep learning curve to learn. The act of not picking up that first glass, it's actually easier than we think, it's the other crap we need to deal with. What alcoholics need to do is to seperate lifes crap from a drink.

  A good site is www.soberrecovery.com for anyone trying to give up drink.

  Paul
• 

  Eliveleth

  Thinking about just giving it up....I always revert back to a nightly habit.....and the occasasinal Big Escape into the bottle. But of course you can't live there, and it fixes nothing.

  Because I think I do have a problem, I went to some AA meetings and found them to be too much like WT. If alcholism is a true disease, then why is it the only one that needs God (or a higher power to cure (or cope with). I have never had any problem quitting, side effects or anything, even when quitting for a year 4 years ago. But being just a social drinker or always being moderate is difficult for me, and I tend to use it as a pain killer....and I do have pain to kill. My higer power may still be out there, I have just not heard from him in a long, long, time.......as in never.......................oompa

  Dearest Oompa,

  When I first read your post, I felt so much empathy for you and wanted to share my experience with you, but as I read all of the posts and realized that most people who are posting do not believe in God, I wavered. I do not want to push my belief in God on anyone.However, I just know that He has saved me from many terrible situations and drinking is one of them. I cannot attribute my quitting to anyone else, so here goes:

  Let me share my drinking life: I was a Jehovah's Witness from the time my folks started studying in 1938 (I was willing baptized, by my own desire) when I was 10 years old) until I started having doubts in 1983. During our life as JWs drinking became a big part of it. We drank on nights when there were no meetings, we drank after service and after meetings. We planned our days around drinking. We drank ahead of parties so we wouldn't be seen as drunks and there has been the occasion when I stole someone elses drink, I am ashamed to admit. I never thought I was an alcoholic.

  I realized I had a drinking problem in about 1981 when I lost an afternoon. We were at the home of our drinking buddies (elder and his wife) He was mixing screwdrivers with a sweet powdered mix and I was hypogylcemic.(deadly combination for me - sugar and alcohol) When we got ready to go home, I realized I did not know what had gone on for most of the day. It was a total blank! I had lost more than half a day. I asked my husband how I had acted and he said "normal". Since he had been drinking heavily too, I am not sure what that meant. However, it was at that time that I realized that I had to stop. BUT I COULD NOT!!! I had prayed to Jehovah and that was not helping. I did not know why. I tried will power. That did not work. I could not go to a counselor or to AA because that would be turning to the world, which the WT strongly denounced. My husband being an elder, I could not go against their mandates.

  I was desperate! What could I do? I had read in the Old Testament that a person could make a vow to Jehovah. But I realized that if I did, I could not break it. What if I couldn't keep it and then I would be condemned by Jehovah. I tried everything and when I came up empty, I knew I had to take the chance. So I made a vow not to drink for a week. I figured I could handle that. And my reasoning was that if I didn't drink for a week maybe the alcohol would clear out and I would be able to drink reasonably. I did not realize even then that I was an alcoholic. After the week I went back to drinking just as I had before, after one drink, it led to another and another. I never was a stumbling drunk because my hypoglycemia alway made me pass out before I reached that point. To make a long story a little shorter I lengthened the time that I would vow not to drink until I got to the point I figured I could handle a year and surely after a year, I would be able to drink sensibly (yeah, right).

  It was our anniversary right after my year was up and we went to dinner and I drank so much that I vomited in the parking lot. This was so humiliating, I was so disgusted with myself that I immediately vowed not to drink for another year. At the end of that year I told my husband, I am not going to drink again. He told me don't vow, just don't drink. Because I knew that in the OT a husband could disanull a vow, I said OK, but in my heart I vowed for another year and felt that I would never drink again. I never did. I have been sober for 27 years and today, I can taste (I said taste, not drink) a sip of champagne for a toast, or taste my daughter's drink, but I have no desire to drink!!! But I know if I let down my guard and have one beer, one glass of wine or a mixed drink, I am in danger of being back in my same old pattern.

  Oompa, you said "I am thinking", I think". You do not sound ready to make the total committment it takes to stop drinking. You have to be willing to do what it takes. God did not miraculously deliver me, but he gave me the tools to quit. I know this route is not for most people, even today, I would not go this way, but I felt I had no choice at the time. You have to be desperate enough to find whatever can help you. If you are not willing to go to AA "because they are too much like the WT" you are not ready yet. I do not hear the cry for help that all alcoholics get to when they are ready. Maybe you have to lose a day or get in an accident or have your liver fail before you are ready.

  Each of us comes to the point when we have had enough.

  You have had a lot of good advice, now it is up to you.

  I love you and feel for your dilemna.

  Velta
• 

  HappyDad

  Face it OOMPA........you are a garden variety ALCHOHOLIC..............no different from the rest of us ALCHOHOLICS who have surrendered and gotten clean. Some of us for many years........some of us just recently. Your biggest problem is that you won't face up to your problem because your ALCHOHOLISM is a recurring theme here on JWD. Another problem is the ones who call you a friend and coddle you. Everyone here needs to abandon you until you accept responsibility for your own actions. You don't need another enabler. GROW UP MAN AND QUIT BELLYACHING ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL. You think you are cute with many of your posts.........but you are showing the world that you are one F.....UPPED individual. Stop making threads about your drinking and actually do something about it. You are becoming a cyst to intellegent people on JWD. Go to a rehab and do what they say. There's nothing worse than a drunk who keeps repeating him/herself over and over.....wishing things were different. If you don't like the GOD talk in AA? .......then look up RATIONAL RECOVERY online. But then again.......I told you this before but you are not interested in getting better..........you want a magic wand to be waved and all will be well..... and you crave negative atention. It ain't gonna happen dude. I wish I knew how to keep my posts from running together......so I apologize for this. I need to learn what to do about it. Do something about it or leave! HappyDad
• 

  digderidoo

  Face it OOMPA........you are a garden variety ALCHOHOLIC..............no different from the rest of us ALCHOHOLICS who have surrendered and gotten clean. Some of us for many years........some of us just recently. Your biggest problem is that you won't face up to your problem because your ALCHOHOLISM is a recurring theme here on JWD. Another problem is the ones who call you a friend and coddle you. Everyone here needs to abandon you until you accept responsibility for your own actions. You don't need another enabler. GROW UP MAN AND QUIT BELLYACHING ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL. You think you are cute with many of your posts.........but you are showing the world that you are one F.....UPPED individual. Stop making threads about your drinking and actually do something about it. You are becoming a cyst to intellegent people on JWD. I wish I knew how to keep my posts from running together......so I apologize for this. I need to learn what to do about it. Do something about it or leave! HappyDad

  Thats very harsh.

  Paul
• 

  oompa

  I found this to be an amazing and enlightening thread.......thanks so much for all the sharing.....really...............

  One thing told to me recently may be my contribution here......a counselor told me "it does not matter if I am an alcoholic or not. What matters if it is a problem for me. How do I know if I have a problem? As soon as it starts causing you problems."

  Well it has, and I know I do......so I am making some changes that I hope will improve my life.............thanks guys.............oompa
• 

  runningonfaith

  i'm in the same boat,oompa.

  i don't want to drink,but i have to ,to stop my mind.

  sometimes i just don't want to think,too much baggage......
• 

  jaguarbass

  Paxil will stop your mind, it stopped mine.

  When my father died about 5 years ago I went on it. And just a very mild dose, 10 miligrams, it slowed me down so, I was able to do my job and function. But it took me about a month to get an errection then after about a year i rewired my brain and that part was back to normal.

  The down side is, you have a medical history to follow you the rest of your life, You may not be able to buy insurance.

  Paxil slows your mind but it doesnt feel as good as 3 years in AA working the program. Its a synthetic drug, working AA provides a natural high releasing your dopamine and all your other good chemicals.

  If your an alcoholic and you stop drinking but you dont go to AA or work the program, then you are what is called a dry drunk, you are miserable but you have no alcohol to get you in trouble with the law.

  If I could choose over again, knowing what I know, I would choose alcohol over paxil, But AA over both alcohol and paxil.

  The problem I have with paxil is they mark you and your medical records follow you for the rest of your life. This is a big brother society.

  Our society loves making people victims and wards of the state. Big brother would love nothing more than for you or I to enter the system and be clients for life.

  If you cant buy insurance because you took paxil then you have a medical problem and you go bank- rupt then your wandering the streets in and out of jail. This society loves that. Believe me I know. I work in the county jail and I see all the people that couldnt get their shxt together in and out of there just hoping to get 30 days in the hole so they can get a few meals and maybe some medicine. Then some of them dont even want to leave. They got familys living in the jail cousins, brothers, nephews.

  Fxxd up people are a big commodity to be processed and manipulated by politcal powerss.

  If they got 3000 criminals in the jail, they probably have 10 bad axes and 2990 people whos shxts not together.

  It's big business, and the business I'm in.

  And paxil is kind of laying the responsibility of how you should think and process information off on a pill, its the easy armchair way out.
• 

  wha happened?

  My big addiction was not alcohol but cocaine. It was the 80's, I had a record deal and the coke was flying. My record was 11K in a month on coke. I quit in '88. Never again. Cigarettes in '89. Addiction is scary and strong. When I quit coke, I slept for 3 days, had skin rashes where I would scratch the skin off my self for months. For years I could smell the ether and feel a buzz. It eventually subsided.