You may want to write to Pam about her callousness and send a copy of the letter to her elders and to anyone else in the congregation that you know or know of. www.whitepages.com can help you out with current addresses. Make good points, don't use any bad language or say anything that they can hone in on and say, see, we knew he was like that. Abusive people will pick on any detail to justify themselves.
Once you have sent the letter, consider that your garbage pickup. Leave them to their self-imposed isolationist misery. You've got a lot of living to do!
It is a bit different for me.
I absolutely know there is nothing a DF'd person can ever say that can be heard on a communicative level. This is mostly because it will not be read as a "fair hearing".
I'll give you an example.
Just after I moved back to Fort Worth from being away in California for ten years I was meeting an art salesman after work at a local pub. It was called, I believe, the Treehouse. It was an upscale watering hole and not a dive.
As I sat at a random table watching the front entrance an old JW acquaintance (I'd known her forever, it seems) walked in and spotted me.
She came over to my table and looked down at the ashtray. "Being disfellowshipped has driven you to cigarettes and booze, eh?"
Huh?
"What do you mean?" I asked her.
She gestured at the table as though it were a "given" that I had become the lowest of the low.
I chose to treat her words as though she were kidding me. I laughed and replied, "I've never smoked in my life and don't plan on it. What's a nice Witness girl like you doing in a place like this?"
She immediately became uncomfortable and made distracting small talk and then walked right back out the door.
Very strange, indeed.
I thought about it.
An active JW fully expects that the only thing preventing you from becoming a serial killer, pimp, crackhead, bankrobbing s.o.b. is staying in the Kingdom Hall!
So...I would NEVER give them the satisfaction of ever hearing it from my lips that they had hurt me in any way! Why? Because it would GIVE THEM PLEASURE to know it!
I prefer the passing remark instead. Like I said at the funeral a month ago, "I guess staying in the "truth" ages a person prematurely for some reason." I said this because everybody but a very few looked like nine miles of bad road.
I refuse to fit any JW's stereotype of what they expect me to be as far as "apostate" is concerned. I'll kill them with kindness first!