Have you ever just felt crushed by what someone has said to you?

by Hope4Others 62 Replies latest jw friends

  • Velvetann

    Hope4others, I do hope you are not hurting from something crushing said to you recently. If so I feel for you and hope you feel better soon.

    Yes I have been crushed many times by things people have said to me. I am very sensitive.

    By far the worst thing that ever was ever said to me I have never fully recovered from. One of my daughters told me she hated me and that she wished I was dead. She said That I was a whore (that hurt and I was remarried not a whore) and that I would never care about anyone but myself and she would never talk to me again. That was about 10 years ago. She is 29 years old now. It hurt sooooooooooooo much I felt like she literally took a knife to my heart. I am divorced from her Father and she is a Daddys girl. Her Father told my children total lies about me when I left him and she believed him. He tried to turn them against me. I knew when she said that to me and how she said it to me (over the phone) that she would never take back those words. I tried to stay with him (her Father) but he was mentally and sexually abusive to me. I mean it was very BAD!!!! She was the only one that believed or listened to these lies and she does hate me. Strange that my oldest daughter insisted that her Father molested her (did not take it to the authorities) but I am the one that is the bad person. My other 3 children are on good terms with me. She also has not talked to my daughter her older sister in 3 years. She often will not talk to her brothers for months and even her Father if they do not side with her. She has never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend and still lives with her Father. She doesn't work, etc. I have know since she was 10 that she has emotional problems probably because of body chemistry or bipolar type thing. My exhusband would not let me have her treated.

    Sorry Hope, I did go on with that didn't I. Just wanted to vent. You asked and I told you.


  • Casper

    Yes, I've been there done that. I may forgive someone, but I have a very hard time forgetting.

    I tend to carry a grudge.

    I sincerely hope today is better for you.


  • Eyes Open
    Eyes Open

    Crushed, no. Hurt, yes.

    As humans we naturally tend to assign importance to what is said by those who are closest to us, and in an ex-cultist's case that can result in pain. But when I look in my eyes in the mirror - I mean really look - I know that I'm me and that I'm doing what I believe is best - that's something that no one else can take away.

    I think what hillary_step posted was good.

    Hope you're not crushed, H4O. Strength to you to recover if you are in pain.

  • CoonDawg

    Yes I have. Sometimes by what is said and at others by what was NOT said.

    My ex had the knack for handing me my heart on a stick by what she didn't say. I'll never forget a week of going the extra mile to be kind and considerate. Towards the end of that week (and NO it wasn't to make up for messing up) I was on the phone and I poured out my heart to her. When I was done I told her how much I loved her. All I got was silence, then a reluctant "okay". I can't even begin to describe what it's like to love someone so much and to try so hard but then have it all just rejected. Eventually she told me she had never loved me, but that was months after the divorce.

    The other is my daughter. I try and make exeptions for being under her mother's twisted influence, but when she says "I'll just call you by your first name because you're not really my dad. D***'s my dad. A father is supposed to spiritually provide and you don't." Oh sure, I'll forgive her in light of the circumstances, but it is crushing to be so rejected by your own child...the only one you have and who you love more than the breath of life itself.

    If you started this topic because of being crushed, I certainly hope that you bounce back quickly. Sure they are only words, but they scar a relationship just as any hammer might scar the finish of a fine piece of furniture. They are still functional, but they are never the same.

  • llbh

    Yes very much but it is important to see what lies behind the words, did the person really mean it?

    Is the relationship worth saving? Usually yes so how can we move on?

    We all get hurt and need to be understand , and hope that people accord us the same kindness

    regards David

  • lonelysheep

    Yes, for what was said and a few times for what was not said. These have all been done by family.

    The only thing that may 'crush' you is a combination of hurtful words and low self-esteem. In this case, half the problem is with us. Why should peoples words have such a drastic effect on our emotions, they are after all just people with the same frailities as ourselves.

    I see it as a combination of hurtful words specific to the situation. That combined with the vulnerability of self to the given situation, and how that situation affects that person's life going forward. It's only low self-esteem if that second person (people) truly have no impact on the situation itself.

  • Layla33

    When I was younger, yes - but mainly by my family. As an adult, rarely. I have been hurt, occasionally, but not crushed. I don't consider myself a sensitive person, and I was raised to not give a lot of validity to words. The only people that can cause me pain are people that I truly love.

    When my baby brother told me he just didn't feel I loved him enough growing up, that hurt more than words could say.

  • darth frosty
    darth frosty

    I went to an aerspace school and was in the student pilot program(this was in high school.) The instructor was...I dont want to say racist, but he favored the white students and the only girl in the program. After an instruction flight that didn't go so well he brought me into his office and almost completely crushed my spirit. Told me how I should give up flying and that I could never solo(Thats the big goal of every student pilot.)

    This was my senior year of high school. I was in tears.

    The key to any adversity is how you come out from it. I finished high school and found a new flight instructor. A year later I solo'ed I finished my flight career with over 60 flight hours (over 20 solo.) I would have gotten my private pilots license but ran out of money and life took over.

  • Tired of the Hypocrisy
    Tired of the Hypocrisy

    Sure have. Why you asking Hope? Someone say something to hurt you?

  • Hope4Others

    Thank you all for your experiences and kind words, I appreciate you all immensely.

    And Hillary said: The only thing that may 'crush' you is a combination of hurtful words and low self-esteem. In this case, half the problem is with us

    Well I definitely do not have low self esteem but I will agree with the problem can partially lie within me. I normally am very up beat and positive and have no doubt read too much

    into something. I will be ok.

    Thanks I luv you all!


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