This is just my thought, but I think the very root of the large issue is that it is sometimes hard to not accept things as they are.
We are human beings, designed and 'built' with a need for guidance and authority from a greater being than ourselves, that being being God. That's just the way we have been created... no two other ways about.
Think honestly (as i'm sure you often do), why does is it seem SO hard to depend on JUST yourself. Could it be that it is because you were simply not created to do so? Could it be as simple as that?
If you can accept this, then you may be able to accept that God is the way He is because HE is. That's why he is called Almighty, because He is and not only has given himself the authority but has the power to do anything, it's just the way it is, you cannot change that however we might find 'alternative' ways of thinking.
God is fear inspiring, absolutely. But He rewards loyalty %100 percent of the time. That is why those that cling to him find peace and inner joy despite any crisis, despite that fact that He also takes action on the wicked.
Free will exists because Jehovah God wants us to love him out of our own self and heart, not because we have to. That does NOT mean however that he has not 'built' you with a 'need' for Him. When our actions don't lign up with that 'need', there is confusion, sadness, emptiness, anger, and so forth, because it is not natural.
Jesus himself went thru incredible pain and death so that we may continue to have the option of having such a relationship with Jehovah. Think about it, had it not been for Jesus, we'd REALLY have no hope or even a CHOICE like we have now. You can argue that Jesus extended that choice.
So meditate on it. There is nothing wrong with searching for this answer, remember that Jehovah is who He is and that will NEVER change. And remember that his son Jesus made possible a choice for us.