Why do I feel like I'm losing my wife to this website?

by sarabi 104 Replies latest jw friends

  • LouBelle

    Hello sarabi - I'm not anti JW. I was raised up in "the truth" and spent 28 years being a faithful witness, doing the preaching work, giving talks, answering up and was strong. 3 years ago I decided to take my research further and do research on the actual religion I belonged too.

    When I tried turning to the very ones I had grown up with, my family, the body of elders because things weren't tallying up - I got a very rude awakening - I was told in no uncertain terms to stop my research because I was going down the path of destruction. I even agreed to have a sister in very high standing study again with me, for us to go through each doctrine with ONLY THE BIBLE and not just the JW one - I"m talking various translations, a greek bible, a hebrew bible to get to the bottom of these discripensies - the sister couldn't prove anything to me.

    My family "handed me over to the elders" and within in 6 months I was disfellowshipped. At my judictial committee I asked the very men I had grown up with why they treated me, their sister in the faith without much love - because surely if we were the true religion our love would shine through - I was told very plainly that it wasn't just love - it was our neutrality we were known for......I was told because I couldn't accept the organisation I was an apostate and that I had turned my back on Jehovah - I said thank you, got up and left, I never looked back, as I walked I sobbed my heart out because I knew it was Jehovah that had shown me HIS TRUTH according to HIM that made me leave. You see I had prayed to Jehovah without letup to show me his truth and he did.

    I urge you and your wife to sit down together in your family unit and go through each doctrine. You love your wife very much and she loves you and I'm sure it's tearing you both apart to be at this crossroads - you don't need an organisation to make your relationship with God holy or acceptable. I will keep you in my prayers. Just be open to reason.

    This place is a support forum for those that have been disfellowshipped and know the heartache of being shunned - that is purely a man made doctrine and christ did not teach it. The JWs need it in order to "shut up the mouths" of those that would speak the truth about the organisation.

    Peace to you and may you find your hearts desire.

  • outofthebox

    Hi Sarabi. Welcome to the Real World!

  • Finally-Free

    All I'll say is - Reasearch everything thoroughly using every source available. Real truth should have nothing to fear from an honest, critical examination.


  • Quirky1

    Welcome to the board Sarabi....I hope you will continue searching here.

    This forum is full of people in the same situation or a similar one. In my case I was the searching husband. I was an MS and account servant for many years almost an elder. Due to the wealth of information I found here and thru the reading of CofC I found deceipt and debauchery with the JW's & WTBS. This tore my world to pieces. and I could no longer live a lie nor convey that lie to others. This resulted in resigning as an MS and eventually no longer attending meetings, service, etc..

    My wife is still very much an active JW and my actions really affected her mentally to the point that the relationship was disintegrating beyond repair. My wife, like you, resented the fact that I came to this website. At first she thought it was apostate then it turned to jealosy from speaking to others but she eventually accepted it. I explained my reasons and concerns for having such doubts in the Society but she rejects these claims as most JW's do. They always say that the FDS have reasons for their changes and decisions they make in their doctrine since they are directed divinely.

    We have come to terms in the area of religion for now. She continues with her religious endeavors and lets me be agnostic in my views, which I keep to myself most of the time especially around her JW family. I try to sneak a seed for thought to her once in awhile. I think basically you need to respect each others space. It isn't as though either of you are having an affair. Please be patient with each other as you both strive to be one together whether it's religiously or not.

    I hope you both work thru this as my wife and I are trying to do. Beleive me, it gets easier every day.


  • sf

    carla, I didn't read all five pages, yet. But your posts are ALWAYS worth reading: [[ it's good to get angry sometimes. It spurs me into action, time to print some more anti witness material to be delivered this week. That is the only tangible thing I can do, my jw has handed his brain over on a silver platter to a book publishing company masquerading as a religion. The least I can do is warn others about this dangerous and deadly cult. ]] At least you are actually doing something, and tangibly. If only more active jws who post here would get out there and do something, tangible. What a difference THAT would make. sKally

  • minimus

    Sarabi, all I can say is that if you can OBJECTIVELY read FACTS, you should have no issue or problem seeing the obvious. Also, just to get you thinking, the whole Faithful Slave belief is not scripturally sound as to it being ALL members of the remaining anointed ones comprising in total, 144,000, who give the spiritual food at the proper time. Not ALL do so. Ask an anointed person living in France what spiritual food emanated from him/her and they will tell you they too must wait for the GB to make the food available. THE WHOLE DOCTRINE IS ILLOGICAL!!!!

  • inkling
    Real truth should have nothing to fear from an honest, critical examination.


  • undercover

    A belated welcome to the board!

    I see that you're getting inundated with replies to your original post. Well...here's one more. Hope it helps.

    I'm glad to see that you're concerned for your wife enough to investigate what it is she is researching. I know that in my case, when I started to do independant research online and in the library, my JW family wanted no part of it nor saw the paradox in condemning doing research on the Watchtower Society while at the same time encouraging their Bible students to do research against their former religions.

    Not all here are anti-JW...I'd say most of us are anti-Watchtower Society. To many people they may be one and the same, but I see individual JWs as people who are just trying to do the right thing for the most part while the Society is a publishing company under the guise of religion.

    The damnable thing about the Society is that the leadership has placed themselves on a pedestal as being God's messenger and only they have the power to distribute knowledge of God or his purpose.

    Once someone decides that this religion is not for them, they can't just leave...they're too involved. The Society and their rules and traditions place a heavy burdon on anyone who decides to think for themselves or try to leave. What's so wrong about researching? What if someone decides to no longer be a JW? What is this special crime that it breaks up marriages and families when one uses their own critical thinking ablility?

    I applaud your effort to understand your wife and her intentions. I think that it shows that you really do love her and want only the best for her...but what if you did some research and realized that she might be on to something that you hadn't thought of before? Would you be willing to go further with her...or would you remain loyal to the organization(notice I said organization, not Jehovah God)?

    Your answer to that question will show just how much you do love her or how much your willing to sacrifice that love for loyalty to a religion.

  • jamiebowers

    After reading your posts and the responses from everyone else, I'm struck by the fact that you or anyone else have not addressed the illness that your wife is suffering. My most vivid recollections of your wife's posts include that she's been diagnosed with PTSD, and she has a problem with believing that everyone except jws will be destroyed at Armageddon. Though I would like to encourage you to investigate the history of the WTB&TS, as many others have, I would also encourage you to look into why Cognac was diagnosed with PTSD in the first place. This condition usually attacks people who have been to war or endured periods of unalleviated mental and/or physical suffering. Has the belief system of the WTB&TS caused such a condition in your wife? Please, for both of your sakes and the sake of your marriage, get joint counseling to better understand the current condition of your wife's health and mental well being. In so doing, the counselor will probably be able to explain to you why Cognac finds this board so desirable. It is a place for her to vent and question in a safe environment.

    Please also understand many others use this board for the same purposes Cognac does. It is very painful to be shunned by your friends and family for any reason. Many people have been disfellowshipped for "sins" that have no realistic atonement. For instance, if a WTB&TS teaching doesn't make sense to you, how can you ever convince yourself that it does? When I was a jw, my jw husband was extremely mentally and physically abusive. Doctors and judges deemed him so dangerously homicidal and suicidal that he was committed to mental insitutions on two different occasions. When I filed for divorce, the elders gave their standard advice; be a better wife and wait on Jehovah. When I told them that I was going to follow through with the divorce, they advised me that I wouldn't be able to remarry until I could prove adultery on his part. By then, I'd been through almost seven years of torment and was by no means interested in remarrying. But, for me, it was the principle of the thing. I was literally running for my life and did not have the time or inclination to wait around to see what he would do, adultery or otherwise. When I explained my situation to them, the answer was the same; obey the WTB&TS or else. I offered to disassociate myself, but the elders chose to disfellowship me instead.

    But I digress...Follow through with a thorough investigation of the reasons behind your wife's illness. Allow both of you the freedom to seek answers from others besides the WTB&TS. Understand that many people have been hurt by the society. Only then will you have a reasonable chance of keeping your marriage together.

  • minimus

    by the way, you can't lose your wife to a website.

    Maybe you should ask the elders if you now have grounds for divorce. (losing your wife to a website).....Just kidding you, bro. I hope you stick around and try to think impartially. Who knows? Maybe you can be allowed to do that, huh?

Share this