So what caused you to have doubts in the first place?

by nicolaou 106 Replies latest jw friends

  • Bring_the_Light

    11 years old. I don't remember why, but I was feeling insecure about life in general (not about "the truth"). I laid in my bed and prayed to Jehovah telling him that I want to know "the Truth" to "really understand".

    I basically didn't understand why people behave the way they do, I always felt like people were either super ignorant or else knew something I didn't and I couldn't decide which, but "something was going on" that I wasn't a party to, because I couldn't understand. I asked Jehovah to fill me in, it was the most sincere, intense prayer I ever prayed. I shit you not, Jehovah answered my prayer, when I woke up the next morning I didn't "believe" anything. I don't mean I was somehow disappointed, and so started to doubt, I mean the entire sense of "believing" anything left me and I became completely agnostic about everything, religion and even basic assumptions any person would make about life. I began to feel like the most mundane things were completely insane, just existing felt like a combination of a miracle and a nightmare. Life is extraordinary, specifically because it is a mystery. Nothing is "normal". 27 years ago, I didn't exist, now I do and am made of matter, the same stuff everything else is made of, in less than 60 years I will probably die without any idea how that happened. Whatever it is, I'm sure it is not a tradgedy, so i do not miss faith in god. If you knew me during my later High School days, you'd remember me as that wierd kid who would blurt things out like "Reality is very, very real".

    Sit quietly someplace, sometime, and just think about "how real" the world around you is. Maybe you'll understand what I mean.

    Every day since has been a naked journey, looking at what generations of people have thought before me, trying to draw my own conclusions/decisions, and being absolutely sure I know nothing and this life is more extraordinary, strange, terrible and wonderful than I think most people understand. We were impossible, everything we have thought about what we are is probably bullshit, and here we are, what are we? "Spiritual enlightenment" and peace have come from completely losing my faith in god. Its not a sad thing somehow, its liberating.

    It is what it is regardless of what you think about it - Mortimer Adler

    It is the fool who knows everything, the truly wise know that they know nothing - No idea who said that, but I would guess he/she was an agnostic.

    Oh, and on JW's specifically, in college my "this isn't truth" solidified to "this is a cult" because I came to understand the parallels to every other kind of human dogma and control. I also lost a girlfriend who basically left me for not being a good JW (not sure how stuffing her tongue down my throat, sneaking around etc, puts her in any place to judge, but I didn't mind if she wasn't a good JW), seeing someone I loved reject me on the unspoken orders of the cult had a big effect. I was already gone by then though.

    There is nothing new under the sun. On Christianity in general, I truly cannot understand how anyone cannot understand that "sinning against god, so god has to sacrifice 'his only begotten son' to repay the debt uhh, to god" doesn't make any sense at all, is pretty much the stupidest transparent doublespeak I can imagine.

    My fundamental theorum on truth is that when i know the meaning of all things...... It is unlikely that I will think it is retarded, if god exists and punishes me for missing on this point so be it!!!

    ..... so then I'll go to hell!!! - Huckleberry Finn on deciding to break the law and help Jim escape his captors.

  • doofdaddy

    For me, it was the search for truth. When articles came out that contravened previous thought, I would research to see why. An article came out years ago that said there is refining of thought but there are basic truths that are set in stone. The article rattled off about 5 points, one being the (literal) generation will by no means pass away that saw 1914. It was a cornerstone of the preaching work through the 70's and 80's. Articles were thin on the ground though through this period, then silence until 1995.

    The bomb shell was dropped. I spoke to two elders about the change and they told me there was no change, so I better watch my attitude.....When they left, I reseached the wt CD's and it all came clear. Literally a veil came off my eyes and I have never been to a kh since.

  • yourmomma

    i guess its when i started to notice over the past 5-7 years that "obedience to the faithful slave" has been featured at the conventions and assemblies. what really struck me was about a year or 2 ago when during the talk called something like "follow the slave wherever they go" the guy giving the talk said this "Why should we trust the faithful slave? because Jehovah and Jesus do." that really is probably what started it all. that comment was so anti Bible that it woke me up.

  • LayingLow

    Yeah, all those anti-biblical comments about "Following the slave" set triggers off in my head as well. It wasn't the first thing to get me thinking, but when I had hidden my doubts it would certainly bring them back to mind. I remember at times during the convention thinking to myself, wouldn't it be crazy if they just came out and said "This is all an experiment, we just made half this stuff up to see if you all would accept it without reservation. You should be ashamed of yourselves."

  • St-Jacques

    For starters: The Matrix. When I was about thirteen, I saw the movie and asked my dad, "How do we know we aren't living in The Matrix?" and his reply was "Because we have The Truth." Later, I argued with my mother that there was a chance, no matter how small, that we were wrong about the truth. Her reply was that there was absolutely no chance that we were wrong. None whatsoever. When pushed, she finally agreed that there was only a 0.01% chance that we were wrong.

    The other big one: In grade eleven, I read W.O. Mitchell's 'Who Has Seen the Wind.' It revealed to me the Problem of Evil and how the Christian God really is a logical impossibilty. Needless to say, that kinda clinched things.

  • Save My Soul
    Save My Soul

    While at Dodger Stadium, an evil apostate had a sign that said "1975......" and mentioned the 1968 magazine. Using the WT to prove the falsehood was unrefutable. This was prior to the generation change in 1995. That was the ultimate, Final Straw.

  • Samuel Thorsen
    Samuel Thorsen

    The circular reasoning and the bad, bad, bad quality of everything written from the WTS.

  • jwfacts

    I always wondered if it was the truth as a kid, and worried when witnessing that i may convert someone and make their life worse. What woke me up came in the following order. 1 - finding out about people being made elders or ms that were practicing adulterers and homosexuals 2 - the 1995 change in the generation, obviously the GB did not have faith the end was soon to occur 3 - researching earthquakes and finding the Watchtower lies about there being more since 1914

  • Mr. Majestic
    Mr. Majestic

    This has been so interesting to read. But at the end of the day we all know that we left because none of us want to do the ministry…….. (Kidding)

    My problems started before I came back. I looked into their interpretation of Daniel, particularly the 1290 days and the 1335 days. Cedar point Ohio……? Mmmm….?? The Generation was hot on my mind as well, just prior to the 1995 change. But I think that it was the lack of love that I saw, the way that people were cast aside just because they were having difficulties.

    The Proclaimers book got me angry as well, the way that it blamed away 1975 as "sifting", and then condemned the people that left at the time when the society got the prophesy wrong. But the nail in the coffin was when my dad (hadn’t been a JW for years at this time) gave me "the harp of god". He found it at an old second hand book store, and thought that I might like to read it. Read it and found out that there had been many "truth’s" before the ones that I now had and that they had the same conviction as the existing ones did. So I started to look into how they changed from one belief to another. And that was it. Totally exposed as false prophets.

  • doofdaddy

    Reading all these comments made me feel, not justification for my doubts but deep sadness. Sadness for all these honest people who were searching, whether raised as witnesses, or converted, for truth. Good people wanting to find ultimate truth. You are all OK, in fact you are the people I could live with in a new system, not the selfish card board cutouts who are too scared to admit they are on the wrong journey and don't have the balls to leave.

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