Pour moi, there were a plethora of things that should have raised the red flags, (but not the ones with the hammer and sickle) I could regale you fine folk all day with things that, in any normal person, would have given him the chutzpah to pack up and get outa' Dodge. However, that being said, most of my doubts came from science; specifically, from biology. First, there was the question of the dinosaurs, (savage little buggers, but their pelts are worth a fortune) and how, if, in Mr. J's grand ol' scheme of things, all animals are supposed to be at peace etc., could we explain the primal savagery of all creatures great and prehistoric? Second, how could the Dark-tower explain all those myriad little things (viz. viruses, parasites, flesh-eating samurai pizza cats etc.) that have obviously existed for a while and are the quotidian bane of our existence? Finally, the folks up Brooklyn way have never really been able to do a good job discrediting radio-carbon dating. Anyway, that about sums it up. Cheers!
So what caused you to have doubts in the first place?
ya know, for me it was a very weird evolution...
we had a catastrophic crisis in our family and an inexorible fade began without intent.... one missed meeting blended into another in a relatively short period of time..... we had to focus every iota of energy and effort on recovering from a total implosion.....
i always thought i would go back.... i told any of the r&f who asked that i was coming back, i still loved jah and "where would i go?" ...... i had that lingering nagging niggling guilt on meeting days......
i never looked for a reason to leave, but i prayed, believing "vocatus atque non vocatus, deus aderit".( invoked or uninvoked, god is present).... i asked for a direction to go
by happenstance ( orrrrrr was it?) on a totally separate forum, i opened a link on a link that led to a link www.rickross.com and lo and behold this pagan was calling JWs a cult!!!
WTF? well one thing led to another and believe me i was ripe for the picking..... low hanging fruit, they call it..... i ended up here reading for one day..... and that was that
i have no doubts.... i have convictions, and i am thoroughly convinced that the b0rg is a cult that uses mind control and brutalizes its unwitting membership
My Moniker should be a good intro.
I have seen so much hypocrisy, hate and double standards, all against my idea of how a group who "Follows the bible all the way", and is God's mouthpice needs to act.
The "deeper things" ,,,,they sounded like they were toooo farfetched. And then there were goofy things like baby's not getting resurrections if they didn't breathe the breath of life. I thought things being demonized smacked of superstition. I didn't like the idea of so many billions dying at Arme. Then next, I hated the lack of love.
They say don't let your right hand know what your left hand is doing.....
I noticed the left hand had an completely different agenda counter to what is printed or preached.
In retrospect there were many things that disturbed me, but like someone else said you just kinda take it all in and move along with the routine of it all. But then one day my husband said to me he had real doubts I of course freaked out more inside but told him He was not going to make me leave it was his deal.
So that being said of course he sent me some links to various websites dealing with his concerns and I woudn't read them. I would see the titles and it would register in my brain but I didn't have the guts or heart to go deeper until one day I just started to look for myself and lo and behold I was floored. Everything I had put stock in, my whole adult life ,my childrens, everything came crashing in.
I started to reserach the concept of a faithful and discreet slave class as the Watchtower saw it and the fact that before Russell there was no one class of people to pass on the food at the proper time. That he as an individual came to his own conclusions with the help of an Adventist and then just branched off and started his own group was surreal to me. Because here was my husband a good man truly just wanting the truth, was being condmenned, bullied, slandered told that his independent thinking was not acceptable and that he would have to wait on Jehovah and be quite or else he was to be disfellowshipped! There was no nice way to leave or even to discuss with openess his true concerns and his concience as active Witness. Of course the problem wasn't with Jehovah it was that he had to wait for men in brooklyn to decide if policy should change!
It all overwhlemed me so much I was tortured in staying and also in leaving it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But I knew at that point that it was not the truth as I had been led to believe for 20 years. It was a strange day I remember feeling almost relieved when I decided not to go back but then waves of anxiety came over me because my daughter was a pioneer at the time living in our home and my oldest son just had a baby and I knew it would mix things up terribly. But I had to be true to myself even if I did not officially leave because of wanting a relationship with my children and brother. It is a long story and maybe one day I can share it more fully; it did not turn out as planned but I'm still happier I left.
Knowledge is a powerful thing and now I realise that fear of knowledge is also a powerful thing. I don't ever want to close my eyes to doubts or concerns or people or situations that might be different than mine. I was self righteous to think I had the only truth. The quest of "truth" for "truth" really isn't that important to me in terms of religious truth I just think it doesn't exisit. It is more important to me to be descent human being without all the labels and judgement. Life is too short............
the way I was df'd was so cold hearted. The elders never once mentioned Jesus or his sacrafice. If I have sinned and the purpose for Jesus dying was to cover my sins. Why did they leave that out. No one told me to pray, No one told me to ask for forgiveness, no one prayed with me or for me.
I know that my lord and savior would never had treated me that way. I know that for a fact. I know that God was not in that room. they knew they were wrong because they asked me if I thought I was treated fairly. If you are directed by holy spirit. (Because this is my LIFE that they were dealing with) Why would they ask a question like that? I tried going to a different congregation but when i informed those elders that I had moved and I was going to the KH on a regular basis, they told me it didnt matter where I was going... the decision will always be theirs if I wanted to get reinstated. It's all about control
Being raised in, there were always things you knew weren't right. But the 1995 generation change sent the antennae up. Right after that I started reading WT quoted verses in context at the meeting...where I (ME of all people!!!!) could see some were blatantly misapplied. I have to say I was reading one of those during a meeting and my heart sunk. No special knowledge there...it was just plain wrong. I felt sick.
That was the start of being very aware of everything they said.
Edited to add: Right after that was the blood policy/self DA'g change and fractions change. That was significant to me also...just became hyper-aware.
The annual Black Sabbath where no one in my kingdom hall partook got me wondering why Jesus bothered to say:
“ I assure you : Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you do not have life in yourselves. Anyone who eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day, because My flesh is real food and My blood is real drink. The one who eats My flesh and drinks My blood lives in Me, and I in him. Just as the living Father sent Me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on Me will live because of Me. This is the bread that came down from heaven; it is not like the mannayour fathers ate — and they died. The one who eats this bread will live forever.”
I guess I never really had any doubts because I never really believed any of it. I was was brought up in it and never thought anything about anything they said I'm a born skeptic so I guess that helped.