There were things that made me think way back in my childhood, but I didn't have the guts to do enough about them. Got close once - I decided to go to the library to get a book on bible prophecy but the one I could find by searching on the computer was out on loan and I didn't go back to get it.
Coasted along into adulthood feeling happy to be part of the social group but not experiencing the apparent enthusiasm that others did. Never did much in the ministry. Gave in and got baptised as I was fed up with worrying about it.
It wasn't until something happened in my life that made me consider how I would choose to verify my supposed beliefs and course of action that all the doubts became pertinent again. I just knew I wanted to do what was right.
So I decided I'd have to research and sort myself out for good, one way or the other. I had lots of things I wanted to study, but ended up spending the most time on investiaging the modern scholastic view of the bible, particularly apocalyptica. Needless to say, the belief system completely fell apart.
I plan to write and post the story in more detail one day.
...I shit you not, Jehovah answered my prayer, when I woke up the next morning I didn't "believe" anything...Every day since has been a naked journey, looking at what generations of people have thought before me, trying to draw my own conclusions/decisions, and being absolutely sure I know nothing and this life is more extraordinary, strange, terrible and wonderful than I think most people understand. We were impossible, everything we have thought about what we are is probably bullshit, and here we are, what are we? "Spiritual enlightenment" and peace have come from completely losing my faith in god. Its not a sad thing somehow, its liberating...
Thanks for the interesting post Bring_the_Light. I agree that admitting we don't know shit is liberating. We shouldn't have to know - we're human.