Will Remarrying Lead to DFing?

by compound complex 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    The WTB&TS states in this or that circumstance* the offended JW may separate or divorce but NEVER remarry. Neither can the discarded mate remarry.

    What could the local congregation do if they learned that either one of the above (faded, ex, whatever) remarries?

    *one's physical or spiritual life (usually that of the wife) is endangered; one (always the husband) refuses to provide for one's family, ...



  • OnTheWayOut

    They usually withhold all privileges except toilet cleaning from such a person.
    If they have privileges, they get removed.

    A tough Body of Elders can often consider having a Judicial Committee for
    Adultery. I think that would depend on whether they agreed that the person
    should leave their mate or not.

    They could have the JC just to make the decision to take all privileges seem
    legitimate. They can find the person "repentant" meaning they are sorry they
    didn't obey the elders/WTS and cannot get unmarried now because that would
    make matters worse. This would allow the elders to get them to go along with
    any discipline, and keep the member under their thumbs, but still allow the
    member to regain some dignity in the cong.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Thanks, OTWO:

    Your comments are very enlightening ... I had no idea what the elders might do, hence my question.



  • OnTheWayOut

    Of course, having the JC means that the member has to bend over for the elders.
    Any hesitation to say "Yes masters" will be met by a DF for adultery.
    They will say the member refused to listen to counsel and they hope the shunning
    puts them back in line, or else GOOD RIDDANCE.

  • Open mind
    Open mind
    What could the local congregation do if they learned that either one of the above (faded, ex, whatever) remarries?

    "Faded" is the key here. If two JWs separate for anything other than adultery, they are not free to remarry. Ever. Unless one of them commits adultery. Then the one who committed adultery is subject to judicial action (may or may not be DFed depending on how good his story is) and the "innocent" mate is free to remarry. The only way around this is if one or both of the JWs become inactive. If a person no longer is known as a JW, let's say he hasn't gone to a meeting in 5 years, doesn't attend Memorials, etc. then the elders CAN look the other way when he starts doing something otherwise worthy of a Judicial Committee.

    Real world factors they would consider, IMO:

    1. How "high up" in the WT was the person? The higher up, the longer it takes before they'll look the other way.

    2. How much "notoriety" surrounds the person? Did they just fade into the woodwork or was it more "scandalous" in the eyes of local JWs?

    3. Does anybody on the BOE want revenge on this person.

    Whether or not someone is "still known as a JW" is a highly subjective judgement call in many cases.

    I would say 3 years minimum and 5 years is more typical to pass under the radar. But that's no guarantee.

    Bottom line: If they REALLY want to DF someone, they will.


  • Honesty

    I know a couple who served at NY Bethel.

    Years after they left Bethel the pioneer sister tricked her elder husband and 15 year-old son into going to the DC in Johnson City ahead of her in another vehicle.

    She made a wrong turn and ended up in South Florida with all of her clothes and personal items in her vehicle.

    4 months later they were divorced.

    2 months after that she remarried a man who was newly baptised.

    She had to quit pioneering.

    No reproof, No DF'ing from her new congregation.

    The local BOE had a fit but since she was almost 1,000 miles away it didn't do them any good.

    The entire debacle played out like a soap opera just like similar ocurrences throughout Jehovah's visible organization.

  • crazyblondeb

    My stepdad remarried the 3rd time KNOWING he'd be df'd. He was, and was eventually reinstated.

    Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!

  • Open mind
    Open mind


    I'm not saying your story DIDN'T happen, since I don't even know you. Matter of fact I thought the mental image of the lady's clever freeway escape was pretty damn funny.


    According to WT rules it SHOULDN'T have happened.

    Here's a few possibilities that are sloshing around in my gray matter:

    1. She didn't make her new BOE fully aware of her situation.

    2. Maybe you don't have the full story.

    For instance, how do you KNOW there was "no reproof"? Were you on the new BOE? She may have TOLD you that she wasn't reproved, but it doesn't mean she wasn't. In fact losing her pioneer badge makes me wonder if that was what happened. A person can receive private reproof for adultery. This is one of the most common sources of "The Elders Screwed Up" stories there is. People assume "nothing was done" when it was. And the elders aren't allowed to "set the record straight" without breaching the privacy of the private reproof. Don't get me wrong, Elders screw up plenty. Just not always. Which leads me to #3.

    3. Her new BOE screwed up.


  • jaguarbass

    If you want to remain a JW for whatever reason do whatever you want, remary, suffer the consequence disfellowshiping. Sit in the back of the hall for 3 to 6 months get reinstated, everyone will be estatic and happy, and your good to go.

    You belong to a ritualistic religion and disfellowshiping is one of their rituals.

  • JK666

    Trust me,

    They will disfellowship if you remarry. But if you succumb to weakness, they will cut you some slack. It is just that marriage is premeditated, and they view that as a willful act. But if you do the nasty without being married, you are okay.

    Makes absolutely no sense, except to a JW committee, and to the crusty old codgers in Brooklyn.


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