Sex and JWs I want to know what you think "he played the God Card"

by jonie 44 Replies latest social relationships

  • jonie

    I was a JW but left about 8 years ago, my Husband wanted to go back so we have tried, I did not do so good. Being gone so long just helped me realize this is totally false, I look at the JWs as lambs being lead to their deaths.

    Fast forward to now, we are both in our 40s and I have had medical side effects from using birth control and other meds as birth control. My body can not take anymore, I have suffered breast cyst and uterus cyst, so I asked my Husband who has an issue with using condoms because he does not reach a climax, and has to masturbate, to use something that would offer us a permanent result such as him getting a vasectomy.

    His reaction is like why I feel even more strongly that JWs are wrong. He believes even though many Brother's in Bethel do it and many continue to do it. The Elders told him it is a personal choice and he needs to make it. He believes it will make him Gay, because he would be changing a body part. He told me after we have been living with out sex for some 3 years now that he will never do anything to change what God Jehovah gave him to be with me but I could do what ever I wanted to my body for him.

    I just wanted safe sex, I wanted to be with a person that I am not planning on cheating on, I am not going to run out and find someone else so why must we have to use birth control. I just wanted some good sex is that so wrong?

    I am so sick of him and his lies to the point that I have left him several times, but we agreed to work it out for the sake of our children. I moved back into our bed room and he took it as the green light, so we did it we had sex and I was the one who was ass out because he agreed if I become pregnant that I could get rid of it, until the test came back positive.

    Needless to say I felt like he was trapping me yet again, claiming he made a mistake. I have since realized it is over and I am making my plans to leave and just live in different States. I know my Husband has menially issues, but I am just getting tired of having to live with a man sleep with a man that I can not touch. I want to know what other men think about this issue?

    Why would a God want a many to masturbate himself rather then be with the Wife he claims to love. Why would any person believe in such sickness?

  • MeneMene
    use something that would offer us a permanent result such as him getting a vasectomy.

    It sounds like the easiest solution is for you to have your tubes tied. It is a very simple outpatient procedure.

    When I had it done 30 years ago it took a couple days to recoup. You just need someone to drive you home afterward. It was also rather inexpensive and was done at a clinic. Check with you insurance company - they may even pay for it.

  • potentialJWconvertswife

    Jonie- first, welcome to the board, you'll find answers here.

    Second, am I misunderstanding, or are you saying you are currently pregnant, or that you were recently??? What Mene said- get the tubes tied. I did a few years back when my hubby was like "no one's touching my stuff!" He was surprised when I told him shortly thereafter that I was getting the procedure, but I was tired of the Russian roulette! It was easy, outpatient only took a few hours start to leaving.

    It seems like you need to decide if you really want to be with this man- for the kids is not good enough. It isn't fair to you, or them. (looking back now, I see you say you're leaving). It seems like there are some deeply rooted problems there- I mean, I can understand not having "intercourse", but are you saying you've had no sexual relations at all for the last 3 years? There's other stuff you could have been doing outside of intercourse...if he prefers masturbation to you giving him a hand job or some other form of intimacy, that sends up a red flag.

    Let us know if and when you leave...

  • reniaa

    I agree with above that having your tubes tied would be easist solution for you. many men hate the idea of a vasectomy it scares them stiff :s excuse the pun.

  • real one
    real one

    the Bible states you both must give each other what you need. I dont really understand the extent of your problem but at least those tired brothers should at least agree that yall should be having sex. If you dont want anymore children and you hate hormones, understandable then get him to have a vasectomy. tell him to go to the dr and get the facts about this procedure not what he thinks

  • carla

    I believe at one time the wt taught that getting a vasectomy was considered a 'blemish' and that is why he refuses. Not sure on current wt thought about vasectomies. It would turn him gay?! what the hell?

  • babygirl75

    Your husband definetly has some issues if he prefers to masturbate verses having sex with his wife!!! I don't know of any man that would choose masturbation over sex!!

    He needs to stop being so selfish and get a Vasectomy. It sounds like you have been through enough with your health. It's his turn to do something for the sake of your marriage! The procedure is simple and only takes about 30 minutes. My husband had one a couple years back and within a few hours he was fine! Lay the law down with him. If he is wanting the marriage to work, he needs to put forth an effort and not just let you have the burden of holding your family together.

    Hope it all works out for you!

  • mrsjones5

    I agree with the "tube tied" opinion. I got pregnant at 37 with an IUD that I had inserted when I was 35. Fortunately the IUD did not affect my baby but I was hoping that the device would carry me into my 40's and then I wouldn't have to worry about having anymore kids. Since that failed after I had my last baby six weeks later I got my tubes tied. My husband felt that we should have discussed it but since he refused to get a vasectomy I felt there was nothing to discuss. I was done, I have four kids and I didn't want anymore. I told him if he really wanted another it was gonna have to come from someone else's womb...mine is closed for business.

    So shut down the hubby, take care of the problem and get your tubes tied. Problem solved.


    P.S. There's nothing wrong with masturbation, but it is unfortunate that your husband is making you feel unwanted by doing it instead of loving you.

  • avishai

    Whoa, hang on just a sec, ladies. Sounds like there's a few more problems here than just BC. This lady has already gone thru hell because of her birth control, and he's too lazy to wear a condom? And you think SHE should get a far more invasive expensive procedure than he would have too, just because "jehovah" wants him to stay "whole"? Bet his tune would change if he needed a tonsilectomy.

    Ma'am, I'd suggest counseling, except for the fact that dub's don't believe in "worldly" counseling. Your husband sounds like an ass.

  • Seeker4

    If your husband says he won't wear a condom because he can't have an orgasm, and that he thinks having a vasectomy will make him gay - well, your husband has a LOT of serious problems!!

    I doesn't sound like he's the type you can do much reasoning with, or that he does much reasoning at all. Get your tubes tied to protect yourself and maybe getting away from this guy might also be a real good thing! He doesn't sound like much of a prize.


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