I do recognise 'my people picker' is very damaged as someone called it, my therapist said I am drawn to those that don't want me subconscously,
Your therapist is a smart person. You realize the Jehovah's Witnesses don't really want you either? Not unless they can count you as a bible study. The "welcome" is not quite as warm if you admit you are a returnee. They can't count the time. Why would you pick those who are aloof? Perhaps to prove by your extreme effort that you are worthy? Perhaps to prove to that first person who rejected you that you are worthy? The JW's are set up with a proven formula of acceptance. Do all that they ask and you will eventually be accepted. My husband reinstated for very similar motives. It took him six years. I won't go in to detail on the many sacrifices he made along the way to earn that (temporary) acceptance.
Here are my individual responses to some of your reasons.
1/ I've found great people and great churches out here in the "world". I wonder what is holding you back from discovering them? I've met nasty people, too. I avoid them. There are nice people in the Witnesses too. I just won't be bound to the strictures they have voluntarily put on themselves. The worst is the endless meetings and study. For what? In my own church I was encouraged to pick a ministry that suited my talents, and my commitment is just once a week. I am very fulfilled working with the little ones.
2/ There's a fella in my hubby's congregation who is probably right up your alley. He left his common-law partner and her child in order to complete his studies with the Witnesses. He is very lonely, and the local single Witness ladies are not interested in him. He is quite at a loss how to start a relationship.
3/ There are silly in-laws everywhere.
4/ This has been covered already. Are they honest friendships if they did not extend past your attendance at the meetings? I'm not a drinker and I have lots of friends. I'm wondering where you are going to pick them.
5/ Your current boyfriend is a hypocrite and to answer him ask him how he is going to answer on judgement day for his actions?
6/Well, you are not an athiest then.
So here I am feeling like the prodigal daughter and thinking being among warm-hearted if strict people who will accept me back and give me a sense of community again that I haven't seen in any other christian faith for all I've looked..
I think you are riding on some selected memories. It might help if you do try and go back, with eyes wide open, to see that the Witnesses are as flawed as everyone else.
I guess you could say I miss God.
...and you keep trying to find Him in people. Why not try and center yourself a bit, going on a personal quest of discovery?
http://www.interviewwithgod.com/psalm23.htm
Questions I have asked myself recently are...if there is a God which faith would he be using?
Why not all of them? Perhaps each of us is a poor reflection, another angle, of the purer whole.
Would my children be more protected by being in a faith?
Well, my daughter and I are firm believers in this. I continue as a sunday school teacher today because of that belief. I don't think it protects you from all trouble. Both my son and my daughter have made mistakes and faced hard choices. I think the difference is their reaction to adversity. They humbly accept their part. Then, knowing that absolutely nothing could separate them from God's or their mother's love, they pick themselves up and learn from their mistakes.
(this is a real thought although I think I'd have to see figures of whether being in a faith makes much difference that way)
http://www.barna.org/FlexPage.aspx?Page=BarnaUpdate&BarnaUpdateID=183
always in the back of my mind is that one thought! you will also know maybe as ex-JW's is... why are they the only christian faith to use his name, no one has ever been able to answer that question for me
Well, what has always bothered me is if the Witnesses are to proclaim YHWH's name, the only respectful thing to do is to pronounce it right! "jehovah" is a seventeenth century invention. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jehovah
It seems you have not been exposed to the same religions as I have, or to the same degree. We do use Jehovah's name on occasion in our worship, it is certainly not banned.
I've always thought that when God asked that we do honorable things in his name, or his name be justified, is that He meant that we are to honor him. Names were significant in the Jewish tradition. A man who could carry his name through his sons in a sense carried on his "name" or his influence beyond his own life. One could honor or dishonor his name by your own acts. In the same way, I believe we honor God's "name" by what we do, not by rote repetition.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Life
http://www.jewfaq.org/jnames.htm
I hope I have not come across as harsh or judgemental. I am interested in the results of your quest. I would hope to save you from pain by trying to find comfort through the Watchtower organization again.
