Wilma & Willy Watchtower, the continuing parody (please add to it if you li

Cheetos

(Narrator: Wilma and Willy are out in the field service four days before Christmas)

Willy says: Well," because of all these Christmas lights on these houses if Armageddon came now it would be easy for Gods destroyers to find the unworthy ones who will be eaten at the great evening meal of God. Wilma says: Oh", yes Willy and just think of all the nice houses we can choose from to inhabit once those who opposes the society are killed off, just thinking about the possibility of having my pick of all these nice homes makes me more anxious for the battle to come.

Willy says: Now Wilma now you know we will have to wait upon the society to give us available light upon such matters, but then again our old RV has been way too small for us and the kids, so, yes keep an eye out for a house. Wilma says: oh I am so stumbled by the way sister Beclean wears that sweater her unbelieving son gave her for Christmas, you know the one that has a snow man on it, what will the children in the hall think when they see her wearing it, and on her curio cabinet she has an old Christmas globe that shows children sledding down a hill. Willy says: I know, can't they heed the societies admonition to be with out spot from the world.

Willy says: Wilma we are almost at our bible study's house, I will park here for a moment to offer a prayer for gods blessing on our field service activities.

OnTheWayOut

Willy starts his prayer: "Thank you Jehovah, that we know the truth about Christmas. We
know that nobody knows the date of Jesus' birth. We know that giving presents to people
we love and care for on the same day that they want to give us presents is just evil. We
know that every single problem and doubt from our weaker brothers and sisters comes from
Satan and his world of distractions. Like the other day, when I saw the pretty white lights
strung in the bare trees around the shopping center, I was caught up in the "spirit" of the
moment and a Christmas jingle came on the radio, and I didn't change the station right
away- it was just evil, evil, evil. "

"Please God, help our Bible study to accept that only the Watchtower Organization has the
truth, and help him to see the benefits of making his children stop dreaming of college or
sports in the future. Help him to see that the best thing anyone can do is pioneer and
place WT literature. "

"Now, Jehovah, we ask that your spirit guide us safely to their home, and that we only offer
encouraging words in harmony with your spirit-directed, but not perfect and certainly not
prophetic, organization. We come to you through Jesus, also asking that the entire field
service group makes it safely to the coffee shop today before 10:45. Amen."

Frequent_Fader_Miles

Wilma and Willy arrive to the householder's house, and are greeted by a life-sized Santa Clause decorating the front yard. On the rooftop stood illuminated reindeer pulling Santa's sleigh. The front door was locked.

FadingAway

And again Willy prays:

Willy bows his head and says: "Heavenly Father Jehovah, we thank you for this day of life and the opportunity you have given us to be messengers of your word. Though it is minus 20 degrees out here and Wilma has lost feeling in her legs because of her modest skirt and stockings, we are warmed by your spirit as we carry on this educational work that will only be carried out once throughout the inhabited earth.

We pray that the Dunkin Donuts and coffee we just had will nourish our physical bodies and help impart the truth aright. We think how the entire inhabited earth is enshrouded in darkness and how we appreciate that you are using us a light bearers. And Father, more importantly we are grateful for the spiritual food that the Faithful and Discreet slave has given us through your orginization. We also pray that our bible study will open their hearts and ears and take in this life saving knowledge. We also ask that you continue to help them over the temptations of being male devil worshipping lesbian Red Cross Blood Donation Center workers.

We know the Devil is always ready to ensnare us and take us away from you. He does this through many means such as the internet, the media and NBC. Please protect us from his machinations so that you may be able to provide an answer to him.

Please forgive of of our sins and we say this prayer to the perfect gift you have given us, our leader and examplar Christ Jesus. Amen"

Cheetos

Wilma says: Willy why did you not come home for lunch dear during work yesterday?

Willy says oh well um dear, well the boss had some food laid out a table and they just insisted that I stay and have some chips and catered sandwiches and tidbit's with them they looked so good so I just a little bit.

Wilma says just as she is getting out the car to the a return visit, I should have guessed! last year you even had some of their so called Christmas cheer and the kids smelled booze on your breath!!!! You know Willy I want to go home now, you just ruined all desire I had for spiritual activity today by you telling me this, your just like your father!!!

OnTheWayOut

Willy: What about the bible study? We should really show up.

Wilma: You just love looking at that teenage daughter of theirs in
her cheerleader outfit, don't ya. That's probably the only reason we
haven't cut them off from the study. Look at how they celebrate the
holiday, when we clearly spent about 50 minutes after the study telling
them how Jehovah feels about Christmas, proving it from the WT magazine.

Willy: Look, I can't help it if their daughter wants to show off her award winning
cheers. I talked to them about it, and they promised she won't be doing that
anymore. We gotta show up. Maybe we can talk them into taking decorations
down.

Cheetos

Wilma says: Well alright dear lets go but please Willy can we pray one more time it seems the devil is attacking us again he always does this at this time of year with us, he and his demons are so rampant blinding the minds of un-believers with things like family and giving gifts, the society is so right by protecting us from such pit falls as these.

And dear afterwards will you please take me out to lunch at the union station cafe I think we can resist looking at all those pretty lights that we will pass in municipal park, even more so after an encouraging day in field service, and please break off a chunk of the Christmas candy cane to freshen my breath before we go into their house and don't let them know its a Christmas candy cane.

OnTheWayOut

Willy: Alright, Dearest Jehovah, please deliver us from temptation. Forgive me for
partaking of ordinary food at a well-meaning office party that had Demonism at it's
roots. We look forward to you striking down all my coworkers and letting birds pick
at their eyeballs. Give us strength when our bible students ask how we like their
decorations. Please, put a sweater on their daughter today, but not so tight that
I can imagine anything. Give me strength to turn away from her sweet skinny
body so that I don't have to face another judicial committee. Help my wife to do
her wifely duty, so I can get sex off my mind. Help Wilma to refuse the egg nog
and refrain from too many valiums.

The group will miss us at the coffee shop if we stay, but guide us to stay if we can
reach our students with your precious Watchtower literature. The group will forgive us,
besides we never pick up the check- we are pioneers. Please, Jehovah, bring
Armageddon before we need to retire without preplanning. Bring it now during the
holiday season so the bastards know we were right and stop laughing at us.
We approach you through- not the little baby in a manger, but the king, and not
Elvis, but your son- Jesus, whom we learned so much about this past summer. Amen.

momzcrazy

Wilma and Willy gasp in horror of the Santa there to greet them. Their mouths are hanging open in shock when the study opens the door. The study spots the bit of candy cane in Wilma's mouth.

hamsterbait

Wilma: In line with Theocrappic teaching, let us pray that jehoobie will not let the study notice Romans 14 or Colossians 2 Where the Apostle called personally by Christ says "let no one judge you as regards a festival or a full moon." That anybody who celebrates it now celebrates to the Lord -oops sorry!! - Jehoobie, as inserted therein ( in the mundane sense of the word) by our all loving pedo protecting Gibbering Buddy."

Willy: Yes, Dear. Now that breeding by God's command to NOAH has been countermanded by the Gibbering Buddy, let us engage in sterile sex -fun where you are not my Baby-flowerpot, but a toy for my sexual gratification. And as I assume that the command to Noah is conteptible in the Gibbering Buddies eyes, let us indulge also in an aphrodisiac supper of BLACK PUDDING. We will eat it in the bedroom, drinking the wine we also now hide there so as not to stumble the brothers...

HB

Wilma & Willy Watchtower, the continuing parody (please add to it if you li

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