by shell69 73 Replies latest jw experiences
At a book study the people sitting across from me busted out in horrified laughter at the site of my straddle-legged pose, whilst I was obliviously reading the Truth book.
I was maybe 7 or 8 years old.
At some point in time, I had written my name, "JOY" in bright, blood-red, permanent magic marker into the crotch of my underwear.
Ok, growing up in the Southern part of the midwest, I've seen (and heard) alot of stupid and some funny things too.
1. "Sister Payne in the rear" - was actually my step grandpa, who recently passed away. No joke, he did it at a Sunday meeting, as he was the WT conductor for years. No one ever let him live it down.
2. Met a brother that was the spitting image of Fred Flinstone, even had the same laugh
3. "Young sister fat ass" - ok, so I was sitting towards the front of the hall for this one. This young chubby sister, 16 or so, gets her short skirt stuck on the chair, and as she sits down, the skirt goes up, exposing her polka dot panties, and cottage cheese thighs, I almost puked I was so repulsed. She kept trying to adjust her skirt for what seemed like 2 minutes, and then finally got on with her talk.
4. Evils of the internet KM part by 70 year old elder - there were so many hateful one liners in this one by he and the older folks, it was a fabulous performance by all involved.
5. Grandma farting in the hall - ok, first off grandma couldn't smell AT ALL, so therefore she had no idea about how bad things were. She had bad gas one day at the meeting, and started flying off the SBD's like crazy, leaning and everything!!! My family and I were in a FOG!!! All the while she is not so slyly letting loose, finally others started to notice. It was one of the worst and most hilarious experiences ever.
6. Me - I had to give a talk at about age 12, and read Proverbs 5:19, about a "a lovable hind and a charming mountian goat, let her breasts intoxicate you all your days" or something like that. I started laughing, and turned red. I did the same one time at about 13 when I had to read "ass" like 3 times in one bible reading.
7. Dad was carrying the mics, "felt a turtle head pokin out" and farted loudly as he was running to the men's room in the back of the haul, unfortunately, he still had the mic with him, as he farted, he turned it off after that one.
8. One older sister, got mixed up and lost her place on stage, and instead of trying to get it together, she just said "Oh Bummer!!!" and got off the stage, I cracked up!!!!
These are all totally true, and there are really many more, that I just can't think of at the moment.
One night at bookstudy (in the KH) the conductor had us all put our chairs in a circle so it would be a little more friendly. About half way through the meeting his daughter holds up the doll she's playing with, shush's it, turns it over in her lap and starts beating the daylights out of it. Her mother trys to stop her, the elder is turning red and the rest of us are trying hard not to laugh out loud.
Funniest thing EVER was a crazy ass lady who used to wonder in to our meeting walking up to an elder and doing a handstand...she was wearing no knickers!
Our hall used to be next to a hospital for the mentally ill, so you can imagine the type of people who used to wander in.
Bahahaha! Did we go to the same hall?? In my Hall growing up we had the same CB radio problem. Our CB guy was named, "Chickenwing" and he must have lived close by. It was like every freaking wed. night until we finally got a new sound system. Funniest thing I think I ever saw was when my brother was giving a talk. Me and my friend were both making faces and he was stoned faced. Well one of us did something inadvertently and he just started cracking up. HE went the rest of the way laughing. Needless to say he got the dreaded "W" on the talk. The brother said something like, "it's very disrespectful to laugh on stage".
The other thing also included my brother. We were at a after Sunday lunch with this old lady my parents gave rides to. She was talking to us when my brother starts throwing little splints of wood at her. Mean yes and extremely funny. We're sitting there trying so hard not to laugh and he just keeps throwing em. Finally she turns around and he says something like, "Oh Mrs. Old Sister your stories are so insightful" well she turns to us and there my brother is mouthing the words "psyyyyychhhhh" and throwing the wood chippings again. Me and my friends just broke down. Good times indeed!
Just before I went on stage to begin the Sunday meeting, a sisiter with mental problems started sceaming VERY loudly at another sister; "You're SATAN..SATAN...SATAAAN...you DEMON!!!!" Everyone froze like in the movies. I got on stage and started the meeting without saying a word, while 2 elders escorted her outside...she was banned from ever returning to our hall. Its funny, months later she would test the ban by turning up but 2 Elders would always jump her and ask her to leave.
2. Someone did the loudest fart i ever herd during the Watchtower. Know body knew who did it...until a Elders wife slapped him really hard on the back...I could see his red ears from my seat.
3. Older sister would go put on a headcovering when she was going to abuse or complaint to a brother...I don't think that was theocatic!
Oh, we had the Sister Payne and 3 Brother Payne's. The first time it was Sister Payne, In the rear. Second time, learning his lesson it was Sister Payne in the back.
The Org must give all its members some kind of problem with gas, as I know of several situations where people have farted at bookstudy, and in the hall. Never had that happen in my church, hummm must be a JW problem, all that Jehovigas
Funny thread! Brought back the memories! Some not so good though.
It was awful after the funny incident was over and you had to go back to the boring meeting.
Those meetings just beat the life out of me.
Anewme
For a Sunday talk we had an elder stand up...look around at the cong. and start his talk just like in Princess Bride. The funny part is he sounded and looked very much like the actor in the movie.
The congregation started laughing and the poor elder had no idea what people were laughing at.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=DF9O6fne6nE
"Mawage....a dweam within a dweam"...(lol)
