Love And Marriage Was The Watchtower’s Way An Advantage?

by The wanderer 44 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Gopher

  While in the JW organization, how often did we hear "marriage is a 3-fold cord"? Man, woman and Jehovah, right?

  The organization really is the third strand. I heard it said that if you chose a mate who loved "Jehovah" more than they loved you, your marriage would work out just fine. So that loyalty to their organization was supposed to be a factor in determining the suitability of a prospective mate.

  The husband should go on to become an elder and sacrifice hours and hours of precious time to their congregational duties, and this was a way of showing they loved "Jehovah" the most.

  If a mate didn't live up to "Jehovah's" standards, it is possible that one who loved "Jehovah" more than they loved their mate would report such transgressions to the organization for "correction".

  I don't see the 3-fold cord as described by the Watchtower literature as an advantage, unless both mates are most interesting in keeping a certain status within the organization. For those kind of people, perhaps it was an advantage.
• 

  jelcat8224

  I believe that because JW's don't really get into relationships before the one they end up marrying, they don't get to know what they want in a person and what they don't want. I knew of two people who were "dating" and when they broke it off, everyone judged them for it. You're supposed to marry the person you date!!! I think that's just silly, not to mention irresponsible!

  These JW's get married soooooooooo young!! It's crazy! One theory I heard is that since JW's don't agree with higher education that when these young people in the org. graduate high school, there is nothing left for them to do but to pioneer and get married!! They never have time to be themselves and just LIVE for a while! If you're out of school, not pioneering, and not married you're looked at like a freak!! I know I was! Everyone was always asking me when I was going to get married, or they were trying to console me for still being single ... like it was depressing o something!!!! UGH!!!

  While I personally don't believe in sex before marriage, I am VERY grateful that I have been able to date and have relationships with many different people so that I could find qualities that I liked or disliked! I am now with the man of my dreams!

  I have also since changed my mind about divorce! Someone once asked me, "wouldn't you rather know that your husband was still with you after 20 years because he WANTED to still be with you? Instead of him still being with you because he had no other way out since divorce is not allowed?" That made me think!

  As for dictating what happens between a husband and wife in the bedroom .... HELL NO!!!!!!

  I guess I am trying to say that I think I still carry with me some of the WT teachings on marrage, but MANY of them have gone out the window!
• 

  Numinous

  When I tried to break off the engagement I got "Let your yes mean yes, anything else is from Satan" or "Two are better than one" or 'if you were in Isreal and broke off an engagement, they would kill you. I tried desperately to get out of this engagement and nobody listened or helped me. I had to believe that one day 'Jehovah will bless me'...17 years later I got out of it. It was a life of no rewards. No time. No life. I once asked another elder's wife out in service if there were no consequences for divorce in the organization, what percentage would do it. Without hesitation, she said 50 percent. When I was in that horrible situation, the worst part was thinking that I was all alone. I got married 6 months after I got baptised. I think this is a tactic to keep you in and, if you have children, add to the numbers.
• 

  nvrgnbk

  I believe that the WT prevents folks from maturing as a couple as they are stifled individually - thus festering marriage problems for some.

  Ditto there Unconfused. Hence, our current difficulties.

  The WT doesn't care about or even grasp the concepts of true romantic love or mutually-satisfying marriage. All they care about is keeping members. Have I mentioned lately how much this pompous organization disgusts me?

  Nvr
• 

  jaguarbass

  The bible says a 2 string chord is stronger than a one string chord. I dont necessarily believe in the bible, but, that one sounds pretty good. In my life the Watchtowers way has worked for me so far. So far I havent died of aids or had venereal disease. And since I didnt get a college education 2 incomes are better than one.

  Maybe we should ask Hugh Hefner what he thinks.
• 

  skycaptain

  I did it the WT way straight down the line , married as a virgin, to a sister who had come from a broken JWs marriage ,what a big mastake,

  So much is put on the word love in the JWs org , we are only human and love does not cover a multitude of sins, when the honey moon period was over in my marriage the true colors of my EXs wifes came out we should of parted but remained together for 15 years.

  At the KH we were very good actors , a good example to other witnesses , it was just a verneer,,

  SO everybody out there please o please do not do it the WATCHTOWERS WAY.
• 

  sass_my_frass

  JW's don't have monopoly on Love and Marriage; plenty of people out there believe in loyalty who aren't JWs. You might just believe what you do because it feels right to you, not just because it's what you were taught as a JW.
• 

  NowFree2BMe

  Thanks ANewMe : ) When I signed up, I picked Free2BMe but that was taken so I'm "NowFree2BMe"..........like"Now free to move about the country." : ) (“Which can say more than this rich praise-that you alone are you.” ~William Shakespeare)
• 

  done4good

  While I believe marriage is generally a good thing, the WT's mitigation and legislation of dating and marriage seems to cause more problems than it solves. I can speak from experience in this department, (as many here also can). Nothing comes naturally in a jw marriage. I know of too many witness couples who are just plain unhappy. The ones that end up in divorce are usually the lucky ones. I say this because the lessons learned here often force one to critically and honestly look at the organization. Many leave the borg along with their marriage, (as I did).

  j
• 

  done4good

  I think in a perfect world monogamous relationships are high up there on my list of ideals.

  Unfortunately, in Watchtower World the strict enforcement of chastity prior to marriage sets people up for disappointment and frustration. I would have preferred the option to experiment sexually before making a lifelong commitment to someone. That way I would know what I could reasonably expect in the context of marriage.

  The other thing that happens is that JW people "in lust" feel pressured to get married to avoid the sin of fornication - and sometimes make very poor choices in whom they marry, often before they know the person well enough to determine whether they are going to be in an abusive relationship. I feel that it would be better to allow them to be sexually active in the context of a long term relationship rather than force a commitment between two people who are not suited for each other.

  Right on, Scully!

  j