Love And Marriage Was The Watchtower’s Way An Advantage?

by The wanderer 44 Replies latest jw friends

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  The wanderer

  Love And Marriage Was The Watchtower’s Way An Advantage?

  The thought of one man and woman bonded through matrimony was always appealing
  to me. The Society used to stress chaperons, however, I think in today’s day and age
  that is not practical.
  
  However, did the Society’s way prove helpful in certain respects?

  Comparing the two

  “ Playing the field” maybe popular, but I did like the Watchtower’s view on love and marriage.
  However, when it came to what a husband and wife did behind a closed door, that is their
  business and where I draw the line.
  
  The loyalty, between husband and wife I think is the superior way to go. However, I maybe
  biased because I am old-fashioned in this regard.
  
  What are your thoughts?

  Respectfully,

  The Wanderer
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  UnConfused

  I believe that the WT prevents folks from maturing as a couple as they are stifled individually - thus festering marriage problems for some.

  (by the way Wanderer - what are you looking at in your avatar?)
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  The wanderer

  Dear Unconfused: Thanks for the reply. I was
  instructed by the photographer to look away
  from the camera.
  
  It gives the sense of the future and positive
  direction.
  
  Respectfully,
  
  The Wanderer
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  Faded-out

  I used to think that it was an advantage, but after 2 failed marriges in an 11 year span, I no longer do. I have decided to do things my way and am happier for it. Faded
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  Tuesday

  I don't necessarily believe in playing the field, but I think people can have relationships with others before getting married. I had no idea what I was in for when I moved in with my wife, but after a year of living together we were ready to get married because we realized we were compatible. I can't imagine going into that blind and then realizing that we couldn't live together. While I don't believe in sex for the sake of having sex, I do believe in sex before marriage because that's another thing you have to be compatable with, and not everyone is compatible with everyone else.
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  aniron

  What was the Watchtowers way of Love and Marriage?

  I know of to many JW marriages that are just show. The husband and wife are all lovey to each other at meetings. But at home they hardly talk to each other. Or the husband is abusive to the wife, physically and/or verbally. Many wives on Prozac/Valium because of the humdrum life they lead.

  I've seen many a JW marriage break up after a few years, especially among young ones. Why? The main reason I've heard people give is that as soon as a young man and woman meet they are pressured to marry. It was always that if a couple "dated" in was "with a view to marriage".

  Men and woman never really got the chance to get to know more than maybe a couple of others. If a JW brother or sister was known to be seeing a few in the congregation. They were taken aside and had a word with by Elders.

  Many therefore ended up marrying a person they didn't really want to. I've known familys plan who their son or daughter WILL marry.

  Watchtower way of marriage ..yes......but leave the love out of it.
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  juni

  Good morning theWanderer.

  In my opinion I don't feel the WTB&TS had anything to do w/a successful marriage. If anything its time/organizational demands placed stress on a marriage. Also, for those men who are domineering they felt they had died and gone to heaven because of the "over the top" expounded headship arrangement - I speak from experience.

  I have been told that there are many more divorces now than ever in the congregations and I know that when I was in there were quite a few couples who flirted w/the other's mate and also many hypcritical husbands and wives who were one way at the Hall and tyrants at home.

  I feel if a couple includes in their relationship the basic principles in the Bible dealing w/treatment of others and specifically w/husband/wife as a foundation they will have an advantage towards a successful marriage.

  Juni
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  Fe2O3Girl

  The Watchtower's view of marriage was that you would be better off being single but if you want sex you have to get married. The most important thing in a person's life is not their spouse but the Watchtower. Women are essentially the possession of their husband, and have to sacrifice all their needs and wants to his preferences.

  It isn't about love, let alone romance or passion. It doesn't make happy marriages.
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  The wanderer

  Excellent perspective on the matter. I almost forgot that.
  
  "I've seen many a JW marriage break up after a few years, especially among young ones. Why? The main reason I've heard people give is that as soon as a young man and woman meet they are pressured to marry. It was always that if a couple "dated" in was "with a view to marriage".-aniron
  
  I like how you think Juni
  
  "I feel if a couple includes in their relationship the basic principles in the Bible dealing w/treatment of others and specifically w/husband/wife as a foundation they will have an advantage towards a successful marriage."-Juni
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  Junction-Guy

  Fe203girl hit the nail on the head, they would prefer you not marry and would only change this view if they thoght it would bolster their numbers.
  
  
  Many churches advocate fidelity in marriages, the difference is they dont try to police you, and they dont make up unrealistic,unbiblical rules to force their members to comply.
  
  
  The WT Society has destroyed more marriages than it has helped.