Should I wait to be questioned by the elders? or take my leave in advance?

by Thinking of Leaving 62 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Thinking of Leaving
    Thinking of Leaving

    Hi Everyone, I recently joined this forum as I'm close to being DF. I am suppose to meet with a Judical Committee soon but was thinking that I don't want to go through those personal questions that I'm sure the elders would ask.

    Does anyone know, is it better to just tell the elders before, say like on the phone, that I want to be DF and not go through the committee? or should I put myself through that ordeal and let them decide to DF me?

    Confused:( does anyone have experience with this? please advise


  • Honesty

    Why even bother going when you already know the 3 Pharisees are going to exact "Jehovah's vengeance" on you no matter what?

    Even if you tell them that you are severing all ties with the Watchtower Society the announcement is still the same now:

    "xxxxx is no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses."

    This serves their purposes not yours.

    If you want to make an impact just send a letter to all your JW friends and relatives before the announcement is made.

  • Abandoned

    Well, the only authority the elders have is that which you give them. Why tell them anything? Do you owe them something? You can meet with them if you want to, but would you schedule an appointment with your rapist or with the person who is going to rob you at gunpoint? If not, then why would you make a meeting with the person who is going to spiritually manipulate you?

    If you have family in, then maybe you need to be more cautious and at least appear to be playing by their rules. Otherwise, what right do they have to tell you that you are good or bad?

  • willyloman

    There are several options for a witness in your circumstances: Go the to hearing and let them DF you. Or call them up and tell then you do not wish to meet with them, in which case they will probably DF you anyway, but you get to avoid the personal grilling. Or you could send them a very brief letter saying you do not wish to be a member of their religion, and they will determine that you have Disassociated yourself. The result of that is the same as DF - in either case, they will announce you are no longer a dub and the congregation will shun you.

    My advice: Get the hell out of there in the way that suits you the best. You don't owe them anything, least of all an intimate interview about your alleged sins.

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    I guess it depends on whether you still view them as your spiritual leaders . What do you want ? Do you plan on ever returning to the congregation ?

  • undercover

    It's ultimately your decision...but you'll get lots of experiences and ideas from what others here have gone through.

    If it were me and I knew that they were looking to DF me and I had no real ties to the organization (like family) I would just refuse to meet with the elders. If they choose to DF or announce me as DAd, fine, do whatever. At this point, I would no longer give them any authority over me or my life. By agreeing to meet with them or discuss anything them still gives them a semblance of authority.

    Some might say that you could make your stand and try to "debate" issues with them, but they have closed ears, they won't hear a thing you say. By refusing to give them the oppurtunity to lord it over you speaks volumes more than trying to argue with them.

    All of this would change if I had JW family and was trying to keep my relationship with them intact. Depending on the seriousness of the "sin", if I wanted to avoid being DFd for that reason, some acting and lying would have to be used to fool them into thinking that I was repentant. After the Public Reproval was announced then could start my "fade" away from the "truth". Depending on how involved one's family is in the "truth" can make a difference as to how succesful that avenue would be.

  • avidbiblereader

    Welcome TOL, I would call them and use Christ's line he used on Judas

    "What ever you are doing, do more quickly"!

    You don't stand a chance either way, save your gas and time.


  • Dismembered

    Greetings T of L

    I personally would categorically refuse to meet with them. I'd not NOT tell them to DF you, as they will anyway. If they insist, and try to persuade you to meet with them for their perverted query session, just tell them to kiss your ass! Your past "sins" are none of their damn business.


  • ButtLight

    I would never step foot in that back room again, twice was 2 times 2 many! Good luck

  • luvnau

    Skip it, spare yourself all the trouble.

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