New and SAD...

The Dreamer

Hello All...I've been searching for some sort of comfort in my situation. I found a story written by "iamfreenow" aka Marion. I found some comfort to know that I am not alone in my challenging of my faith. I'm 26 years old and was disfellowshipped in May this past year. I worked harder than ever to be a good little witness until October. Trying so hard to be reinstated. But, it takes a good year of redeeming yourself before they will consider you for reinstatement. Well, sitting in a meeting in October the thought occured to me...god had forgiven me. Why couldn't a man made religion do the same? I was disfellowshipped due to drunkenness. I went to the brothers and told them that I had gotten drunk and did some other unscriptural things in my drunken stupor. I went to them and told them that I have a problem with drinking but, after the judicial committee they decided to disfellowship me. I got drunk along with my best friend who is also a witness. She was not disfellowshipped but, I was. I pleaded with them and asked for help for my drinking problem but, nonetheless, they took away my life...my standing in the congregation. I know that I am rattling on...I don't quite know what to say. Just that my heart is breaking as I face this "crisis of conscience". I miss my friends, my family, my life as I knew it. But, I can't see going back and living a lie. I have dreams every other night of people I have left behind. Last night I woke up crying out for "Jody". She was a longtime friend and like a mom to me. I miss her. I miss my twin sister. I miss my mom. My heart is breaking missing these people who will have nothing to do with me. But, I just don't know how I can do what they expect of me to be reinstated. I even thought of going through the motions to be reinstated and then just becoming inactive. I just don't know what to do and where to begin. I moved after I was disfellowshipped. So, I no longer live in the town that I grew up in. I moved a couple hours away to start over and make a new name for myself. I stopped drinking. And I have been working to improve the quality of my life. But, faced with loss and a huge decision to make...I am stuck. Any advice? Thanks for listening to my ramblings...

Mals

lonelysheep

Welcome ((((Mals))))!

candidlynuts

welcome dreamer.

it boggles my mind the kind of "loving sheparding" people with drinking problems or people who are being abused get from the elders!

i know some here will have some good advice for you. i'm notorious for not having any good advice lol, but i would like to welcome you and i look forward to reading more of your posts.

Tyrone van leyen

Do you honestly think there is anyone in your Boe that doesn't drink. Theyre just smart enough to hide it from veiw. They are power tripping little men and will have as much power over you as you let them. There was one elder in our cong. who drank so much he had a big red nose. We used to call him Rudolph behind his back. Trust me you don't need any of this and you are ahead of the game being out. As the years pass you will come to see that it was difficult to begin with but you will see many of your freinds in the future will be joining you! Meantime you are at a good age and can learn much from this froum on how to adjust your thinking and associates and live with yourself comfortably in conscience. All of us here go through the same feelings. Relax your fine there's nothing wrong with you. It's the other way around, as you will see by spending any time on this forum.

fullofdoubtnow

((((Mals))))

Hi and welcome to the forum.

It is very hard to face the loss of your family and friends, especially when it virtually happens overnight. The people who make and enforce the cruel and inhuman shunning rule ought to on the wrong end of it for themselves for a while, they might realise what they inflict on others then.

I don't really have any advice for you, except to stay with us here on JWD. It's a great place to be, the friends you make here will be true friends, not conditional ones dependent on you remaining part of some organisation.

I guess if you want to get your family back, you are at the mercy of the elders, and they don't seem to act in haste when thinking of reinstating someone. Rather they twist the knife as much as possible to ensure that the offender remembers the punishment. If you pursue that course, I wish you well, but from your post it's apparent that you don't really believe in the wts any more, so perhaps it would be wise to try and build a new social life, and make friends you can really depend on, away from the org.

Well done in quitting drinking, you will certainly benefit from that achievement in the long run

Good luck

Linda

Cellist

Hi Mals, welcome to JWD. I really don't know what to say as far as advise goes. Just don't think that you have to make decisions until you feel ready to make them. There are many here in similar situations, so keep reading.

Cellist

free2think

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((MALS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

From your post I can really understand what you are going through, I'm so sorry you have had to go through so much pain at the hands of a so called loving organization. I'm so glad you found this board though you're among friends who are here to help you and support you as much as you need.

Welcome to the JWD, Keep posting am looking forward to reading more of your posts.

free2think

LovesDubs

Hi sweetie. BIIIIIG hugs to you. We all know and understand what you are going through. This is still really raw for you obviously. Congratulations on being sober. Being sober AND having to cope with losing your family is a tremendous blow. Perhaps you can, since you are in a new area, try to get reinstated and then fade? In a new congregation, perhaps they will be more inclined to have mercy on you and will see that you are making an effort to "come back"...they dont have to know that your heart is longing to be free of this mess. The sad irony is MANY JWs are flat out alcoholics...it seems to be, thanks to Judge Rutherford, one of those things they dont really regulate very strongly. They obviously didnt just DF you because of being drunk...there must have been other things you told them you did while you were drunk that they felt they had to DF you to make an example of you. Getting drunk once isnt to my knowledge a DFing offense...however doing it a lot and publicly perhaps is.

But if you are missing so deeply your loved ones, work your way back in there. You know how the game is played. It may take awhile, but once you are back in, you can gradually fade back out. They cant DF you for being "depressed" or "confused" or any myriad of excuses you can use for not attending regularly. :)

And do stay in touch with us here. We can talk to you freely and we ALL understand like nobody else on the planet could, what you are going through.

LovesDubs

penny2

(((Mals)))

So sorry you are going through this. The practice of disfellowshipping is cruel and heartless and achieves exactly what it's supposed to - it keeps people tied to the organisation. You could keep going to meetings, get reinstated and then fade, simply so that you can associate with your family again. Many have done that successfully, including some posters on JWD.

On the other hand, you could get counselling to help you through this situation (I would strongly recommend that). You could also try contacting your mum - maybe she is willing to bend the rules and have some association.

If you have a friend, neighbour or workmate you can confide in, tell them what you are going through. It's nothing for you to be ashamed of. Other people would be horrified to learn what the WTS does to its members.

Mals, we look forward to hearing more from you.

penny2

Woodsman

Thats great that you have stopped drinking and recognize you have a problem. My advice is make sure you keep this going even if you need to get some supoport at AA. You may make some friend there too.

I was a very heavy drinker while I was a witness and so were many of my friends. Drinking kept me in the organization longer than I should have been because there was all these social drinking events and because I didn't study much.

When I stopped drinking and started studying I saw things more clearly and left. Sounds like you are seeing things more clearly too.

Good luck and hang in there.

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