I would be mixed. First off, if they had not df'd me willy-nilly (trupmed up judicial charges) I would never have gotten out, so it was probably the best favor they ever gave me. However, the committee was composed of one elder whom I had called on drunken driving and another elder whom I had called on adultery. The third elder did not vote to df me. So, it was basically a revenge act on their part.
Would you forgive an elder that disfellowshipped you?
by sass_my_frass 51 Replies latest members private
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steve2
One of the elders on the judicial committee who disfellowshipped me about 25 years ago killed himself a few months ago. I think he must have suffered enough over the years to end up taking his life without me also withholding forgiveness.
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avidbiblereader
I would, and only hope that God and the families that I had to be involved in with Judical actions as an elder can forgive me. I was acting by what I was told, I am truly sorry for all the hurt I have caused others when involved in the org. The arrogance of me, thinking I was qualified to judge another. I was pathetic!!!!
abr
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frankiespeakin
Yes, because I never spend that very much time holding resentment, it is a total waste of mental, and emotional energy.
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BluesBrother
I really hope that the people that were the victims of the committees on which I sat, do not hold it personally against me. - reading some of the above posts, I am starting to wonder?
Most of the people that were d/f'd in my personal experience were those who came forward, either from guilt or because they knew they had been rumbled. Very few did not accept the decision as inevitable. It was usually for sex or smoking- very little else. I never dealt with a case of "apostasy".
I just hope that there not hordes of people out there sticking pins into effigies of me - Ouch!.....If that is the case, remember that I do feel sorry already..
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garybuss
You guys who were / are elders and have blood on your swords might make a few calls or write a few letters to your victims, and ask for a list of damages done and permission to start making repairs on those damages. Nobody deserves to be kicked out of their church and shunned by their church and relatives, so don't give me any crap about just disfellowshippings, because there weren't any. Your victims might need to hear that.
The benefit might be two fold. It might be a freeing experience for you, and it might help free your victim of a resentment. -
searching4truth
I never habor resentment for men that honestly believe there actions were in ours or gods or gods peoples best interest, no matter how misguided they were. They for the most part a ignorant and are simply men struggling in positions of authority they should not have with responsibilities placed on them that should not be and they do the best they can with that. I feel sorry for them.
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NewYork44M
There are three elders as part of the judicial committee. The disfellowshipped individual may not really know what goes on when they leave the room.
I was a part of a judicial committee. A 20yo was being disfellowshipped for fornication. I did everything I could to change the verdict. I was attempting, through my questions, to get others to see she had a repentant attitude. I even made the group meet a second time. The final outcome was that she was disfellowshipped. She may have thought that I was being harsh in my questioning, but in reality I was doing all I could to help her out.
I hope she is doing well. Soon after that meeting I quit, so I have no idea what happened to her.
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steve2
I never habor resentment for men that honestly believe there actions were in ours or gods or gods peoples best interest, no matter how misguided they were.
Each to their own decision, I guess. But history is overflowing with all sorts of people doing all sorts of despicable things because they genuinely believed it was "for God and country".
Personally, I think that way too many humans hide behind their beliefs and, in defense of themselves say, "I was only obeying orders". Not good enough, I'm afraid. For example, would you be so prepared to forgive a judicial committee who disfellowshipped your child who subsequently killed himself out of a sense of utter dejection?
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restrangled
If just one of the 5 men on my JC comittee wanted to apologize (30 years later)...I could let go of a lot of pain. I have written about this before. At age 16 disfellowshiped, the elders involved were hauled in front of the DO at a circuit assembly and made an example of for their handling of my case. I sat in front of 5 more men assigned from various halls who reversed the decision.
Not one of those initial 5 men ever apologized to me or really ever talked to me again.....One of them, after everything was said and done asked my mother, "Do you think your family can survive in this hall?" That was it.
OFCOURSE WE DIDN'T SURVIVE.
r.