How Often Do You Come To JWD During A Day, Week or Month??? Hours or Mins? (page 16)

compound complex

Dear Diary,

Can you imagine devoting yourself - heart, mind, body and soul - to a "worthy" cause and then have it prove to be an utter lie? Then, the ultimate insult to your already unsustainable injury: you are told that the reason for the defeat of your cherished cause is - YOU! Well, at the very least, your expectations were misplaced! I realize you may not be able to fathom the bizarre nature of egomaniacal human behavior, DD. To witness the wholesale takeover of a collective man's mind from my historical vantage point - the brain boggles. How can it have happened? Wm. Schnell said [Thirty Years a Watch Tower Slave] about 1925 and the return of the OT princes:

"This expectation was fanned by every publication of the Organization of that time and it left a deep imprint upon our minds. In fact, it virtually made irrational crack-pots out of many of us." (p.33)

The year 1925 came and went - no Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Rutherford's clever explanation to disappointed members of Bethel [CHRISTIANS AWAKE!, W.J. Schnell, p. 68]:

"'Boys, you do not want to go to heaven now when the Lord has so much work for us to do. Let us print books and go with them into the highways and byways and:advertise, advertise, advertise, the King and kingdom until the end shall come.' He talked two hours that night and when he was through, he had talked us foolish ones out of going to heaven."

DD, if you can believe it, there is still more. The foundation of lies, deceit and glaring inconsistencies between words and practice. I wish I could spare you the details of this awful tale....

And a few years earlier, in the theatres of war: George Butterworth, English composer, died at the age of 31, as an infantryman. "Two English Idylls for Small Orchestra," currently playing. The battle in which he took part was, ironically, successful. Better to die for one's country than for a lunatic visionary.

CoCo

compound complex

Dear Diary,

I have to go back, I need to spend more time with Leonard and Virginia. He is threatened by her continual attempts at self-destruction; she is threatened by the banality and solitude of life at Richmond. Does she, as the wife of a man so obviously dedicated to her well-being, reciprocate by remaining alive at all costs? Do we owe it to one another to muddle through a life so fraught with pain? Do others, including the professionals who, after all, "know" what is best for us, dictate our daily regimen? Our loved ones may expend much time and effort on our behalf - that is what they choose to do for us. I would be loath to impugn an ulterior motive to that seeming, selfless devotion. But who truly can read the reasons behind any action, whether beneficent or other?
DD - I do have to catch a train - to London? to Richmond? I'm not certain that the Woolfs have yet had the removers come and pack up the joint. I must see V & L.........

Who's afraid of.....................

C...

compound complex

Dear Diary,

It is of little concern to me any longer that I cannot sleep. Through the night, I should clarify. Clarissa's life was unraveling - she was capable and strong through adversity. At the confluence of random events, however, her life goes to pieces - momentarily. I have come through similar personally; I saw my past life in what she revealed to me during her breakdown. They say life comes full circle, metaphorically speaking. How can an abstraction - life's journey - be mapped out, measured? I see it as linear. I'm not trying to get philosophical, Dear Diary. I have evolved to a level of human growth I never would have imagined. Needing people - surely - yet no longer dependent upon them to satisfy a want or an emotional need. Was self-sufficiency within reach, but I didn't realize it? Dorothy could have returned to Kansas at any time, but Glinda was the one bringing it to her attention. Toto too. Are my new friends, in the context of a foreign but friendly environment, responsible for my growth? Also, one must come to terms with the forces from within and without. Laura Brown does not expect forgiveness, but what can one bear? Death was before her. She chose to live. In living she lost her family. I ask once again, DD - what can one bear? Somehow my own burdens have become tolerable because I dared to peer into the lives of strangers.

How do I express my gratitude?

C...

compound complex

Dear Diary,

A very good day to you, as I sense a new and beautiful one taking shape. Grieg on now. Holberg Suite. Will be back shortly. News on in a few minutes. Not so many nightmares this time around....

C...

misanthropic

::Somehow my own burdens have become tolerable because I dared to peer into the lives of strangers.

That's a very touching statement.

compound complex

Dear Diary,

I never did get back to you this morning - please forgive. I have spent so very many of the wee hours with you. I would lie awake in bed, not tossing about, but thinking and musing over life, my journey. I have been exhausted by my dialogue with you. Bolting out of bed, I find myself returning to you. Particularly could I not resist pouring out my heart over Virginia and Leonard - you know, surely - the Woolfs. And the effect of her book... Is the correct title MRS. DALLOWAY ? Her portrayal in "The Hours" by Nicole Kidman has crippled me - well, not totally, of course. You know my penchant for drama, DD! Then Meryl and Julianne, playing their respective roles. I was truly there in the presence of quiet desperation, feeling the hot tears of bitterness and a loneliness that could never be assuaged. You fully realize that you do not fit in, but do you kill yourself? No... you choose to live! After "The Joy Luck Club," I honestly felt I would never again be so moved by the upheavals that are peculiar to the fairer sex. I was so moved. An earthquake of emotion. I likewise am devastated by the hurt I have caused those whom I love. I saw myself in company with those who have loved and lost. Could you possibly understand, Dear Diary? You have lived such a sheltered life.........

CoCo

compound complex

Dear Diary,

Missed telling you yesterday that more weather is on the way for the midwest: Oklahoma, Texas, Mississippi. How long have they already been without power? Something too on - it's all a jumble - House of Representatives; royalty payments re: oil from Gulf of Mexico; tax credits amounting to $14 billion. Is that alot?
Christoph Willibald Gluck's "Dance of the Blessed Spirits" - from "Orpheo e Euridice" was playing earlier. Orpheus' plaint for his deceased wife is entitled: "Che faro senza Euridice."
Coffee definitely will be sounding good, but later; too early yet. Decorating job later today. Maybe do some window shopping, gadding about town and maybe a trek to library. Cannot use another book in these parts; the floor is surely to cave in.

CoCo

compound complex

Dear Diary,

Awoke at 6:07 a.m. but not ready to talk yet. Needed to acknowledge that I did, indeed, make it through the night. No reg NPR news today; must find it elsewhere. Maria Callas' 1956 broadcast on at 10:30 this morn at the Met - Lucia di Lammermoor.........

CoCo

compound complex

Dear Diary,

How you beckon me, O Diary Dear, when you know so well that I had planned to sleep in. No matter. Had to get the turkey into the oven. This otherwise-furnace will keep the other half of the flat warm; turn down the heater - propane so costly. Debussy's "Nocturnes" finished. Had to turn out the lamp when "Sirens" emerged upon me with its sensual enchantment. No wonder Odysseus had the crew lash him to the mast. Plugged ears. You realize their song of love and desire is but a ploy to lure you upon the rocks of destruction, whereupon they seize you, the unwary sailor, and dash you to pieces in the midst of uncharted seas. I did not plug my ears - am I a fool?
Coffee was rendered tolerable by an infusion of vanilla ice cream, bought for that very purpose. Fresh pot in the works.
Back soon, DD....

C...

compound complex

Dear Diary,

I wish I had something to tell you. Something to delight the ear or stir the soul. But I am devoid of anything meaningful. Would it matter, Dear Diary? Oh, I must ready myself for the day's adventure. The sun has disappeared and has thus, so quickly, dampened my otherwise cheerful outlook for a new day's dawning. Soldier through, hoping that "speaking my truth" will have some meaning for someone - somewhere....

C...

How Often Do You Come To JWD During A Day, Week or Month??? Hours or Mins?

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