Need advice - marriage in crisis (page 6)

Apostate Kate

You have had some wonderful advice and I only read page 1 so far.

Here is something that would have made a big difference in my first failed marraige;

Read and study the Bible together. Surely she would not refuse. Use several translations and a Strongs concordance with a Hebrew Greek dictionary. Do this together chapter by chapter book by book starting with the New Testament.

She will start to see things that will not focus on YOU, but on the Organization's doctrine. You have to get to the root of her faith and change it from faith in a man made organization to authentic faith in the real Son of God. Not the recycled neutered angel turned man turned vaporous spirit creature the WT created for her to "emulate"

I did this on my own but it would have made the world of difference if my ex would have participated. She will learn that you can have 100% assurance of salvation, and it is a free gift, and there is nothing she can do to earn it, deserve it, or work for but to receive it. Many of us thought it was "Jehovah's organization and He will take care of it" too.

You don't have to believe in anything to do this.

garybuss

Hi Grace, You wrote: "I dont agree with you garybuss."I don't understand how your post relates to my post. Please explain.

Apostate Kate

oops sorry I just finished reading I should have read all before posting. you said she was not interested in reading the Bible with you, that is really sad.

To be in a religion that frowns on independant Bible study is pure evil. Any authentic Christian denomination will encourage independant Bible research and reading.

Of course the old Bethel boobs don't want anyone reading the Bible, they may just find out that the old men are just hairy a**ed old farts. Not the spiritual leaders of God's only organization.

moshe

I had to suffer 25 years with an unbelieving husband

I remember hearing at one of the ex-JW conventions many years ago that when a JW wife finally saw the light after most of her adult life as a JW and quit, it infuriated her husband. He was mad that she had ruined having a normal family with all her witness hangups and all the time she had been away at meetings , conventions and field service The husband was in his 50's and had been quiet all those years to keep peace in the marriage. He told his wife that "sorry" wasn't good enough and got a divorce.

Honesty

Truth be told, when a spouse decides they don't believe in the teachings of Jehovah's Witnesses anymore, their spouse will often chuck marital vows out of the window.

Been there, done that. It's devastating to discover your spouse loves a book publishing company's board of directors more than she does you.

jaguarbass

I left in 83 and 10 years latter my wife left. Shes happy she left. It can be done. It may depend on how you play your cards.

Alpheta

"She is a follower - she needs to be told what to believe, how to worship etc. She takes no notice of anything I have to say if it doesn't come from "mother" so to speak."

Hi Truthseeker. I didn't get through even half the posts here already with all the excellent advice, I just had to answer this comment you made and add my own two cents worth. Seems to me, from a female perspective, that you're pushing your wife too hard. Way too hard. You see the "truth" about the truth, but she doesn't/hasn't/doesn't want to yet/won't admit/is in denial cuz it's against everything she's come to believe - and sacrificed probably a hell of a lot for. So, my advice is - back off - for awhile. Just back off.

I know you think you're being reasonable, but my take is that from your wife's perspective (and yes, from mine, for what it's worth), you are constantly in attack mode, trying to wipe out everything she spent so long building up to believe. So yes, you SAY she's not so strong now in her believes - but then, if that's true, why is she fighting so hard BACK against you, heh?

Seems to me it's one of two things. Either she still really does believe it's the truth, or else she deep down inside resents the hell out of how hard you are pushing her to admit it's not the truth, and she doesn't like being pushed. Either way, I think your current approach is doing more harm than good.

You love the woman - so SHOW IT FOR FRIGGING SAKE! Forget all about the truth, etc. Buy her flowers, take her out to dinner, make her dinner, take her out dancing, to shows, make a bon fire in the back yard and romance her, man, romance her. Hire a baby sitter for the child and go on a vacation somewhere, if you can afford it; or ask some family to take the child for a few days so you two can get away and just be by yourselves. And then do this, over and over again, until she gets the point that you really actually and deeply love her - the woman - and that you feelings have nothing to do with JW or your fight about who's right and wrong here. Because you see, that's how she's seeing this now, it's a fight about who's right and who's wrong. And being a strong minded woman myself, that would make me want to fight on, even if deep down inside I knew you were right because, you see, it's about not giving up the fight. So, you have to make it NOT A FIGHT.

Don't think I've put this as well as I might, but I hope you get the idea I was aiming for. For goodness sakes, don't give up, but you've got to change your tactics!

TheListener

Excellent advice from everyone here. I'm going through this myself. I've stopped meeting attendance and stepped aside from serving and have been through the wringer.

Please look over my posting history when you get a chance and maybe you'll find something in my posts or the advice given to me by others that will help you out.

Please remember, you have the right to be happy. No more and no less than the right your wife has to be happy.

You have a PM.

mouthy

Quit thinking this is a religion problem Gary that is what I did not agree with

rebel8

She likes the lifestyle, the community and feels she couldn't make friends if she left the truth.

Is there some type of club or group (nonreligious) you could join together to start replacing it? I seriously think a lot of actives hesitate to leave because they fear loneliness. Being in the borg is more than just having instant friends (though often disingenuous)....these are friends who are so intimate that it is normal/acceptable to delve into people's personal lives in a way that would violate normal interpersonal boundaries....people feel a false sense of intimacy and community in the borg and are brainwashed to fear losing that.

Learning "worldlies" are not all bad people )going around casting spells , doing drugs, and prostituting themselves) goes a long way into deprogramming oneself. It's a big step towards feeling comfortable in one's own skin, trusting one's own thoughts and judgements, and feeling confident in disagreeing with authority figures.

Need advice - marriage in crisis

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