Need advice - marriage in crisis (page 3)

OnTheWayOut

Yes, I have similar problems:

In her mind, I am the one at fault.

Does anyone here in this situation have this experience?

I tell my spouse about what's happening in the org, and she never blames the org. for screwing up my mind or other lives.

My wife never says, "what they've done is wrong/bad/terrible", it's, "I don't want to hear this"
She has yet to say "you're ruining our marriage." But give it time.

My wife makes excuses for the bad way the CO handled my "doubts" and she excuses the entire WTS for anything
I bring up. If I give her a fact from the Bible, she says there must be other places in the Bible where the WTS example
is correct, but then she won't discuss it further (She won't find the answer and won't allow me to discuss my findings)

It's not just Truthseeker. So we can all support each other. I know I have to lay off questioning the WTS for now, but
I do inform my wife why I do the things that I do like stop going out in service, or why I would not comment on THAT WT article.

truthseeker

Hi Ian,

Thanks for comments. Yes, I've asked her to read some of the experiences here, but she won't consider it. She feels I have already told her too much, why come here for more?

I've told her we're not the only ones in this position, to which she says, "I don't care about anyone else."

Her activity in the organization ~~truth~~ is about the same as mine now - low hours, she still comments, better at meeting attendance than I, but never studies for any of the meetings.

I've asked her why don't we just read the bible, but she's not interested. All she wants is me back in the fold being a good spiritual head.

hubert

Truthseeker, Are there any ex-j.w.'s in your area that you could hook up with, like going to dinner together?

Of course, you couldn't tell your wife they are ex-j.w.'s, but maybe once she gets to know them, the truth can come out, and maybe she will listen to what they have to say.

Hubert

truthseeker

I thought about that before Hubert, I even suggested getting to know some who were in.

To her, it smacks of me trying to get her out - she refuses to consider anything remotely connected to leaving. I'm game for it if she decides otherwise.

She is a follower - she needs to be told what to believe, how to worship etc. She takes no notice of anything I have to say if it doesn't come from "mother" so to speak.

Yet, the thing is she really doesn't believe it - that belief is not enought to make her consider leaving though.

Dansk

All she wants is me back in the fold being a good spiritual head.

Then all you can do is stand your ground and NEVER go to another meeting (because if you go to any you're sending signals that you might one day go back) but be the BEST husband any woman could ever have. Dote on her, tell her how much you love her, buy her flowers, take her out, work well around the house and in the garden. Believe me, this has worked for many because the wife has realised she is married to a wonderful husband. There's more than one wife here who felt like yours but eventually followed their husbands's lead!

NEVER give up hope. Let the stories here of similar cases uplift you - and remember you are among friends.

Ian

drew sagan

Truthseeker,

You've gotten alot of advice from everyone here. I'll keep mine very basic.

You know it's not the truth. If you wish to save your marriage from much troubble and strain you must find an effective way in which to reach your wife, to help her see it is not the truth. Not only that but there must be something that replaces previous belief. Even if someone sees it is not the truth (or alot of evidence to prove it) unless they are shown there is something better they will just stick with what they have got. For many (but by no means all) that something better has been the form of a more deeper understanding of Christianity.

I spent alot of time finding the best way to help me wife and get us out of the Watchtower. At times I thought I would loose it all, but now she is right by my side. It was a bumpy ride, but we made it through. You can make this work, but it requires dedication and more than anything else PATIENCE!

I've got alot of expierance in this type of thing. If you want some more personal advice send me a PM.

-Drew

truthseeker

Drew,

Thanks for the advice man. Your point is very good.

Even if someone sees it is not the truth (or alot of evidence to prove it) unless they are shown there is something better they will just stick with what they have got. For many (but by no means all) that something better has been the form of a more deeper understanding of Christianity.

Right now, I have nothing better to offer her. She says to me, "I don't want to be as miserable as you are."

I'll keep trying.

greendawn

It's just one more instance of the org's influence causing problems in families, so what if a JW doesn't want to go to the KH anymore or to go out preaching their(erroneous)form of the truth? If they are up to their family duties and are morally OK what's the point of agitating and finding faults?

moshe

If you live in a large city, join a dance club and take dance lessons together- tell her it's a fun way to get in shape. You will meet new people and maybe make some friends outside the KH. Moving to a new city is a good idea as others have suggested. Remind her that JW's are only about 1/10% of the world's population and if it was the Truth, then why would a loving God make it so hard to see-- 99.9% of the people in the world have rejected the ever changing WT message. S-oo JW's are either the most intelligent people in the world or they are of the other sort- the dumbest.

Did you ever watch "who wants to be a millionaire" on TV?, Did you notice that the contestants who used the audience for a lifeline never said- Oh, I think I'll go with the answer that 1% of the audience picked. And yet that is what JW's have done, isn't it!!! That reasoning is what finally got my ex-wife to quit JW's, she saw that the 1/10% group could not possibly be right , the odds were 1000 to one aginst the Witnesses.

Warlock

TS

I don't know if you would be open to this. To take the pressure off her at the meeting, tell her to say "He's sick, or whatever, why don't you give him a call". That would stop further inquiry, and if they do cal you, you can say whatever you want or whatever you don't want to them.

I've thought about that, in case my wife ever becomes active, and that is what I personally would do. Think about it.

Warlock

Need advice - marriage in crisis

Share this