by truthseeker 71 Replies latest jw friends
Scully, thanks for the advice.
We do need to make more time for each other. I am currently studying at the moment. My wife is an artist, so she has outside interests fortunately.
I will take your advice to heart.
She often tells me "why don't my friends make time for me?" - truth is, her friends are busy pioneering, they have little time for anything else.
Hubert's advice, IMO, is advanced
You will know if and when you are ready for such a big step,
but you can at least break some habits, now.
Stop saying "the Truth." Start speaking of the WTS like a
third party instead of like it's "our" organization.
You are the head of household. Make some decisions about the kids.
Such as: If they want to stay home with Dad, let them. If they want to
get involved in some activity; sports, club, hobby- let them. If they want to
have a friend, it's okay (probably avoid the sleep-over thing).
Hubert,
Thanks for the advice. My wife would NEVER consider going to another church. She says that if she did leave the truth, she would never join another religion, so that idea won't happen.
Onthe wayout,
You're probably at the early stages that I used to be at. I hope things improve for you.
I find whenever you attack the religion, they take it personally, as if you are attacking them.
I've already made some decisions. Our child will go on to higher education if they want to - I won't force them to do anything they don't want to do. They must be allowed to grow and make decisions at their own pace.
It's a shame so many of us are now living in religiously divided households, simply because we chose to investigate the religion.
Hi Turthseeker,
I know all too well where you are cominmg from. My wife is in and very active, I left about 15 years ago. She too says the things your wife has said to you, I let her down, I turned my back on God, all that stuff. Well I to love my wife so I keep working on the relationship. It not easy but it is worth it. There have been times when we came close to divorcing but it hasen't happened yet. One day I will post my"story", when I am able to do so emotionally.
If you love her, fight for her, but don't give up on your conscience.
I wish you all the best,
LOL
If you love her, fight for her, but don't give up on your conscience.
That seems to be the general consensus here. Advice many of us husbands of active JW's (wives, too) can follow.
My wife would NEVER consider going to another church. She says that if she did leave the truth, she would never join another religion, so that idea won't happen.
I like Scullys' advice, then. Get her involved with "other" people, away from the j.w.'s.
Join a club together. (Bridge club, sports activities, etc.). Maybe in a town nearby, so you won't run into any j.w.'s you know.
As a side note....Would she read "Crisis of Conscience"?
Hubert
2112,
Thank you for your kind comments. She's worth it, but like you said, I can't give up on my conscience.
In her mind, I am the one at fault.
Does anyone here in this situation have this experience?
You tell your spouse about what's happening in the org, and they never blame the org for screwing up your mind or other lives?
My wife never says, "what they've done is wrong/bad/terrible", it's, "I don't want to hear this, you're ruining our marriage."
I tell her, if you're angry at anyone, get angry at the Society for misleading you.
As I stated last week I'm not a JW but my wife is trying to get back in. After reading many of the posts I think you need to resist as vehemently as possible. It looks to me like most of the time if you give in and go along and try and pussy foot around you still lose eventually. Moving to other places, and not standing up to the "Organization" in your own home just places one in the unenviable position of leading a "double life". I know children and family get in the way but if you are going to go along to get along you and the relationship will just end up as road kill by the KH-WTS Express, unrecognizable to the living world. What kind of mind control is this anyway? Count me out!!! "STOP CALLING THIS THE TRUTH". RESIST,RESIST, RESIST...
Hi Truthseeker,
I'm truly sorry for your pains and what and your wife are going through. It is a fact that love can overcome all things - but you both have to have that love to make it happen.
I know this might seem risky, but have you ever asked her if she would consider coming here and reading some of the stories? After all, you met her on-line and so she might be less tolerant of the society expounding the dangers of the internet.
Let her know that there have been thousands in your shoes but that they worked through it. If you can get her to come here and show her some selected stories she may identify with them and realise she is by no means alone. You can tell her that we have ex DOs, COs and POs here - and, I believe, one or two were of the anointed. Also Ray Franz's books may help.
I think the worst thing about leaving the org is the feeling of being alone and also how it makes one feel in mourning. I decided to exit before my wife and I was extremely concerned about my own marriage breaking up. It took me three days to get her to come round and view the information I had found. This site helped both of us heal - and my taking her round to others who had left the organisation was another fillip. Once you get that far, the apostafests are next because you'll meet like-minded people who can become friends for life and your wife will, again, see she is not alone and that there really is life after Watchtower.
We're all with you!
Ian
