Believe what you like.
There are many quotes from Darwin's own writings that prove he could not substantiate his evolution theory. He found the holes himself and didn't deny it. If he chose to defend it any way, then that does not prove that he believed it beyond all doubt.
Look how many kids struggle with their belief of Santa Claus. Even when they are faced with the sad truth that he does not come down the chimney and bring them gifts. There appeared to be proof! It all lined up, that is why they believed it. The evidence was there. The gifts, the empty cookie plate, etc.... For years they believed this, yet it would seem foolish of them to have spent so much time believing something that just simply could not be. So they deny it. But, alas, the truth comes out in the end. No fat guy with presents. They were mistaken. They were misled.
IF Darwin appeared to be grasping at straws to support his theory upon his death bed, could it be that he spent so much of his life on it, that perhaps he didn't want his children to think he wasted his time? Maybe his children didn't want him to appear to be a fool, when so many others were buying into the act. How many people have covered up for loved ones, to give honor and dignity to their memory? It wouldn't be the first time. Many quotes from Darwin's own writings support that he did not have enough evidence to satisfy even himself about his theory. He admitted it. If he chose to hold on to the idea anyway, then maybe that was his "Santa Claus".
Haven't you ever believed something that was not true, and even when you knew it wasn't true, you still held on, because you spent so much time and effort on it? You hoped that someone would come along with the evidence you needed to ease your mind. But all that happened was more evidence came to conclude that you were wrong. I have.
You can believe anything, but it doesn't make it a fact.
When you weigh the evidence, I believe creation has the upper hand. I could be wrong. You could be wrong. Neither one of us knows a person who is living on earth today who was actually there and could prove what happened. Both are theories. There are still the obvious questions: If humans "evolved" from apes, why are there still apes? If we evolved from a pit of slime, how did the pit of slime know how to make us (purely by accident, mind you) male and female? Those are pretty intricate "parts", you know! The questions are endless. Anything as intricate and fascinating as the reproduction systems of various creatures could not have been some kind of cosmic accident. They testify that there was a designer.
