A JW with an impossible question

by jgnat 79 Replies latest members private

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  Finally-Free

  How does punishing him punish me? The crueller they are, the weaker their grip on him. I go to dinner and a movie more often.

  Elders tried that with me because, in their opinion, I didn't have my wife in "subjection". It's not that she was doing anything wrong, she just wouldn't let any other "brothers" in the hall order her around, and rightly so. Technically, I could say she was in "subjection", because I was the one who told her to stop taking their crap. Of course, things like that always happened when I wasn't around. One such incident was when a MS tried to counsel her for filing her nails in the kingdom hall - her fingernail dust was supposedly landing on the carpet. She politely told him to mind his own business since she was the one who usually vacuumed the hall anyway. He ran off to the elders, and the next thing I knew I was removed from the sound department and magazine counter, no talks on the school, no reading at the watchtower study or BS, and no one called on me to comment for a full six months. When I went to the elders to ask about these restrictions, which no one had informed me about, they said I was imagining things. It wasn't until after I DA'd that I found out that most of my problems with the elders were because they didn't like the fact that my wife spoke her mind; It probably bothered them more that she was usually right. It was the "service overseer" that told my mom that my problems with elders were because of my "unsubmissive" wife. For all those years I had no clue what they had against me. I had to become an "apostate" before I finally got some answers. For a long time I thought they wanted us out of the cult. In my case they got their wish.

  I don't think they are seeking to "punish" you. I think they want your husband out of the cult, and this is their way of provoking him into doing something he can get DF'd for. They can't stop your activity on the board, but if they get rid of your husband there is less chance of your "corrupting influence" having an effect on their congregation.

  W
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  jgnat

  You may have something there, finally-free. I might have to content myself by supporting the hundreds of "Unbelieving Mates" here on the 'net, instead of the half-dozen sisters at the hall.
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  Santisimo

  What he should do is buy a PDA with web access and enjoy the hell out of it during the meetings!!!!
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  sosad

  It does happen - I'm from Canada too so manybe just here???

  i was twice told I was under restrictions that included no field service- once when i was re-instated in the early 80's - what was interesting was that they must have been wrong to tell me that at the time becasue they assured me that was NOT what they had said to me at the reinstatment jc meeting. The comment was that my repentance was some what suspect if I didn't go out - but I know this was not what they told me. I remember being very careful not to contradict them when they "corrected my understanding" via my dad....the second time was when I was dealing with an eating disorder - the elder verified with Bethel or the co that i should not be going door to door etc....honestly- it was the best thing that could have happened - they didn't want me and I was finally able to see (after a time) that I did not want them either

  By the way - I married a none witness- dating and marrying him (i was no longer active at the time) provided the support I needed to stop using the org as the social network and culture that it is to the majority of jdubs raised that way
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  sass_my_frass

  Yeah I haven't ever heard of anything that prohibits your husband from going out on the preach. I'd have been a sinner at age 12 if I knew it would get me out of field service! (I'd have chosen a nice safe sin option like swearing at the book study conductor). Mr Gnat's elders must have a serious grudge against him; it's entirely personal. If you have the publications CD you'll find a few articles describing what can and can't be taken away from you when you're on restrictions... sorry I don't know what it is but I had one read to me when I was put on restrictions. My punishment was that I couldn't comment at meetings, which was fine because I hadn't for five years anyway. As a chick, I had no microphone or garbage disposal privileges to be stripped of.
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  carla

  All I can say is, some people have all the luck! Just kidding. I would love for my jw to be on restriction. Maybe a more public stance from me is needed.

  If he likes to be crapped on what can you do? Maybe he needs to read a book about the psychology of battered wives and see if he has some of the same problems. At some point some reach the enough is enough stage and some never do.

  If he can seriously believe that the behavior at the hell is of God, then there's not much to say. If he can see that it is unbiblical maybe he will open his eyes one day.If he is still so vocal with you and the neighbors, I think he is still too gun ho to see that there is a problem.
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  IronClaw

  Just a side point on restrictions. I always found it odd that when I was on restrictions ( could not comment at meetings ) that I was allowed to go out in service. My point is that I could be sitting right next to a brother at the meeting and not comment or even read a scripture. But after the meeting was over I could go out in service with that very same brother and at the door speak and read scriptures. Go figure??

  The Claw
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  purplesofa

  Just a side point on restrictions. I always found it odd that when I was on restrictions ( could not comment at meetings ) that I was allowed to go out in service. My point is that I could be sitting right next to a brother at the meeting and not comment or even read a scripture. But after the meeting was over I could go out in service with that very same brother and at the door speak and read scriptures. Go figure??

  I thought the same thing.....!!
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  AudeSapere

  But after the meeting was over I could go out in service with that very same brother and at the door speak and read scriptures.

  I always thought that odd, too. At the meetings, if someone said something reflecting the dreaded 'independent thinking' (which someone on restriction may very well - as that very thinking is probably what got them in trouble in the first place) the comment could be corrected by the conductor or other 'older men' in attendance. In service, it was just the individual and the householder. Who could know what untruths might be spoken in such an instance??

  -Aude.
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  bronzefist

  jgnat you wrote:

  Restrictions from the preaching work these past four years, who knows? Nobody wants to be saddled with him? The restriction from commenting these past six months was for his confessed pre-marital fornicating from three years ago.

  You had mentioned that your husband was "blunt" at the door this could be a reason the elders un-justly restrict him from the door to door work. I'm guessing no one has "intense love" for your husband to work with him, not even the Service Overseer. I've been in his shoes with feeling "neglected" and over-looked within the congregation even though I've never been on restrictions. He wants to feel "accepted" and a part of the group. In truth they want him to just disappear.

  Changing congregations is not the answer to this situation crap rolls uphill or downhill depending on the location of any other hall he could attend. The only hope I can see is for you to be a loving support for his crushed emotions.