Need marital advice

by lost_light06 70 Replies latest jw friends

  • lost_light06

    I need some serious advice. I just found out my wife has been emailing some guy she met at her work. She gave him her cell # and said she wanted to “get together” and “connect”. I found out about it because we have been getting emails saying she has new myspace messages. I knew she had a myspace account but never checked it out and didn’t know her password. I got curious so I had her password emailed to our home account. I checked it and saw these messages between her and this guy.

    Here’s my question. Since the way I found out about it could be viewed as invading her privacy do I confront her about it now or wait until I have more evidence. My fear is that by waiting something more might happen and I’ll lose my wife. I really need some good advice.

  • Legolas

    Check it out NOW!

  • twinflame

    Wow, that really sucks. Sorry to hear it, but I'd recommend heading it off now while she's just thinking about it. She just may be caught up in the moment and you can bring her to her senses. If you wait, it could get much worse. Good luck to you.

  • WingCommander

    You're living in a dream world because you are thinking in terms of "losing your wife." What you fail to realize is that you've already lost her!! Doh! If she's set up a account and is looking to "connect" with other guys, than you've already lost her! Sorry to break the harsh truth to you pal, but I'd be an asshole for trying to sugar coat the truth.

    Now, since you've come to this realization that your trust and marriage is probably over, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to confront her and whine and moan and cry for her to stop her extra-marital activites? End result: she'll walk all over you and abuse you even worse than now because she'll think she has you by the balls, and will use your emotions against you. Hint: you're a cry-baby p*ssy if you go this route.

    Here is my advice: Say nothing for now. Gather evidence. Print out every email between her and "partner:" Set up some survillance, take pictures of some smooching, etc. Than, when you have enough evidence, go to a great divorce lawyer. Get everything legal in motion, unknown to her. Then, at an appropriate time, take off a day of work, and don't tell her. Take that day and put all of her belongings outside on the driveway. Call her at lunch, and ask her to meet you directly at a resteraunt for dinner. Act all casual and romantic. At dinner, announce the good news that she'll be sleeping elsewhere that night, and every other night from now. Tell her she can pick up her belongings off the driveway, and promptly move in with her new partner. Hand her the divorce papers at this time as well.

    Go home, have a drink, and think about the new opportunities that await you in your now free-from-slut-wife life. Sleep like a baby knowing you're not lying next to an adulter any more.

    Hope this helped!

    Wing Commander

  • Life Is Grand
    Life Is Grand

    If somone is going to cheat, or mess around behind their partners back via the internet, then they have to realize that their "privacy" is always open to the public and the possibility of being found out is had to do what you had to do-I wouldn't feel guilty about that at all or worried about what she thinks. It doesn't seem that SHE was too worried about YOU if she's doing what she's doing.

    I think cheaters are despicable, and if that's what she's up to, you need to confront her and find out the truth. Nobody deserves to be treated like trash!!!


  • Dismembered

    Good advice WC.

    You'd have to made of cast iron to do all that. Especially if he's "surprised" about it.


  • Warlock

    I have never heard advice like Wing Commander just gave you, but if I was in your shoes, I would try it.


  • earthtone

    lmao @ wing commander. Are you the other man?! It sounds like he wants to keep his wife!

    Okay, this is my take. There ain't no privacy when your married IMO. Others may feel differently. But if I thought something was up, I'd check the email, voicemail and pager. She should not be talking to another man and keeping it from you, if it's innocent. I get pm's all the times from guys on this site and my hubby knows about it. So I saw cut this off while it's early. You have enough evidence, why let more happen. You'll only be angrier. If she wants out there's nothing you can do about it anyway. And how do you know this is the first guy she's tried to meet up with?

    Now on the other hand if you think the trust is gone, you might want to do thing commander way. He gave you some pretty sound advice.

  • Dansk

    EXCUSE ME but surely it depends on how much you love your wife - and vice versa. OK, on face value it looks bad - but without hearing her side of it you'll never know. You never said how old she is, if she's going through any trauma, the menopause, or whatever.

    Confront her. Ask her if she wants to leave. If not and you still love her go for counselling. Some marriages teetering on the edge have been saved. We're not marriage guidance counsellors here so could be giving you the wrong advice. So seek professional help!!


  • delilah

    Lost_light.................Wow! Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. I think you should confront her with what you found, in a kind way. Don't bring out the big guns just yet.

    Obviously there is something going on,( or not going on) in your marriage,or with your wife, that needs to be addressed. TALK to your wife, and maybe get some expert advice, together.

    Wingcommander, it sounds like you have been hurt awfully bad, by a woman, and if you have, I'm terribly sorry. Nobody deserves to be hurt by a cheating spouse.However, I don't think Lost_light needs to assume his marriage is over, and find himself a lawyer just yet. I think they definitely need to sit down, and talk rationally, and calmly, about what she is doing.

    Good luck, and all the best to you, Lost_light. Hugs.

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