Need marital advice

by lost_light06 70 Replies latest jw friends

  • Robdar

    Do not confront your wife at this time. If you tell her how you found out, she'll just get better at hiding things from you. Forget about roosters and do not confront the other guy(s) either. No woman is worth fighting over, no matter how much you love her. If she truly loved you, she wouldn't be expecting you to put your health and life on the line to prove your love. Besides, it isn't your love that is causing this. It is her lack of love and respect for you that is bringing this situation about.

    The thing to do right now is to be silent and watch and listen. Later when you find out more, do what you must do whether it's couseling or confronting her. If you decide to confront her, speak to an attorney first. Also, get your financial house in order. Keep an eye on your money. No need in letting an adulterer break your heart and rob you blind too.

    BTW, in Missouri, what your wife is doing falls under the term "marital misconduct". Although Missouri is a "no fault" divorce state, the judges do not look favorably on marital misconduct.

    Although society tries to give marriage romantic overtones, the truth is that marriage is nothing more than a business partnership. Your business partner is behaving in unethical ways and is considering breaking some of the partnership rules that you both agreed to. If she does break them, dissolve the partnership. Divide the assets equally and fairly but do not, I repeat, do not stay in business with an unethical partner.

    Good luck.


  • Crumpet


    i can understand why you might be slightly jealous, but I do not understand why so many think that the words "get together" and "connect" equals cheating or plans for sex!

    I have loads of male friends - I talk very openly to them and intimately. Some of them from this board for heaven's sake and we have got together and connected! And none of that was sexual in any way whatsoever!

    If she is seeking attention from other men then she probably isn't getting it from you. if you get everything you want and need from your partner you don't seek out intellectual, emotional. mental, spiritual or physical satisfaction elsewhere.

    Take her out for dinner and ask her if she is happy and if not why not? and then discuss how to remedy it. Only if there is no remedy at all and nothign in this world you can do or are prepared to do to make her happy and vice versa do you split up.

    Dont leap to conclusions - these two words are warnings but nothing to get too worked up about.

  • lonelysheep

    Great post, Crumpet!!

    BTW, I highly doubt it's legal to just kick her out. It's her residence, too. That's what happens when you're legally married.

    LS of the "that b.s. has been tried once and backfired on him" class

  • kerj2leev

    You can't throw someone out, but if they leave legally you can stop them from entering the home.

  • mouthy

    This old ladys advice would be. Go directly to your wife & tell her what you found. Yes it was invading her privacy ...For which you should apoligise. But I think once a wife knows her mate is leaving the "Faithful & deceitful Slave "& knows so many other JW wives that have left their mates -she begins to "look around" I would suggest you tell her you love her & want the marriage to go on. If she doesnt want it. I am sorry- Out of the heart the mouth speaks. She too was given the freedom to choose. I pray it will go well with you both ....

  • Jim_TX

    I'm going to try to refrain from giving 'advice'.

    Is it just me... or has everyone else already 'seen' this, and I am the slow one in the group?

    He has said that he has already told his wife he is leaving the JWs (in so many words).

    She has had the usual JW reaction to that - and thinks that he has lost his mind!

    She then goes out - within days, and starts looking to meet up with someone. Anyone.


    To me... *speaking slowly* ... it looks as if she is trying to find someone to commit 'fornication' (or whatever the term is) with - so that she can 'legally' (by JW terms) get a divorce from him, and do her 'time' (aka reproof, disfellowship, etc), and then get re-instated, and then get herself a fine upstanding JW elder.


    If this is the case, it might be a good idea to talk with her, and see if counelling is in order. I need to correct that. I need to say 'professional counselling'. (Okay - I broke my rule - I gave advice.)

    Or... am I just seeing something that isn't there?


    Jim TX

  • moshe

    She might just be trying validate her attractiveness. Go sign up for dance lessons and surprise your wife. After a month of lessons and going to some dance parties together, I'll bet she forgets all about that Myspace business. Take her shopping for a new outfit to wear to the dance club ,too.- then tell her how sexy she looks in it.



  • FreedomFrog

    ~froggy sneaks in quietly~

    I'm not going to say much about this in here...but I do think that there are way too many negative advice given that causes people to "give up". My suggestion for you would be to get a marriage counsoler NOW. Even if you go by yourself. Make sure you get a good counsoler that will give you ways to save your marriage. There are way to many divorces and I feel that it's because too many people take the easy way out instead of working through the problems...

    ~froggy backs out quickly~

  • Crumpet

    Moshe and Froggy and lonelysheep - I am with you guys! Give the lady the benefit of the doubt! She hasnt done anything except exchange friendly emails that we know of .

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Okay my two cents worth......... sorry if it's a repeat of someone else's advice, but I got tired of reading them all back on page two ! When I told my husband that I no longer believed in the "truth " his first reaction was to feel that our marriage was over . We had a few rough days until he realized that was not what I wanted . Maybe your wife is afraid you are leaving her , and she is trying to beat you to the punch so to speak . Set down with her and find out what is on HER MIND !!!!! What does she feel about you leaving the truth ? Does she feel that means you have no future together ? Does she want to make your marriage work ? Be HONEST , tell her you have seen the myspace messages, and you need an explaination. Be rational , calm and mature about this , I hope you will be able to work it out .

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