you think you are being shunned or.......

by Snoozy 37 Replies latest jw friends

  • fullofdoubtnow

    Yes, I'm being shunned.

    Not by my family, none of them ever became jws, but very few jws will even acknowledge my existence now, let alone condescend to speak to me. I sometimes see some of them whwn I visit my mum, there is a family a couple of doors away, and they look away when they see me. If that isn't shunning, I don't know what is.

  • GermanXJW

    Got an email from our best "friends" (longer than 15years) that being with us is against their conviction.
    My father said that he reduced contact on purpose. Some weeks later he called me an apostate scum and disinherited me.
    How do you call that?

  • trevor


    Shunning is shunning. If you are not sure then you have not seen the beast at work or been mauled by its claws and teeth.

    Snoozy is as Snoozy does.

  • poppers
    Catholics used to excommunicate..I don't think they do any more

    In all the time I was a practicing Catholic (40 plus years) I did not know of anyone who was excommunicated. If you ask the average JW if they know anyone who has been disfellowshipped I bet it would be a pretty high percentage.

  • Cordelia

    i dont knoiw how you can even ask that question if you have been a jw,

    my family cry every night beg me to come to the meetings and get reinstated coz it breaks their heart they cant talk to me! they havent choosen this it is because they are loyal to the society

    and it pisses me off when they follow the societys 'laws' so much about shunning when others dont!

    i have been sent watchtowers that clearly say if a realitive doesnt live at home it is possiable to have no contact at all so that they can make me see why i have to go back!

    i hate that religon

    cordelia (of the going to the convention on friday to be shunned by 18,000 people for some reason class)

  • sass_my_frass

    .... errr, yes I'm being shunned. How do I know? The sms my sister sent me: 'don't contact us again'. The last phone call to my other sister when she told me that if she can't talk me out of getting married she never wants to hear from me again. The phone call to one brother who said 'well you know what we have to do now'. The phone call to the youngest brother who said 'I don't think it's the right thing to do but I'm not allowed to talk to you any more'. The letter from my parents that said 'you knew that if you left the truth you'd lose us too'. The phone call from a dear friend who said 'I love you and I'm going to miss you so much... call me when you're reinstated'. Another: 'keep studying and praying until you're reinstated and then call me'. Another: 'We're going to miss you so much, get reinstated soon'.

    ... and I know that I can't get reinstated, so I lose all these people from my life. I have, however, worked out how to grieve them all and move on; the only thing that makes me angry is attitudes like yours that pretend that perpetuate my fear that if I'd been slightly more perfect for them, everything would be okay. You just ruined my day; not very nice of you.

  • shar212

    You may be right. Maybe if she were to tell them how she was feeling (to some of her friends) and maybe they will reassure her that's not the case.

  • Snoozy

    OK..I totally agree with everyone here!..I was NOT saying that shunning does not exist big time!

    I understand the anger towards them for what they have done. Especially when relatives are involved. I feel sorry for all on here that are going thru it. I guess because I didn't have any contact with the JW's other than my in-laws (whose shunning changed from week to week..) I didn't see that much shunning. That didn't mean it didn't exist!

    For those of you that attacked me for asking the question I wasn't saying by any means that shunning doesn't exist. I am just saying that sometimes...note SOMETIMES ..our hostile attitude doesn't help matters. It closes doors.

    I only had a few times where shunning became obvious. One that stands out was when my JW in-laws had an anniversary party..I was invited which didn't surprise me as we were at their farm helping them almost every I was surprised when I got a phone call from my JW sil uninviting me. I was very hurt and angry. I was good enough to go up to their farm and do manual labor to the point of exhaustion for them but not good enough to go to the party with the rest of my family.The part that hurt the most was there were other relatives there that had once been JW's and quit as I did. There were also many of their worldly friends and relatives there.

    I continued to go and help hubby help them and yes I even hated them for their actions. I did feel it was a personal thing though..I feel they just used religion for an excuse to do what they wanted anyway. Why?..because even when I was an active witness my JW Mil actually quit going to the meetings because she was angry with me about something. When I finally quit going she started back.

    The shunning didn't actually surface again until hubby was dying...she taught him that I was an apostate and all that goes with it in his dying days..a action I will never forgive her for. It put a wedge between hubby and I and broke my heart.

    Again..I felt it was just her meanness coming out and she used religion as an excuse for her actions.

    So to sum it up..I am not making light of the shunning process ..I DO know it exists..and I feel truly sorry for all those that are having to suffer because of it. My heart goes out to you.But it my case I did take it personal..I did feel it was soley a personal choice of my in-laws and used the religion to back it up.

    Another example is a best friend in the religion had a stingy husband that horded every penny he could. He jumped into the religion when he found out he didn't have to celebrate holidays and BUY presents. He used the religion as an excuse to avoid spending money on others.

    I knew many JW's that had relatives that just left the religion for some reason or other and some had even been baptised. In many cases there were NO shunning practices.Their family unit was to tight . They never gave up preaching to their relatives that left (a no-no?) and felt that was a good enough excuse to continue associating with them.

    I have been out of the religion for a long time and it does seem according to many that have replied here that the shunning process has gotten more severe in recent years. When I attended the memorial for my JW FIL in a room full of JW's only one shunned me . The others hugged me and asked me how I was. That was about 10 years ago and a rural congregation where they all knew I had disassociated myself.

    Again...I was not making light of the shunning process but I am saying that in come cases the shunner just uses the process to avoid associating with someone they didn't want to associate with anyway. I think that can almost hurt worse than shunning because of the religion.

    Maybe I am the only one that feels that way but thank God I no longer have any contact with the JW's.It was a nightmare I try to forget but somehow keeps coming back..I guess because it was so much a part of my life for so long. And thank God I can still remember the ones that were so kind and loving..and didn't shun.......


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