you think you are being shunned or.......

by Snoozy 37 Replies latest jw friends

  • Quandry


    I was in the congregation for over thirty years. If someone was df'd or dissasociated, I would never have talked to them. There are many on this forum that were disfellowshipped for talking to a relative who was df'd. In fact, on of the first stories that I read was about a man who left the JWs and his 80 some year old mother was outed for having contact with him. She relied on him to help take care of her. They only visited once a month to care for her needs. The witnesses did not volunterr to care for her, just df'd her for seeing her son.

    I myself have also known of similar circumstances. And, when my child was disfellowshipped in the most harsh, unloving manner by men who told her she would burn in the fire with the devil and his angels, I tried to talk with them later. They would not so much as pronounce her name.


    Have you read some of the heart wrenching posts on this forum of the things JW family members have said to thei children/parents???

    Yes, the most unchristian shunning.

  • restrangled

    Dear Snoozy,

    I was a mother's dream daughter along with my husband who is not a JW, helping her where no one else could, or would. She told me that I was her absolute best friend for the past 20 years. I am the executive of her trust, and stood by her side helping for 4 months as my father laid dieing of bone cancer.

    We have always had so much fun together shopping, decorating our homes, getting each others opinion on the same and always supporting each other.

    I encouraged her (always) when she was pioneering, also to buy a certain home so that she could be closer to the KH and have the bookstudy in her house.

    I helped her with landscaping, and sending MAJOR money to the society etc.

    A little over a month ago, some Circuit Overseer recommended to her that she shun me.

    I have not heard from her since but was delivered a 3 page type written letter thanking me for all I had done but she must now disown me because I have been gone 30 years and still smoke.

    I really am quite upset at your question. I don't think you know what your asking.

    I would post the letter sent to me by my mother but it would give too much away.


  • fjtoth
    I really am quite upset at your question. I don't think you know what your asking.


    You are not alone in being upset. I have an 89-year-old friend in town who left the organization 15 years ago simply by not attending the meetings anymore. She is a sweet lady who can barely harm a fly. Nearly every week I hear her express affection for former friends who used to love doing nice things together with her but who now cross the street when they see her coming. She was never even disfellowshipped, and they treat her like that!!! They do this because their misguided elders, some of them Bethelites, instruct them to.

    Age sees a lot of things...and as I said important is being right?


    I'm 70 and you're going on 64. I hope as you age you grow out of this silly business of yours of sugar-coating the unchristian Watchtower organization -- an organization that has brought devastation to far more individuals and families than probably any other so-called "Christian" religion in modern times.


  • fjtoth
  • smellsgood

    "If you can move on with your life and not argue with them when you are around them"
    smellsgood: "evil endures when good men remain silent" whose best interest is that in???? not yours, not theirs, that viewpoint only serves one thing, the Watchtower.
    snoozy: "They choose to be the religion they are."
    smellsgood: they were duped and their choice is one of a persons who's information was handpicked diluted and strained through a narrow gulley, in other words, they were manipulated.
    snoozy: "We can't usually change their mind. Why should we?"
    smellsgood: That is a very dangerous attitude, not only w/regard to persons enslaved in a cult, but also in many areas. Ideas drive actions. Beliefs can bend character.
    ,,,think about that in terms of another avenue where people come up against conflict w/regard to beliefs,,,
    don't ever make the mistake of slipping into passivity since "ahhh, others will be what they be" think of those who were enraptured by Charles Mansons helter skelter lunacy. If you had been part of that group, found out that that it was madness, wouldn't you have gone back and tried to talk some sense to those you knew, no matter what resistance or retaliation came your way?
    I think it is even MORE important to people when it is their family.
    You realised you were being lied to, working a corrupt organizations agenda, and why would you want anybody you gave two whits about doing the same.
    I'm thinking of the phantom tollbooth, where Milo is instructed by the demon of useless tasks to move a large pile of sand, one grain at a time, from here to there using a pair of tweezers.
    He does what the nicely attired, polite demon tells him to
    He does eventually pull out the mathematicians pencil and after calculationg the astronomical time the eyedropper/well routine would actually take, it breaks the "spell." He realises the pointlessness of this, and that he was just persuaded to do something that is vacuous, inane, and he gets on his way, upsetting of course, the demons machinations.

    Reading this, you just want to shout at Milo that there's no point to this, you've been had, put the tweezers down and get the hell out of there. That is the natural inclination, to save somebody from doing something that is no good, worthless, or even harmful.
    snoozy: They have their life and we have ours. If they want to say.."We can't associate with you because you aren't a JW.".so be it. Pick up the pieces and go on with your life. If they change their minds they will know how to find you.
    smellsgood: I see what you are trying to say. I just must disagree that the best method is just to shuttup. And that this may be the cause of why those are shunned, cos they can't do it. Just yesterday I was reading I forgot who, who did not say word one about the WT, and yet was being viciously shunned only as a result of their non-membership.
    I just disagree with the viewpoint that passivity is a good way to go about things. From where I sit, it doesn't make a difference as to how you are treated, it's not a reaction to your "behavior" after you are no longer one of JW's, its mandated how they are to treat you in the 'event of' ,,before any wrongdoing or disagreement even occurs.
    Again, the only true beneficiary of the "shuttup and let them just continue on" is the Watch Tower corporation. Silence and control is their best ally.
    Besides all that, yes, people should live their lives as best they can. Unfortunately this organization takes away so much, how can it not have an impact.

  • BlackSwan of Memphis
    BlackSwan of Memphis

    Hmm yeah in answer to your question, no I'm positive it is a shunning thing. I know this because I found out from my husband who works with my mom's neighbor that my sister is pregnant. And also because my elder bil asked me, no wait, told me to have zero contact with the family since they
    'announced me' at the hall. And also because I see people every so often and they pretend I'm not there.

    So, yeah it's shunning over on this end. But life could be worse.

    Why sit around and waste your life waiting for them to come around? If it is going to happen it will. If be it.

    I agree.

    Here's to living life:


  • moomanchu
    I am also saying they are NOT the only religion that does this. They all have little clicks where you may feel shunned and yet it isn't always so official like in the JW religion.


    You believe it's our fault and something is wrong with us thats why they don't accept us what you don't realize is they don't give a rats ass about us or you they're just following rules.

    It doesn't matter how nice or how smooth or how careful we are in speach they had their minds made up before the first word came out of our mouth.

  • Finally-Free

    After their stand on blood transfusions and their habit of waking people up on Saturday mornings, the Jehovah Witness policy of shunning and destroying families is probably the cult's best known feature among non-jws. They shun me because I dislike pedophiles. They love to shun people. They thrive on it. It gives them something to gossip about, and adds a little meaning to their otherwise worthless lives. It's kind of pathetic to see them gleefully running around the kingdom hall just after a disfellowshipping is announced, in search of juicy tidbits to gossip about. Of course, the elders wives are usually the ones who haughtily dispense this important information to the awestruck sisters of lower rank.

    When you're as low as a JW you relish the opportunity to look down on someone - anyone - because such opportunities are few. Treating someone like shit is one of the few things that provides a JW with any happiness.


  • TresHappy

    I am sure some people would shun me - but actually I hear I am asked out quite frequently, I actually had some good friends in the borg!

  • mama1119

    Im going to go with immediate family would never shun me, but we went to a anniversary party last night for some relatives and my uncle, who brought my fam into the borg was there, I was close to him growing up but not the last years, he has no reason to think me unpleasant to be around, and he did the whole shun thing...I made sure to say Hello to him, as I was the rest of the family, but when I aske dhow he was he said fine and turned away, not one other member there was unfriendly, just him, the only reason being that I am DF

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