Do not let her flick you off and have life mosy on - NO WAY - YOU'RE the head of your household - i f she wants to "serve jehovah" by ending your marriage then make sure she realises that's what she has to do, fully - she needs to give up everything - make sure she realises that she would need to leave the home, because you aren't, this business isn't your idea
This Past Sunday My Wife Took Me To The Elders!
Thank you for your post, I am very sad for you. It is devastating to see how all intrusive the WTS is.
Loosing you faith and your wife all at once is going to have severe traumatic effects, so make sure you stay in touch with the board and do not be afraid to talk to others about what you are going through.
It was mentioned by an earlier poster that you don't actually possess any apostate literature on your computer. All you had saved on your computer was watchtower articles, newspaper articles about JW's (lots of people clip those) and a letter from the UN. Ask the elder's if old watchtower articles are considered apostate material? I think you could easily escape being df'd on a technicality here.
Also, you did not share any anti-witness views with your wife or anyone else. She printed them off of the computer and gave them to elders without your knowlege. Tell them you would never have showed them to anyone as you would be afraid to damage another's faith. You only kept them as interesting references when you accidentally ran across them thinking you were on a faithful JW site. Really, they have no concrete evidence of any wrongdoing. Don't apologize or acknowledge any guilt. Act as innocent as you truly are. They cannot disfellowship for wrong thought, only for actual behaviour.
As for the oral sex thing, tell the elders that you never received oral sex from your wife. You performed oral sex on your wife because you didn't know that was wrong. You only thought oral ejaculation was wrong. Also, tell them you never forced your wife. She acted like she absolutely loved it that's why you kept doing it. (That should embarrass her a little, hey you're entitled to a little payback for her selling you out). Then make a big deal of saying that now that you know it's wrong and that she doesn't like it, you will NEVER, EVER perform oral sex on her again! I bet she regrets opening her big mouth after that! She probably wanted to enjoy it but just not have to take any responsibility for it.
I honestly think playing dumb and totally innocent will get you out of being df'd and only privately reproved. As for your marriage, sounds to me like she wants out and is grasping at excuses. If the elders tell her no dice, she may have to take responsibility for her own choices.
Hope it works out for the best,
In my view getting a lawyer involved at this early stage is the right approach; get an understanding of your rights, how much this is likely to cost you and what your options are legally. Get advice from a matrimonial specialist not a high street lawyer (they tend to have some idea but a specialist will know all the loopholes and all the tricks in the book).
As much this is going to hurt, you need to take pre-emptive action to secure your interests; if you strike early you can paint her to be the cult obsessed victim and fundamentally a danger to your children; its dirty but divorce always is and shes playing the dirtiest given you sound like a reasonable chap.
I am truly sorry you are going through this though, you dont need it.
hasn't there been a flip flopping of this elders getting involved in the marital bed? i've got vague memories of someone posting about it...maybe blondie, i could be wrong.
if this is new light that only just got released you could prolly get by saying that you werent aware until that issue it was a 'sin' and will desist such cursed actions.
i think the others who have suggested a lawyer are on the money, you need to get some advice on this just to get a clear idea of your rights and protect your interests especially if you have kids.
try and keep a diary to log events as they happen(this could come in handy later). maybe suggest marriage counselling....jws wont go for that, but at least it shows a divorce court you've tried to work things out.
it truly sux that youre having to go through this crap
I don't have any wise words sorry I just hope things work out ok for you and the kids
Is apostasy grounds for divorce?
I believe his wife could obtain a scriptural seperation because of it.........spiritual endangerment is one of the listed reasons for acceptable seperation in the JW cult. I'm so sorry to hear this, EC. Sounds like you've been a good, true companion and responsible father, and are trying to make the best of the situation.
cog said: As for the oral sex thing, tell the elders that you never received oral sex from your wife. You performed oral sex on your wife because you didn't know that was wrong. You only thought oral ejaculation was wrong. Also, tell them you never forced your wife. She acted like she absolutely loved it that's why you kept doing it. (That should embarrass her a little, hey you're entitled to a little payback for her selling you out).
I believe his wife could obtain a scriptural seperation because of it.........spiritual endangerment is one of the listed reasons for acceptable seperation in the JW cult
If she tries this, I'd hand her a bible and ask her to show you where Jesus said you could seperate/divorce for having different view points. It ain't there.
This same, exact scenario is exactly whats holding me captive! Best of luck to you man.