I hope you won't mind if I comment as an outsider.
You've been married 14 years, you have children. You love your wife. She loves you (or at least she does but this JW stuff is intervening).
You have something, far more stable and lasting IMHO than the JWs, WTBTS, elders, whatever, can ever be, because (from an outsider's point of view) the religion is based on shifting sands.
Do whatever you can (and I appreciate in an academic way it's not easy, never experienced it) to keep the religion out of it. Tell them lies, threaten them, whatever. Go to marriage counselling, and if you can, find somebody who knows about manipulative cults. There must be someone here who can give you recommendations. If not, PM me and I'll find someone for you from 5000 miles away.
If you love your wife and your kids, then fight for them, I say, and fight to keep your marriage and family together.
Sorry if this sounds simplistic. But honestly, really, the love of a family can overcome anything.