This Past Sunday My Wife Took Me To The Elders!

by enlightenedcynic 70 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Forscher

    I'd say point out that you've never mistreated her and have provided for her and your family. Ask her in front of them if you've ever voiced anything contrary to the organization to her (since you've told us you haven't, then she hasn't got a leg to stand on with the "absolute spiritual endangerment" thing).
    Point out that she is denying you the marital due on frivalous grounds and demand that they point out to her that if she contiues to do so and gets her separation/divorce that she will have no grounds for remarraige and faces disfellowshipping if YOU committ adultery or remarry. You get my point here, keep it focused on her and her actions.
    If you really want to play dirty, then deny any knowledge of what she printed out and imply that she is trying to frame you for an end(remember SHE is charging you with that and if you deny it then she is in danger of their wrath). If you are ready to admit your "doubts" , insist that her demands and their consequences be addressed before your "research". If you don't do that then your "apostate leanings" will become the issue, which is what she wants.

  • Justitia Themis
    Justitia Themis

    Spiritual endangerment is not that new of a reason for separation.


    w88 11/1 pp. 22-23 pars. 12-13 When Marital Peace Is Threatened ***


    Absolute endangerment of spirituality also provides a basis for separation. The believer in a religiously divided home should do everything possible to take advantage of God’s spiritual provisions. But separation is allowable if an unbelieving mate’s opposition (perhaps including physical restraint) makes it genuinely impossible to pursue true worship and actually imperils the believer’s spirituality. Yet, what if a very unhealthy spiritual state exists where both mates are believers? The elders should render assistance, but especially should the baptized husband work diligently to remedy the situation. Of course, if a baptized marriage partner acts like an apostate and tries to prevent his mate from serving Jehovah, the elders should handle matters according to the Scriptures. If disfellowshipping takes place in a case involving absolute endangerment of spirituality, willful nonsupport, or extreme physical abuse, the faithful Christian who seeks a legal separation would not be going against Paul’s counsel about taking a believer to court.—1 Corinthians 6:1-8.


    If circumstances are extreme, then, separation may be warranted. But flimsy pretexts obviously should not be used to obtain a separation. Any Christians who do separate must bear personal responsibility for that action and should realize that all of us will render an account to Jehovah.—Hebrews 4:13.

  • Justitia Themis
    Justitia Themis

    she will have no grounds for remarraige and faces disfellowshipping if YOU committ adultery or remarry.

    ...very doubtful this will happen.

  • Forscher

    I know of a sister who was Df'd on those very grounds.

  • Spectrum

    I wouldn't give up on this marriage just yet. I would do my best to enlighten her on the real situation regarding the Org. The best way to do this is to keep insisting and proving to her that they are false prophets. If she has the truth then she should not be afraid of giving you a chance to show her how you have come to these conclusion.
    Show her how cruel Jehovah was to innocent women and children in the OT. You don't serve such a god

  • daniel-p


    May I be the first (I think) to suggest you RECORD any meetings you have with the elders? Secretly, of course. This is becoming a powerful tool to use against them and goes a long way to helping others who may be faced with similar situations.

  • NYCkid

    I'm so sorry to hear about what your wife has done. Your situation opens floodgates of emotions and anger for me, but you certainly don't need me to spout off. No doubt the situation is very emotionally complex for you. So much for "death do us part."

    Hang in there and I hope your situation works out for the best.



  • wednesday

    i said "newish". sort of seems like in the last 20 or so years i see this being used to end marriages. This happened to someone I know really well, the wife just used it to get out of the marriage, it was totally a farce. The brother was a faithful jws, she totally blew this one by the elders. Just b./c the articles says they (the believers) will face the wrath of jah/elders for separating without grounds, does to mean it will happen. Also it really could depend a lot on the area he lives in, the (ie bible belt area is stricter) if he has any friends among the elders, if his wife is known for being "nervous" type that runs to the elders all the time.

    If he is an elder, then this would swing the other way, perhaps. They may feel for him, but the oral sex thing is going to get him.. They just had a recent question from readers and this will be intersting to se how it plays out.

    I do agree that he shoud not leave, make her leave and get the kids.

  • Forscher

    Despite my go-for-the-throat post, I hope things work out alright for you. It is sad to hear you are going through such a mess.

  • Hellrider


    As I started to look over them, I recognized that they were printouts of old watchtower articles, highlighted in certain paragraphs, newspaper articles that were not, shall we say, pro-WTS and a copy of the UN NGO letter that confirmed the WTS' status. Seems innocent enough right? Wrong! All that info was on my computer and she accessed it and printed it out so that she could show the brothers that I had doubts about the org and was viewing apostate literature!!

    It`s important to realise that these are two different worlds. In JW-land, they have to follow the Bibles rules when it comes to having a divorce. A certain set of criteria has to be fulfilled, and as far as I can remember, having a "husband in doubt" isn`t grounds for divorce. Or am I wrong here? What about all the "sisters" with unbelieving husbands"? Or what about those that marries outside the religion? (Which isn`t common, but does occur).

    In the real world, the situation is completely different. Many jws, and ex-jws too, live with the belief that also in the court/justice system you need "reasons for divorce". It`s not like that anymore, at least not in my country. Anyone can have a divorce, for no reason at all. And as far as I know, it`s been like that for a few decades now...

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